Synchronicity
by gizzymoon
Summary: When Kate finally realizes she might feel more for Castle than friendship, is she too late to do anything about it? Has he moved on? Spoilers for season 3 finale.
1. Chapter 1

He was laying a series of open mouth kisses to her shoulder and something inside her, something deep down, told her she should stop him, but she couldn't find the strength. It felt too good to make him quit. When he reached her collarbone and nipped at the skin there, she shuddered in his arms and threw her head back, wanting to give him full access to her neck.

He took her invitation and sucked at her skin before swirling his tongue over her flesh in a delightful, tantalizingly slow motion.

"Rick," she breathed, the word tumbling from her lips on the tail end of a sigh as she buried her hands in his, oh so, soft hair.

She was moving backwards, propelled by his large, solid form. She felt the desk behind her, her desk, in the middle of the twelfth precinct, where she worked. All these things nagged at her unrelentingly, but still she couldn't push him away. She couldn't end this. She wanted it too badly.

His mouth was causing her to take leave of her senses. This wasn't the place for this. He was her partner, her best friend. There was no place that was appropriate for this but this, here, at her job, was definitely off-limits.

His hands had worked their way under her white, form-fitting sweater and found the taut, smooth skin of her stomach. The feel of his fingertips gliding over her was too much and it inspired another groan from somewhere in the vicinity of her soul.

God, she wanted him, wanted him like she'd never wanted anything in her life. It was too much for her too process and certainly too much for her to fight against. She wanted him, needed him, craved him and she meant to have him. Right here if that was what it took. It had been too long. There had been too many close calls, too much innuendo, too much sexual tension between them. They had done a brilliant job of ignoring up to this point. Now the lust was going to have it's say. It had been patient. Now it was greedy, needy, wanton and far too strong to battle.

She wasn't even sure why she would want to. It, this, him, all felt too good. It was exactly as she'd imagined it would be and so much more.

He smelled like leather and expensive aftershave and man. Everything about him was just so male. She'd teased him before about being metro-sexual, but she'd been so wrong. There was nothing about him that wasn't masculine, virile, potent and powerful.

He made a noise as she tried to slide the brown leather jacket from his shoulders. It was too heavy. She couldn't feel him through the material. And she needed to feel him. She wanted to revel in his muscles bunching under her fingers, marvel in the feel of his skin against hers.

"Kate," he groaned when she finally achieved her victory and the material fell to the floor at their feet.

She moaned right back when he found the sweet spot under her ear and fluttered his tongue against it. She had no idea how he managed but he seemed to have a knack for knowing just exactly how she wanted to be touched. It was just the right amount of pressure when he sucked at her skin, just the right amount of force when he nipped at her flesh, just the right amount of moisture on his tongue when he flicked it over her in the just the right spots.

How had she waited this long for this? She's always known he'd be good at this. His long, nimble fingers had moved from her stomach to trace over the lace of her bra. He made a frustrated noise when her sweater hindered him. Then suddenly his hands left her and she felt him begin to tug the shirt up until he got it bunched up under her arms. As soon as it was out of the way, he dropped his head to her chest and took her straining nipple into his mouth through the material of her bra. The combination of his velvety tongue swirling over the hardened peak and the roughness of the lace made her stomach drop to the floor and her hands tighten in his hair. He hissed and she eased her grip, realizing that she was being a trifle rough.

"God, I want you so bad," he groaned and immediately backed up the statement with the evidence of his arousal as he pushed his hips into hers.

She should stopped him. She needed to stop him. The nagging voice in her head was driving her to distraction and she so did not want to be distracted. She wanted to let him fill her up, drive every doubt and insecurity from her mind with the power of his devotion to her. She knew he could. If she could just let go and let him take charge, he could take her to places she'd never even imagined before.

This thing, these emotions that had been building between them since the first time she laid eyes on him was huge, all-consuming and the scariest thing she'd ever witnessed. She could so easily lose herself in him. She could make him her world. It would be too simple, especially since she was just beginning to realize that he was all she wanted, all she needed. Never, not once in her entire life, had she looked at someone and felt the things she felt for him.

The perfection of everything about him, even the things that drove her crazy, was even scarier. She might have created him, conjured him out of her mind and somehow, through some unknown magic, made him real. She had never fit so wholly and entirely with anyone else. They were two pieces of puzzle that seemed to snap together in utter and complete harmony.

He ground his hips into her again and it instantly brought her mind back to the things he was doing to her body. All other things aside, physically, she had never been with someone who could make her feel the things she was feeling right then. Always before there was a part of her still in control. But now, she could feel herself spiraling. All her resolve, her presence of mind, her very will was taken up by him. Nothing mattered to her except his hands on her hips, digging into her flesh, his mouth on her breast, tasting her as if she were the finest delicacy, his body pressed into hers, so solid and firm and strong.

The ache in her belly, the one that cried out for more, demanded that he keep touching her, was hotter than any fire. It burned her from the inside with a need so powerful she felt herself shaking uncontrollably.

He was trembling, too. She could feel the tremors as his hands moved up her sides and replaced his mouth at her breast. He cupped them in his palms, holding them as if testing their weight in his hands. His thumbs brushed over her nipples and she shuddered again.

Her palms were almost itching with the need to feel his skin under her fingers. She let her hands fall from his hair and down his back. Once there, she fumbled for a moment with his shirt, tugging it from his waistband before sliding underneath. Her fingers splayed over his back and she delighted in finally getting to feel his muscles tensing and clenching as he moved.

Finally, he found her lips with his once again. That was what had started this whole thing. She didn't know why he'd suddenly kissed her out of the blue, but he had and the minute their mouths connected, it was over. There was no stopping either of them. The last time they'd kissed, the first time actually, there was plenty of reasons, important, life-threatening reasons, to end it. Now there were no partners being held and tortured. There was no bad guy baring down on them. There was no crisis lurking over their heads. And there was no act, no pretending. They were kissing each other simply because they wanted or rather, needed to be kissing each other.

Now she was the one growing impatient and frustrated over the material of his shirt that blocked her movements and hindered her process as she tried to feel all of him. She wished desperately that she could just rip the damn thing from his body. Then instantly, as if something up above had heard her prayer, it was gone and his smooth skin was hers for the taking.

He made a low throaty noise as her fingers glided over his back and ground his hips into hers once again. She was more or less sitting on the edge of the desk now, trapped between the hard wood behind her and the hard body in front of her. She had a sudden, irrational desire to wrap her legs around his waist. This wasn't the place for that. She shouldn't. She knew that. Then again, this really wasn't the place for her to be plunging her tongue as deeply into his mouth as she could get it, either. The desire was stronger than her resolve and before she could stop herself, that is exactly what she did. She wrapped her legs around him and used them to pull his body tighter against hers. Another deep, low, desperate sounding groan from him said he approved of the move.

She expected someone to say something any moment now. They were in the middle of the precinct, and Castle was shirtless, for God's sake. Surely, someone, Ryan, Esposito, someone would stop them. She wished someone would, in fact. It was the only way this was going to end. She knew that. Neither of them had any intention of stopping it themselves. They needed to be acted on by an outside force. Newton's Law at work, two objects in motion will stay in motion until something or someone stopped them. Or something like that. Honestly Newton was the last person on her mind as his hand came up to cup her cheek, shifting her head to give him a better angle as he continued to kiss her with everything inside of him.

She moved her hands to his chest, taking a moment to be flabbergasted by the feel of all that new skin under her fingertips.

"Kate," he groaned when she broke his kiss and found his earlobe. He bucked against her as she pulled it into her mouth. "Kate," he said again and this time there was something of an urgency in his tone. She wanted to pull back, to look into his face and find out what the problem was, but she just couldn't make herself do it. "KATE!"

In that instant he was gone. As soon as cold reality set in she realized she was lying on her couch, an afghan her grandmother had crocheted draped over her and her father hovering at her shoulder. He was shaking her gently, yet persistently.

"I'm sorry to wake you, but you have a phone call," He was shoving her phone at her and she blinked groggily before finally taking it and putting it to her ear.

"Beckett," she snapped, albeit sleepily, into the receiver.

"Were you sleeping?" Lanie asked. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, it's fine. I was just napping," she answered, swinging her legs over the side of the couch and sitting up gingerly. Her shoulder hurt. Her shoulder always hurt nowadays. The doctors said it would pass in time and the physical therapy was helping, but there was still a dull ache there every minute, as if it were reminding her how close she'd come to losing her life in that cemetery four weeks earlier.

"How about some lunch? I was thinking about hitting Houlihan's and I know it's your favorite," her friend offered.

Kate glanced at her father still standing at her shoulder like he was waiting for a cue from her. She nodded towards him and gave him a smile. He seemed to be trying to make up for all the times he hadn't been there in the past few years. He'd been at her beck and call since she'd come home from the hospital. In all honesty, he was smothering her and getting away for a little while sounded really good to her.

"Sure, lunch sounds good. I'll meet you there," she answered.

Once she hung up, Jim Beckett smiled at her. "I was going to make you some soup and a sandwich."

"Dad, you don't have to keep doing all this. I'm fine, really I am." She did her best to keep her tone gentle and light. She didn't want him to think she was grateful for all the attention. "Lanie wants to take me out for lunch. I'll only be gone a little while. Why don't you get some rest while I'm out?"

He nodded tiredly. "Alright," Walking to the armchair beside the couch, he sank into it bonelessly. "I guess I could use a little rest."

Taking the afghan from around her, she got to her feet and draped it over him instead. "Of course you could. You've been pushing yourself for the last month. You have to remember that you're an old man," she teased him.

She almost made it to her room before he stopped her. "I was hoping that it was your friend Rick calling. I haven't heard from him in a while. Have you?"

She shook her head sadly. "No. He calls in every few days to check on me, but I haven't seen him in weeks. I don't know what's going on either. Why were hoping it was Castle calling?"

Her father turned and offered her an earnest expression. "He's good for you, Katie."

Kate eyed him for a moment before coming back to sit on the couch. "Good for me how?"she asked.

Clearly, her father had something to say to her. It was written all over his face and she owed him a moment of listening for all he'd done for her in the last weeks.

Jim sat forward and rested his hands on his knees. "Kate, what I have to say, you might not like, but I think it's time it was said." She nodded, telling him she understood and encouraging him to continue. "It's just that, since your mother died, it's like there's this hole in you. It's in both of us, actually, but you're too young to live with a hole like that. You shut yourself off from anything that might make you happy because somewhere inside you, you've convinced yourself that it's never going to last."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off before she could. "I am not wrong. I know exactly how you feel. I'm right there with you. I understand better than anyone else could." He leaned even further forward and took her hands in his, giving them a squeeze. "You have to stop pushing everyone that loves you away."

"I don't push people away," she interjected, but it sounded lame and hollow even as it left her lips.

"You do, you know you do. Rick Castle loves you. It's written all over his face every time he looks at you. And he makes you happy. That's written all over yours. Find out what's going on with him and fix it before it's too late. People like Rick don't waltz into your life for no reason. And when you look love in the face and turn away from it, all it does is make you old and bitter and lonely like me."

She could feel the bitter sting of tears biting at her eyes and brushed them quickly away. "Dad, I appreciate your concern. I really do, but Castle and I aren't together like that. He's just a friend."

"Is that his choice or yours?"

She was about to tell him that it wasn't a choice it was simply the way things were when he stopped her with that look. It was the look he used to give her when he knew she'd done something and was about to lie about it. He somehow always seemed to know when she wasn't telling the truth. "I guess it's mine." she amended at the last minute.

"Why?"

She huffed in frustration. "It's complicated."

"No, it isn't." he retorted. "It's the easiest thing in the world. You're mother was the love of my life. I'll never get over losing her, not ever. I've tried, but there was just something about her, about us, that I will never find again. I had so little time with her on the grand scale of things. The love of your life is right there and you're wasting your little time with him, wasting it by not taking a chance on it."

"The love of my life?" she guffawed. "Come on, I think that might be a little over the top, don't you think?"

"No, I don't," he answered, unblinkingly.

She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat his seriousness inspired and got to her feet. "I'll think about all this. I promise I will. But right now, I have to go meet Lanie for lunch. Get some rest. I'll be back in a while."

* * *

><p>They were halfway through lunch before she couldn't help herself any longer. "Have you seen Castle lately?" she asked a touch timidly and immediately hated herself for the trepidation in her tone.<p>

Her lunch companion slowly sat her fork down and took up her glass of water instead. After taking a long drink, she cleared her throat and gave Kate a forced smile. "I just saw him last night, actually. Why? Haven't you seen him lately?"

Kate shrugged, trying for nonchalance and knowing she was failing miserably. But she was determined to hold on to this facade of not really caring for as long as Lanie would let her. "We've talked on the phone, but he wasn't been by."

"Since when?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Since I came home from the hospital."

Lanie nodded knowingly. "So, since Josh and Castle came to blows and you jumped in firmly on Josh's side, yelling for all the world to hear about how Castle was just 'your partner and nothing more'?"

Kate looked down at her lap, then off into the distance before finally nodding in agreement. "Yeah, right about then." Then she squared her shoulders and quickly tried to regained her ground. "But I broke up with Josh right after that, that should count for something."

Lanie shook her head. "It does. He's still calling you, right?"

"Yes, but you should hear his tone. It's all so... professional."

Lanie smiled her first genuine smile since the conversation began. "Isn't that what you said was between you? You're just partners, nothing more?"

"But he knows I didn't mean that. He's my friend. No offense but he's probably my best friend. He has to know that," Kate protested.

"Why's that? Because you've been so forthcoming with your feelings?"

"You know how bad I am at this. He knows how bad I am at this. This shouldn't surprise anyone." Kate shifted uncomfortably when her friend refused to comment and instead just kept eying her carefully. "Alright, I messed up," she admitted finally. "How do I fix it?"

"You tell him that he's your best friend. Talk to him. Right now, he's hurt. You hurt him, Kate. You're going to have to make up for that," Lanie answered.

"I hurt him? Do you really think so?" Kate asked, appalled by the thought. She'd never meant to hurt him. In all honesty, everything at the hospital with Josh and Rick had happened so fast, she hadn't been thinking when she jumped in. She certainly hadn't meant for Rick to think she didn't appreciate him.

"I know so," Lanie nodded.

Kate looked away from her, then back again and cleared her throat. "I've been thinking," she began.

"Uh-oh," Lanie muttered under her breath.

Kate smirked at her sarcastically in return. Then started again. "My father seems to think that there might be something more going on between us."

"Between you and Castle? Duh."

Kate huffed impatiently. "I'm trying to be serious here."

"So am I. There was been something going on between the two of you for years now."

"So what do I do about it?"

Lanie sat up and took her another drink from her glass before setting it down. When she looked back at Kate her eyes were filled with something Kate wasn't sure how to describe. Regret, pity, perhaps?

"I think it might be a little bit too late for you to do anything about it," her friend confided at last.

Kate's eyes widen in shock. "Why? What does that mean?"

" Javie and I had dinner with him last night, Kate. He wasn't alone," Lanie said, quietly.

"He had a date?"

"Yeah, he had a date and from the looks of it, they were pretty close."

Kate leaned forward and narrowed her eyes. "Tell me everything."


	2. Chapter 2

She found him like she found him a lot of the time nowadays. Alone in the dark, sipping at a glass of bourbon in his study. The fireplace, that he was staring into pensively, was the only illumination. The sweet, rhythmic stains of barely audible jazz drifted through the speakers situated in all four corners of the space. It was his favorite room in the house, always had been. This was where he went to think, or not to think if that was what he preferred. It was his haven, his sanctuary, the one place in the loft that was all his. Brown leather furniture, sturdy and masculine, cluttered it. Hefty, chunky mahogany tables and desks accompanied the seating. Bookcases, filled to overflowing with all his favorite volumes, a few that he wrote and several that he hadn't, lined the back walls.

This room, out of every other, was her son's room. Not Richard Edgar Castle's place. No, this room belonged to the other man, that one that was buried so deep few people knew he still existed. This room was all Richard Alexander Rodgers, her boy.

Martha sighed as she leaned against the doorjamb and watched him watching the fire. He knew she was there. He hadn't looked up, or acknowledged her presence in any way, but she knew that he knew she was there.

"Do you want to tell me what's got you drowning yourself in yet another bottle of the good stuff, or should I make a guess?" she said finally as she pulled herself off the wall and sauntered into the room.

"I don't want to talk about it, Mother. I'm fine. Everything is fine," he muttered, though he still didn't even bother to glance at her.

"How long do you plan on offering us that line? You know neither of us are buying it."

"Did Alexis send you in here?" he asked, finally looking up.

"She's concerned and frankly so am I. This has been going on for almost a month now."

He shook his head ruefully. "I told her I was okay. I wish she wouldn't worry so much."

"Of course she's worried. Her father spends his evenings downing a fifth of scotch. How could she not worry? I mean, honestly Richard, are you in some kind of competition with the cast of Jersey Shores?" Martha chided.

He rolled his eyes before draining the glass in his hand. Then he sat it down on the table beside him with a loud thump. "Fine, I won't have anymore tonight."

Martha chuckled. "Of course not. The bottle is empty."

"Well, then how about I won't open a new one?" he snapped uncharacteristically.

"Until when? Tomorrow night?" she came back just as bitterly.

"You know, I am a grown man. I can take care of myself."

She took a seat on the opposite end of the couch from where he was sitting. "Is that what you call this? Taking care of yourself?"

He shifted, turning his body so he could look at her without craning his neck. At first she was glad he was making the effort, but the look on his face made her immediately wish he was still staring at the fire. It was so cold, so empty it made her breath catch in her throat. She couldn't keep from reaching a hand out and resting it on his arm. He didn't pull away though at first she thought he might.

"Alright, maybe I'm not fine. But I will be. I'm just working through some things right now. I need a minute. Can you both just give me that?" he said.

"Talk to me, Richard. What things are you working through? Is this some warped sense of guilt over Kate getting shot? You saved her life. You should be happy about that. She's going to be okay." She tried to reason with him.

He took a deep breath. "I am happy she's okay. But right now, I'm trying to figure out how to move on."

"Move on from what?" she pressed.

He glanced up at the ceiling and bite his bottom lip before answering. "From her."

Martha's heart sank to her feet and she squeezed his arm. "Oh, Richard, why in the world would you want to do something like that?"

He was on his feet in an instant and she was surprised at how steady he was as he started to pace. "She said it herself. I'm just her partner. You heard her. Everyone heard her. I'm trying to accept that that's all I'll ever be to her."

"Horseshit!" Martha exclaimed.

He rounded on her and narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You are so much more to her than a partner. You know it. She knows it. Everyone that's ever met the two of you knows it," she explained. "One of these days she's going to get up the courage to admit it out loud and where will you be? Over her? Sometimes I could just hit both of you over the head."  
>"What am I supposed to do until she gets up all this courage? Wait around like some frigging puppy making an ass out of myself?" he countered.<p>

Martha sat up a little straighter and made a show of adjusting her dress. "You could push the issue. Have you talked to her about all this? Really talked to her? I know it might be an idea out of left field but have you told her how you feel about her?"

He threw his head back and gave a hearty cackle. "Do you want to make a bet on how long it will take her to exorcize me from her life completely after I make that confession? I'll take ten minutes if you decide to start a pool."

"Richard, you can't believe that she cares so little for you."

He sat back down with a thump, stretched his long legs out in front of him and rested his head on the back on the couch. "I think whatever it is that she feels for me scares the hell out of her and I have no idea what I'm suppose to do or say to make her feel safe. I'm pretty sure I've tried everything and still whenever I think things are going to take a turn, she runs. I can't keep chasing her. I think I've finally run out of steam."

"Is that what this thing with you and this new girl is all about?"

"Her name is Morgan," he said through gritted teeth. "Will you please stop calling her the 'new girl'?"

Martha sat up again and turned to him sharply. "Do you really think it's okay to toy with that girl like you're doing?"

"Toy with her?" he countered, narrowing his eyes again.

"Yes, you are playing with her. I've seen the way she looks at you. She really believes that there's something between you. If you won't be honest with Kate, at least be honest with Morgan. Tell the poor thing that you're using her to make Kate jealous."

He sat up quickly, anger rolling off of him in waves. "I'm not using her. I like her. Is it so hard to believe that there might really be something between us? Is it so inconceivable that I might have found someone that likes me back?" he demanded.

"Is that how you really feel?"

He scoffed loudly and despite his promise earlier, he got to his feet, went to the bar and poured himself another drink from a fresh bottle of scotch. "You know, Mother, I've tried the pining, unrequited thing. It really doesn't suit me. I thought I might try having a relationship with someone that isn't terrified of me."

"Kate isn't terrified of you, Richard. She's terrified of the way she feels about you. There is a difference."

"It doesn't feel like much of a difference," he replied, draining his glass in one quick gulp and refilling it.

"I thought you said you weren't going to drink anymore tonight." She pointed out as she watched him.

"That was before I found out you were going to go all 'Dr. Phil' on me. I'm not nearly drunk enough for this conversation."

Martha got to her feet, realizing that all she was doing was making the situation worse. "Alright, but think about this, if you've finally found someone that likes you back and you're so happy with that, why are you sitting here in the dark almost every night drinking yourself into an oblivion?"

With that said she quickly turned on her heels and left him alone without a backward glance.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry I know it's late. I hope I didn't wake you. I couldn't sleep," he said as soon as the sleepy voice on the other end of the line said hello.<p>

"What time is it?" Morgan Daniels asked and Rick could almost picture her squinting her blue eyes towards the clock beside her bed.

"It's a little after one," he answered to save her the trouble.

"Is everything alright? You are alright? You sound funny."

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep and I wanted to hear your voice."

She laughed quietly. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me all day."

"It's the first thing I've said to you all day."

"Well, I guess that gives you about twenty-three hours to top yourself," she quickly retorted. "What has you up so late?"

He sighed. "It happens a lot actually. Sometimes I just can't get my brain to shut down."

"Do you want to come over?" she asked.

"I shouldn't. I might have had a little to drink."

"Ah, that explains why you sound funny. Do you want me to come over there?" she replied.

"No, it's okay. I'd hate to get you up. You sound pretty comfortable."

"Alright then, how can I help?"

Rick stretched and stared up at the ceiling. "I was hoping we could just talk for a little while. That usually does the trick."

He heard the bedding rustling on the other end of the line. "So this is a proven remedy. Tell me, who did you reach out and touch before I came around?"

"Someone that I thought was a friend. We don't really talk much anymore though," he answered, trying his best to keep his tone light and hide the hurt the statement caused him.

She must have heard it anyway, because she said, "I'm sorry, Rick. I know how hard it can be to lose a friend."

"It's okay. I have you to fill the void. I'd really rather not talk about all that anyway," he replied.

"Okay, would you rather talk about what has you having a little to drink or does that go back to the lost friend subject?"

"Mother and I had a little disagreement," he answered reluctantly. "But yes, actually I guess it does."

She shifted again and in his mind he saw her laying in her bed, her long blond hair splayed over the blue pillow under her head. She was on her side with one hand tucked under her chin and the other cupping the phone to her ear. He imagined she hadn't bothered to turn a lamp on, so the only light would be the moonlight coming through the window over her bed, shining down on her like a spotlight. She really was a beautiful woman. Her delicate, feminine features were warm and inviting, her blue eyes, expressive and soulful. She had a face that was both friendly and open and the nearly ever-present smile on her full lips was one of the things that had first drawn him to her.

He couldn't help but see how very different she was from Kate. Blond hair, blue eyes, and short. She couldn't be over five and a half feet tall. He wondered if subconsciously he might have picked her because of the differences. It was troubling to think that even his taste in woman had somehow been altered just by knowing Kate Beckett.

"So what would you like to talk about?" Morgan finally asked when he said nothing.

He searched his brain for a moment, trying to think of something, anything to say. "I don't know," he said, at last.

"Okay, how about we talk about this weekend? We are still going to the Hamptons, right?"

"That's the plan. Alexis is very excited to get to know you better," he lied. Actually, Alexis was being extremely resistant to this new relationship and he had had to put his foot down, something he rarely did with her, to get his daughter to come along. To make matters worse, because he felt so guilty for pushing his new girlfriend down her throat, he was allowing his sixteen year old daughter to invite her boyfriend to spend the weekend with them, as well. He could already see the exhausting weekend stretching out in his mind, filled with awkward, forced conversations and hourly night time bed checks.

He pulled his hand through his hair and considered canceling the whole affair. He wasn't sure it was worth all the trouble it would bring him.

"Rick, you know you can talk to me, right? I want to help with whatever is bothering you," Morgan offered after another silence.

Rick shifted and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. He really wished that was true. He wished he had someone he could talk to about all this. But Morgan certainly wasn't the person to share this with. Their relationship was far too new to bring up ex-... whatever Kate had been to him.

"Actually," he replied. "I think I might be ready to sleep now. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying up with you."

"No, really. Thank you for helping. But you should go back to bed. I'll see you for lunch."

She reluctantly agreed and he clicked his phone off and tossed it to the bed beside him.

_Well_, he thought bitterly, _that was a blundering, uncomfortable, exercise in futility._

He didn't know why he'd called her really. Maybe it was a test. Maybe his mother's words had gotten to him more than he wanted to admit. If it was a test, it was a failed one. He couldn't remember not one of his late night, insomnia-induced, phone calls to Kate ever leaving him feeling so discontent and unfulfilled.

But then again, that was pretty much the way he always left lately, discontent and unfulfilled. He wondered if that would ever change. Would he ever find a way to be happy again? Or was this just the aftermath of storm Kate? He already knew the answer. Of course, he'd never truly be the same again. A woman like Kate didn't come and go into a person's life without leaving a mark on their soul.

His wandering gaze found the phone sitting close to his knee on the bed and his fingers twitched he wanted to grab it so badly.

Finally, no longer able to fight it, he reached for the phone and jumped in surprise when it began to ring before he touched it.

He snatched it up and put it to his ear without bothering at look at the caller I.D..

"Did I wake you?" His heart began to hammer in his chest the moment he recognized the voice on the other end of the line.

"Kate? Is everything alright?" he asked, immediately concerned.

"Everything is fine," she assured him. "I know I shouldn't have called but, I couldn't sleep and I was hoping maybe you were having the same problem. Well," she quickly amended, "I wasn't hoping you couldn't sleep. I mean, I wasn't wishing insomnia on you..."

He cut her off before she could continue. "It's okay. I understand. You didn't wake me. I haven't been getting much sleep lately. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I'm good, actually. The doctor is thinking I might be able to go back to work next week."

"That seems a little soon. Are you sure you're ready?" He sat up causing the blankets to pool in his lap and exposing his bare chest to the touch of bitterness in the early fall air.

"That depends," she replied cryptically.

"On what?"

"On whether my partner will be with me when I go back. I'm not sure I'm ready to go back alone. But with backup, I'll be fine," she explained.

He chuckled. "Of course, I'll be there. You just let me know when." He told her, because no matter how hard he tried keeping himself at a professional distance with her it was impossible.

She took a deep breath and let it out loudly enough that he heard it clearly through the line. She was about to say something she didn't want to say, or something that was difficult for her to admit. He could tell by her breathing, by her hesitation. He could always read her so well.

"Rick," she began and he perked his ears up to be sure not to miss a single word. "At the hospital, when you and Josh got in to it..."

So that's what was bothering her. "Kate, you don't have to say anything. I messed up. I shouldn't have punched him. I was out of line," he said trying to ward off the conversation before they really got in to it. It had been a while since Kate called him in the middle of the night. He didn't want to spend the unexpected treat digging up his past mistakes.

She was silent for a moment before clearing her throat. "Why did you?"

He sighed dramatically and stretched before sinking back into his bed and tucking his free hand behind his head. "I let him get to me and I shouldn't have."

"You're being purposely vague. Both of you have been pretty vague about what started that fight, in fact. I know you threw the first punch. I got that much. What I want to know is what he did to make you hit him. It isn't like you, Castle."

It was his turn to hesitate. "He said I was the reason you got shot in the first place. He said he was tired of seeing me every time he looked up and that I had no right to be there with you at the hospital. He told me I was overstepping my bounds and he was right. I think it was that fact that made me hit him. I hated that he was right."

"How do you figure that?" she asked immediately. "You had as much right to be there as he did. And you weren't the reason I got shot, you saved my life."

"No, Kate, I didn't. He was your boyfriend. He was the one that should have been sitting at your bedside weeping and carrying on like an idiot. I'm your partner. I should have been sitting out there where partner sit when things go wrong, in the waiting room."

Again the silence stretched and he was beginning to think that maybe they had lost something between them in the weeks they hadn't really been together. Maybe they weren't even good at this anymore.

Then finally she spoke. "You know very well that you are far more to me than just my partner. I know I don't always say it and sometimes I'm hard to read, but you do know that, right?"

He wasn't sure what to say to that. He thought he knew the answer. He thought she saw him as a friend, but her words came back to him like they had been since she said them. They seemed to play on an unending loop in his mind. _He's my partner, that's all, nothing more._

"Castle, you still there?" she asked and it brought him plummeting back to the present as if she'd thrown a bucket of ice water on him.

"You said I'm just your partner. That's what you told Josh," he answered numbly.

"I said it to get him to stop hitting you. I was trying to diffuse the situation before it got really out of control," she explained. "You know I'm not seeing him anymore, right? Not since the day I came home. He dropped me off here and I haven't seen him since."

"Your choice or his?" Castle asked without really knowing why it mattered.

"Mine."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I know how much he meant to you."

She laughed. "Really? Because while I was laying there in the hospital with nothing to do but think, I realized that he really didn't mean as much to me as I thought he did. At the end of the day, he wasn't really more than a warm body to come home to, sometimes, when he wasn't too busy."

"This is all a little deep for two in the morning, don't you think?" he said, trying to change the subject.

"Maybe, but I need you to know I didn't mean it. You're my best friend. That hasn't changed," she continued despite his attempt.

"You're my best friend, too." He told her even as he did his best to ignore the hammering pace his heart had suddenly adopted at hearing her confession.

"So, we're good?" she ventured.

"Of course we're good," he answered.

"Then how about lunch tomorrow, my treat?"

He almost said yes immediately. The word was right there on the tip of his tongue. It wasn't until the last second that he remembered he already had plans. "I can't do lunch, but how about dinner? Something nice to celebrate your rapid recovery and it'll be my treat."

"It's a date," she said before hanging up.


	3. Chapter 3

_It's a date._

The words played themselves over and over in her head, stuck on a repeating loop as she try to figure out why she'd uttered them in the first place.

She was exhausted, not managing more than a few moments of dosing between anxious thoughts of the last words she'd said to Castle. Had she meant it like she'd said it? Did she want it to be a date, a real date? She hadn't been thinking of it as a date when the idea came to her. She just wanted to see him. Castle over the phone and Castle in real life were two very different things. Something about him didn't translate well through electronic devises. She needed to see his smile, watching his eyes dance with merriment. But there was more to it than just the missing visual experience of being with him. Somehow, it seemed, just being near him, actually, physically near him, made something in her different. It was like she carried this hollow emptiness inside her that only went away when he was around.

Maybe her father was right.

Oh God, what if her father was right?

Was Rick Castle the 'love of her life'? Could it really be that after years of secretly believing in things like Soul mates and true love the proof had been staring at her for three years and she hadn't even noticed?

How had it escaped her attention? How had she not noticed?

Wait, she had. She had known from long before she ever met him that there was something in him she liked, admired, respected. Few people ever got that from her. Her time, her kindness, even her sympathy were things she gave away freely, but her respect was something altogether different, more sacred to her. It all came down to the fact that she was disappointed in people far more often than she was surprised. And she understood that it was as much her fault as it was anyone's. She held herself to some very high standards, unfortunately, she couldn't keep from holding everyone else to those same standards.

She believed that it was never okay to walk away from a job before it was perfect. If it meant putting in extra time and effort on her part, pushing herself to do something everyone said couldn't be done, so be it. When she started something, no matter how big or how small, she gave it a hundred and fifty percent, sank her teeth into it like it was a steak with no intention of letting go until it was done. She couldn't let herself do it any differently. Those standards that she clung to so desperately wouldn't let her do anything halfway. What she didn't understand was how others could walk away long before that point? Most people were satisfied with leaving something 'good enough'. Kate didn't even understand that phrase. It didn't matter if she were hunting down a murderer or cleaning her kitchen, there was never a 'good enough' point for Kate unless everything was perfect. Exhaustion, pain, all of it be damned. All that mattered was getting it right. She had discovered that most people weren't quite that dedicated.

And then came the disappointment.

She also believed that simply being kind to others shouldn't be as hard as people make it. A polite smile for someone you pass on the street, a sincere, 'thank you' to the person that held the door for you, a 'please' on the end of a request, those things should be easy. But more and more often she saw those she shared her world with were so wrapped up in their own life, so preoccupied, so tense and wound up they hardly noticed anyone else existed.

And again there was the disappointment.

She further believed that her conscious was her greatest asset. Guilt was her friend. She wished other people had such a fine honed sense of guilt. Her guilt kept her in line, or rather a fear of it did. She hated guilt, couldn't stand living with it. She already carried so much over things she had no way of changing, she hated to add more to the weight. So she carefully avoided doing anything she might have to feel guilty for. Even the guilt carried by having an extra bear claw in the morning was more than she liked to take on. Why wasn't it like that for the rest of the world? _No, I can't kill my wife, the guilt would be too much. No, I can't hurt this person I love because I'd never be able to live with myself later._ But for some reason, other people seemed to be able to take on far more guilt than she ever could. Somehow people could still look at themselves in the mirror after committing horrible crimes against other people. Somehow it didn't matter as much to them as it would her.

And again, there was the disappointment.

She believed there was never a place that was too far to go for someone you cared about. Whether it was a block down the road or halfway across the country, if you cared about someone it didn't matter. And stabbing a friend in the back was unthinkable. There was never a price worthy of betraying a friend. Yet it happened everyday, all the time.

And again, there was the disappointment.

She believed that the concept of love shouldn't be thrown around and used to manipulate like it was. Love was sacred. It should never be given lightly, or with ulterior motives. Playing with someone on that level was worse than any physical harm that could be bestowed. A broken arm can heal and be forgotten about, never thought of again after the cast came off and life returned to normal. A broken heart took years to heal and could never, ever truly be forgotten again. And somehow most people didn't share her view. She had no idea there were so many ways to use love to harm others, but she had seen it with her own eyes. The woman who used the love of her husband to commit the murder of her lover. The man that used the love of his wife to keep her captive when he continually used her as his personal punching bag. The young girl that used the love of a boy as a means to escape an unhappy household only to leave him behind at her first opportunity for better.

Those people disappointed her more than any others. Love was sacred. It should never be toyed with.

Rick Castle had never disappointed her. In three years he'd never let her down. In fact, he actually did surprise her more often than she realized. Just when she thought the disappointment was inevitable, he rose up and gave her yet another to respect him, to admire him.

She believed in him, trusted him. Somehow she just knew that he believed in all the things that she did and they were just as important to him.

She raised her head just high enough to glance at her clock. The neon red _4:43_ glared back at her mockingly. She'd ended her conversation with Rick over three hours ago and here she was still obsessing over it.

Maybe she could call him again? Was it way too late now? She certainly didn't want to disturb him if he had managed to get some rest. It was a scared thing for both of them. Neither had the ability to sleep through the night successfully.

Castle's insomnia was different than hers, she'd learned over the years. His problem wasn't staying asleep, his problem was getting there in the first place. If it wasn't random aches and pains keeping him awake, (a particularly troubling knee kept him up most nights) it was his inability to shut his brain down for long enough to actually get to sleep. He was always thinking, always supposing, hypothesizing. In the darkness with nothing at all to distract it, his mind went into overtime. Many nights he had called her because some brilliant solutions to a problem sprang into his mind right as he was drifting off. He'd call her after an hour of writing everything down so he wouldn't forget it, too awake for sleep to be at all possible.

Kate's problem laid with staying asleep. Getting there was easy for her. Staying there was impossible. She had always been susceptible to bad dreams. Her sub conscious went haywire the moment she loosen her tight control of it. Now, with her job, with the things she saw everyday, her mind used her sleep as a means of dealing with it all. The side effect was waking in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, just about every night. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept through the night. It had been so long ago.

She was fairly certain that Castle had managed to overcome his insomnia demon by now and was sleeping peacefully, at last. She couldn't call him and take that away from him. It was too hard to come by. Still her fingers tingled with wanting to grab her phone. And she realized it was more than just clarification that she wanted from him. It was to simply hear him. They didn't talk often anymore. She'd missed the sound of his voice and their earlier conversation had been far too short. She felt like she was dying of thirst and someone had just given her a few drops of water. She wanted more.

Did all this mean that she was in love with Rick Castle? Was that what her subconscious was trying to say? She'd never really been in love before. She wasn't sure she knew the signs. But she knew some things for certain.

First, she knew her body reacted to him in way that wasn't appropriate for it to react to a friend and co-worker. Her breath hitched and her heart gave a tiny little leap every time he walked into a room. Her flesh warmed and tingled anytime he had an occasion to touch her. Her mouth watered when he looked at her in a certain way. She'd tried to ignore all these things. She chalked it all up to lust. He was a highly attractive man, after all. There was no denying that and millions of other women had the same opinion so she knew it must be true. She wasn't at all surprised that she reacted that way to him. She'd dreamed of him touching her since she first saw him on the back of his book's dustcover in her freshman year at college.

But now that she knew him, really knew him, his attraction had grown by leaps and bounds. There was more to his sparkling, blue eyes than you could interpret from a picture. The intelligence, the way he could look at you sometimes that made you feel his eyes brushing over your soul, that didn't translate well in a picture. There was so much more to his smile that the swaggering smirk that adorned the back of the book. It was so warm and friendly. Something about his smile just drew you in and once it did, the wit, the humor behind it kept you there. It was enthralling, that smile.

The body of the man in the photo appeared fit and trim enough, but she knew more now. She'd seen him move that body with a grace and power that surprised her. He was far tougher than she'd ever give him credit for. And there was no way of seeing from a photo how warm and reassuring that chest could be, how strong and capable his arms felt when they were wrapped around you. No matter how bad things seemed to be, how utterly destroyed she felt, those arms around her made everything okay, if only just while they were there. There had been times when the feel of his arms had been the only thing keeping her from simply falling apart.

So, yeah, the lust wasn't a terrible surprise for her. It had been an easy write off for that particular symptom.

More troubling was the second thing she'd come to realize when contemplating her feeling for him. It was the way she felt like she needed him. Like her day wasn't complete without him in it somewhere, no matter what the context or the length of time she spent with him. It just wasn't a day to her unless he made an appearance. When she found herself seeking him out, she wasn't sure what to make of it. She had always been a 'I can take 'em, over leave 'em' kind of girl. She'd never felt dependent on someone else to make her happy. She didn't need other people. She was capable of being happy all by herself. Or she was, until he showed up.

She still wasn't quite ready to understand what that meant. Everything about her feelings for him had taken time. It had taken time for her to come to think of him as her partner. Now she couldn't imagine anyone else filling that role in her life. It had taken time for her to admit that he was more than her partner. He was her friend. It had taken even more time for her to acknowledge that he was her best friend. It hadn't taken her near as much time for her to feel all those things. It was admitting things that she had a problem with.

Something about him made her feel weak, vulnerable. Every concession she gave him made it worse. It was like she feared his rejection. She had never feared being rejected before. And it wasn't because she thought herself some sex goddess that no man could refuse. It was that it simply didn't matter that much to her. If things worked out in her relationships, she was pleased. If they didn't, she wasn't that disturbed by it. She was an expert at keeping people at arm's length. Yet, Castle managed to shorten the length of those arms all the time. He got close. He got closer than anyone ever had before. He knew things, understood things about her that no one else did. And something about him made her trust him. It had really taken some time for that to come about. But it was there now. She believed now that he got it, got her, in way that she'd always dreamed of. Secretly she had always known that someone in the world would understand her like that. It just surprised her that that someone was Rick Castle.

And she knew it was because of the way she felt about him, that she feared him. She feared him because he was one of the few people in the world that could actually hurt her. She blamed herself. She didn't eve know why she'd given him that kind of power over her. But he had it now and there was no way to take it back. She just had to believe that he would never abuse it. She had to trust him not to hurt her.

Her phone rang and she jumped at the sudden noise ringing out into the darkness. Grabbing for the small electronic devise she put to her ear quickly.

"Beckett," she answered in her customary way.

"Castle," he replied just as formally.

She chuckled in response. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Nearly five last time I looked, but I'm just guessing. It's been a while since to checked," he told her.

"It is nearly five. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Why aren't you?" he countered.

"How do you know I wasn't?" She couldn't help but smile as she snuggled down into her warm blankets and let his voice wash over her. How had he known she needed him like that?

"You answered on the first ring and you don't sound at all sleepy," he said.

"Alright, I wasn't sleeping. But I was trying. I've been trying all night."

"Me, too. Tell me why you can't sleep and I'll tell you why I can't."

She sighed and shifted again. "Just couldn't stop thinking, I guess."

"Now that's my problem. Not yours. You have the bad dreams," he teased.

"Why didn't you call me back when you still couldn't sleep?" she asked.

"Why didn't you call me back?"

"Will you please stop answering every question with a question?"

"Okay, I haven't been able to stop thinking, either. And I didn't call because I figured you probably managed to get to sleep and I didn't want to wake you."

"Breakfast?" she suggested out of the blue. She had had enough of conversations with him over the phone. She needed to see him and she wasn't willing to wait until dinner.

"You want to meet for breakfast?"

"Yes, we can meet right here. I'll make us breakfast."

"No, I don't want you moving around too much. You're still healing."

"I'm healed. I feel fine. And I'm going to make breakfast for myself. Adding a few more pancakes to the mix won't make a difference." She told him.

"How about this? I'll come over, but I'll stop on the way and pick something up. All you have to make is coffee," he suggested. "Unless you want me to pick that up, too."

"No," she chuckled. "I think I can handle the coffee. I'll see you in twenty minutes."

It was more like thirty minutes when he finally arrived. He offered a weak, "Traffic" as an explanation when she opened the door for him.  
>She did her best not to notice the way the blueness of his shirt made his eyes dance with mirth, or the warmth of his smile when he looked at her and said, "I've missed you, Kate." She tried not to fixate on the way his shoulder and back muscles flexed when he shrugged off his camel colored leather jacket and tossed it to the back of her sofa.<p>

He had gotten up in the middle of the night, gotten her breakfast and trudged halfway across the city to bring it to her. She felt she owed it to him when she returned his warm smile and said softly, "I've missed you, too."

After he settled on one of the couch, she took the other and looked at him expectantly. "What did you bring us?"

"Oh," he sputtered. He handed her the bag in his hands like he'd just remembered it was there and gave her another almost coy smile. "It's not a bear claw."

She smiled as she glanced down at the overflowing bag of food she was holding. "I would have been happy with my usual."

"I know, but it's been a while since we shared a meal and it's Sunday."

"What does that mean?" she asked though she was almost afraid to.

He chuckled to himself. "Alexis was always busy. Once she started school I hardly saw her. So we started this tradition. Sunday is 'our day'. We don't work, or make plans with anyone else until after noon on Sunday. Then we make a sinful breakfast and sit in the dean, eating it and watching cartoons."

"Sounds sweet. When was the last time you and Alexis had an 'our day'?" she asked pensively.

He smiled whimsically. "It's been a while. But I still make a sinful breakfast and watch cartoons on Sunday mornings."

She handed him her the remote control for the T.V. and smiled as he took it. "Channel 47 has all the cartoons worth watching," she said as she began to paw through the bag.

The roadrunner had been cleverly thwarting the coyote's attempts to capture it for the last half hour. The defeat was becoming pain to watch.  
>Kate leaned forward and snagged the last of the chocolate eclairs from the coffee table.<p>

Rick glanced at her in protest with a pout on his lips. She stuck her tongue out and quickly bit off half of the cream filled pastry.

"You could share, at least," he whined.

"I have the ability to share, yes." she nodded. "What I don't have is the will."

"I drove all the way over here at five in the morning to bring you breakfast," he argued.

"Really?" she asked, eyebrows jumping to her hairline. "You're going to use that card on something as silly as the last eclair?"

He just looked at her in response.

"Fine," she huffed, and raised the pastry towards him.

He leaned closer to her and simply bit it from her hand. When he did, his lips brushed her hand and she nearly jerked it back instinctively.

He glanced up quickly sensing a reaction from her he wasn't expecting. It took every bit of her acting skills to pretend she hadn't felt the tiny shock when his lips touched her skin.

She jerked her eyes towards the T.V., pretending to be interested as the roadrunner ran off down the road again completely unharmed.

In the next instant, he was glancing at his watch and struggling to raise himself from the floor where they had landed when breakfast really got going. She stared at his hand where it was resting on the back of the couch, inches from her cheek. She wanted to reach out for him. She wanted to make him stop before he left.

"I should go. I have this lunch thing I need to get ready for," he said when he finally made it upright.

"Lunch thing? It's six-thirty. Are you meeting the president?" she asked.

"I have a date." He looked down at his hands before meeting her eyes again. "I'm seeing someone, Kate."

"I heard. So sit back down and tell me about her. It's early."

He gave a troubled sigh before nodding and coming back. But instead of sliding back down to the floor to join her, he perched on the edge of the sofa.

"Well?" she asked, when he hadn't spoken in a few minutes.

"Her name is Morgan," he began. "She's a nice girl, funny, smart, beautiful."

Kate felt like each adjective was jabbing her in the chest, but she refused to let him see it, instead she forced a smile that she hoped came across as warm and friendly. "She sounds great."

"She is," he nodded in agreement. "She's a teacher. High school English and she writes, too."

"Has she been published?" Kate asked, although keeping the smile in place was taking almost all of her concentration.

"No, I'm thinking about having Gina look at one of her manuscripts though. I think all she needs is some confidence."

Kate shifted, instantly on alert. "Are you planning on telling her before Gina looks at her manuscript?"

"She doesn't let people read her work. I was thinking that if Gina read it and liked it, it might help her get over not letting anyone read her work. If Gina doesn't like it, no harm done. I just won't ever mention it again," he explained.

"You are going to steal her manuscript and give it to your ex-wife to read?" Kate clarified.

He shrugged.

"Don't do this, Castle. She will hate you for it."

The words were bitter as they left her mouth. She had far more to gain by just letting him make the mistake. And it was a mistake. There was no question of that. But then Castle had never been big on letting things go. He always meant well, but it never worked out for him.

"What? Why not? I'm just trying to help her," he protested.

Kate pulled her body around to face him completely. "This is going to blow up in your face. There is a reason she doesn't let people read her work. But obviously that doesn't apply to you. She trusted you with it and now you're going to turn around and betray her with it."

He rolled his eyes. "Well when you put it that way, it does sound bad I guess."

"At least feel her out first." Kate suggested. "Find out why she doesn't let people read her stuff."

"Alright," he agreed. "I'll find out first." He looked away from her then back again with an earnestness in his eyes that wasn't normal for him. "Thank you, Kate."

She shrugged this time. "Always. So when do I get to meet this woman that's stolen your heart?"

"I didn't say she stole my heart," he corrected her a little too quickly, then he cleared his throat. "Maybe you could join us for lunch today? She's been dying to meet you."

"I don't know, Castle. Then I'd be sharing three meals in one day with you. I'm not sure I can take that much of you," she teased.

"Okay then she can come with us for dinner," he suggested.

She shook her head immediately. "No, I can make it for lunch."

She felt like a child as the jealousy welled up in her. Lunch she could accept. Besides, it meant an added bonus of getting to spend the entire day with Rick. But she had no intention of sharing him over their dinner.

_It's a date,_ the words repeated once again. Well at least now, she didn't need to clarify it anymore. It obviously wasn't a date in his mind. He wouldn't have readily invited his new girlfriend along if that was the way he saw it. She tried to hide the disappointment of that.

"Good then, lunch it is. So what are we going to do for the rest of the morning?"

"The paper just came. I heard it hit the door."

He went to get the newspaper while she refilled their coffee.

The scene she found herself in the middle of startled her when she really gave her surrounding her attention.

He had moved back to the floor. He was holding part of the newspaper in one hand and his other was softly rubbing her feet which had somehow ended up in his lap. She was holding another section of the paper, glancing over the headlines until something caught her attention. Neither of them had spoken in well over an hour, unless it was a quick comment about what they were reading. Occasionally one of them would reach for their coffee. Other than that, they were still, quiet and completely engrossed in what they were doing. And they were doing it like they'd been doing it together for years.

But what really got her was that she could see herself doing this, sharing the Sunday paper and drinking coffee with this man, for the rest of her life.

"Do you have the entertainment section?" he asked, as he leafed through the pile of newspaper beside him.

She glanced through her sections and handed it to him when she found it. "You aren't thinking about doing the crossword, are you?"

"Not yet," he smiled at her over the paper.

"You can't do the crossword out of my paper. Get your own paper," she protested.

"How about we do it together when we're finished reading?" he suggested.

She thought about that for a moment. She'd never been able to get through the Sunday crossword on her own anyway. Maybe together they could finish it. "Deal. Now where are the comics?"

He laughed. "You read the comics?"

"Of course I read the comics."

He picked up a section that was discarded at his side and handed it over. "Doonesbury is hilarious."

She quickly found the comic he was talking about and read it, giving a little chuckle after finishing.

"See, I told you. _Night of the comet _is playing downtown. We should go."

"I love that one," she agreed.

"I figured if you liked _Forbidden Planet_, you'd like _Night of the comet._"

Kate's phone rang and she reached for it and brought it to her ear. "Beckett," she answered.

"I hope I didn't wake you." Lanie said.

"No, I'm just sitting here reading the paper, drinking coffee, eating donuts and watching Looney Tunes. What's up?"

"Castle is there." Lanie said bluntly.

"What makes you say that?" Kate asked.

"Looney Tunes? Donuts?"

"Okay, so you're right."

"What is Castle doing at your apartment at barely after eight on a Sunday morning?" Lanie wanted to know.

"He brought me breakfast."

"Since when are you talking again?" Lanie pushed.

"Can we talk about this later?" Kate asked, hoping her friend would get the hint.

"Alright. I was going to ask you out for breakfast. But since you're already engaged, how about lunch?"

"I can't today. I'm meeting Morgan."

There was a long moment of silence. "What the hell are you doing, Kate?"

"I'm eating donuts, drinking coffee, reading the paper and watching Looney Tunes with Castle," she repeated.

Lanie huffed audibly. "Well, you have fun torturing yourself. You call me later and we can have a good cry over this."

"I don't think it will come to that," Kate chuckled. "But I will call you later."

* * *

><p>"23 down is relative," Kate announced from over Rick's shoulder.<p>

"If that's right, that makes this alter," he agreed, quickly penning the word onto the page he was holding.

Kate's eyes scanned the paper and she huffed in frustration. "32 across makes no sense now."

"Yes, it does. It has to be vintage."

"Okay then what's 29 across?" she asked, brow crinkling as she tried to concentrate.

"West of Batman?" he read. Then turned his head to look at her. "How do you not know that one?"

"Not really a Batman fan, but I take it you know so write it in."

He scribbled the name Adam in the appropriate blanks with a disappointed tsk. "You mean you never saw the original Batman series on television? The one with all the _Pows_ and _bangs _and _Zaps_?"

"No, I never have," she confirmed. "It was a little before my time."

He rolled his eyes at her. "It was a little before my time, too. But I caught all the reruns."

She sat back, leaning once again against the side of the couch and gave a hearty yawn.

"Why don't you try to take a nap?" he asked, casting his eyes her way.

"It's nine o'clock in the morning. Too early for a nap."

"Not if you didn't sleep the night before," he countered. "And you are on leave. That means you sleep when your tired, get up when you want. You really should be taking advantage of all this free time."

She thought about that for a moment. "I guess I am a little sleepy."

He got to his feet quickly and gathered up all the newspaper. Then he sat it on the coffee table and offered her his hand. She took it and he helped her to her feet.

"You go sleep. I'll see you at lunch," he said as he made a grab for his jacket.

"Where?" she asked, before he got very far.

"I'll pick you up. Say around 11:30," he offered.

She nodded and he went back to gathering his things. "Rick," she started and he stopped instantly and turned to her with raised eyebrows. "Do you love her?"

He gave her a whimsical smile. "Too soon to tell."

"Could you love her?" she pushed.

He paused for a moment like he was really thinking about his answer. Then he shrugged. "Anything's possible."

"I haven't said thank you yet."

"Thank you for what?"

"Saving my life. You tried to jump in front of a bullet for me three weeks ago and I still haven't said thank you." She pushed her hair away from her face nervously. "So thank you."

He stepped close to her, almost, but not quite in her personal space. "No need to thank me. I'm your partner. I've got your back, always. Besides you wouldn't have gotten shot if it wasn't for me. Don't think I don't know that."

"What does that mean? How do you figure you're to blame for me getting shot?"

"If I hadn't pushed you to look into your mother's death. If I had just let it go when you told me to, none of this would have happened. Montgomery would still be alive. You wouldn't have gotten shot."

"You don't think that's the way I see it, do you? You don't think I blame you for any of this?" she asked, stepping just a step closer to him.

He looked away from her quickly then looked right back. "I don't see any other way to see it."

She took another step, bringing her close enough to place a hand on his shoulder. "Rick, you are not to blame for anything that's happened. You thought you were helping me. You were trying to do a good thing because you care about me. I know that. I don't blame you."

His eyes went to her hand on his shoulder then back to her face. "I blame me, Kate. Do you remember anything about getting shot?"

She blinked in surprise. "Not really. It's all pretty fuzzy. I remember starting my speech, then the next thing I knew I was on the ground and you were there with me. Then nothing until I woke up two days later. Why?"

He smile again. "Nothing. I was just wondering. I should really get going. You need to sleep."

"I'm kind of over the tired thing. I was thinking about grabbing a shower." She told him as she let her hand fall away.

He reached for her before she could turn away. "You need sleep. Do I have to tuck you in?"

She chuckled. "I'm really not tired anymore. I'll be fine."

He dropped his jacket to the couch and took both her shoulders in his hands. Then he turned her and pushed her towards the bedroom. Once there, he stopped long enough to pull back her blankets. Then he ushered her into the bed and covered her with them.

"Get some sleep, Kate," he said quietly, yet firmly.

She nodded. "Alright. I'll sleep. Call me in a couple of hours to make sure I'm up."

"Will do. Now don't let me find out you got out of this bed without even trying to rest."

"Alright, I said I would sleep. What are you going to do, sit in the chair and watch me to make sure?"

"If need be," he answered without hesitating. "Someone needs to take care of you. If you won't do it, I will."

He smoothed the blankets one last time before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss to her forehead. When he pulled back he looked a little stricken because of the perfunctory movement, then he shrugged. "Sorry, Alexis, habit."

"It's okay. I'll see you later."

He nodded and left the room without another word. She was asleep as soon as she heard the front door close behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

She heard him screaming her name out a moment before the loud pop of a gunshot rang out in the quiet of the cemetery. She felt her knees buckle as his large, heavy form fell into her and they both hit the ground with enough force to knock the breath from their lungs.

Then all she knew was him. He was stroking her hair, pleading with her to stay with him, begging her to talk to him. The pressure in her chest was almost more than she could bare. There was no pain, and she didn't understand that. There should have been pain. Judging from the look on Castle's face, there definitely should have been pain. Yet she felt nothing. Nothing except a heaviness in her body that made moving impossible. Her limbs weren't responding to her commands. She wanted so badly to reach up and touch his tear-streaked face and tell him she was okay.

Unable to move, she found his eyes and held his gaze with her own, trying to convey the message with her stare. He wasn't getting it. Panic still covered his face and his eyes held a sorrow that broke her heart.

Then he said it, 'I love you,' he whispered. 'I love you, Kate.'

That was the last thing she remembered before the darkness took over.

She bolted upright with a jolt. Back in her bedroom, in the quiet of her apartment with the afternoon sun streaming in through the sheer curtains that covered her windows, the dream began to fade as it usually did.

But this time was different. Always before the dream ended with her laying there on the grass with Castle hovering over her, staring down with pain-filled eyes. But he never spoke. Never before did she remember him saying anything as he watched her dying in his arms.

The ringing of her phone brought her instantly back to reality and she grabbed for it quickly.

"Beckett."

"Castle," he answered in his usual way. "You told me to call you to make sure you were up. So I'm calling you to make sure you're up."

She couldn't help. "I'm up," she replied. "But I think I may have to cancel on lunch. I'm not sure I'm up for it."

"Are you okay? Is everything alright? I can cancel and be over there in ten minutes."

She laughed out loud. "First off, you can't get anywhere in this city in ten minutes. But everything is fine. I'm just feeling a little tired. Maybe I can get a rain check on lunch?"

"Of course you can. Anytime. What about dinner? Do you need a rain check for that, too?" He still sounded concerned.

"No, I'll be fine for dinner. I just need to rest today."

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Wear something nice. We have reservations at Dontano's for seven," he told her.

"Dontano's? How did you get reservations there on such short notice?"

"The owner is a fan." She could almost see him shrug through the phone.

"Okay, I'll be ready. Thank you for understanding about lunch."

"Of course. You getting better is the important thing. If you need to rest, then you need to rest."

"Rick, this morning when you asked me what I remembered about getting shot, did something happen that I should have remembered? Am I forgetting something important?"

"No, no," he answered a little too quickly. "I was just curious. Why? Have you remembered something since we talked about it?"

"Nope, nothing at all," she lied.

"Alright then, I'll see you around six-thirty tonight."

"Six-thirty it is," she agreed.

"It's a date," he said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

><p>It was exactly what he wanted. She didn't remember and that was a good thing. He fought down the surge of disappointment that came with the knowledge and told himself once again that it was better that she didn't remember. He didn't want her to remember. He got it now.<p>

He had come very close to being responsible for her death and he couldn't live with that. He'd actually been thinking about not shadowing her anymore. The further he removed himself from her life the better. But he couldn't make himself walk away completely. He knew that now. He couldn't imagine what his life would be like without her in it.

He tucked his phone back into his pocket and glanced up and down the busy sidewalk. He had been just about to grab a cab to pick her up. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at the change of plans. He always hated it when a chance to spend time with Kate was robbed from him.

He shouldn't feel that way. It was wrong. He would never have her like that. She didn't love him. He was the worst kind of bad for her. Somehow he would just have to learn to stop thinking about her like that. He had to. There was no other way. He caused her nothing but misery and put her in danger as well.

She was over all this before he came along, had resigned herself to fact that she might never find out who killed her mother. Then he came along and dragged it all back up. He knew without a doubt that the first thing she'd want to do when she got back to work was find out who shot her. And of course, that would just plunge her right back into the pit that nearly destroyed her once already.

He was determined to fix it though. He would stay long enough to make sure she had buried this case once again. Then he would get as far away from her as he could before he stirred something else up that was better left dormant.

With a heavy sigh, he crossed the street against the light and made his way down the crowded sidewalk towards his lunch date. He chided himself because he was feeling much less light on his feet since faced with the knowledge that she wouldn't be joining them. Somehow, he just had to make himself stop thinking that way. He had to stop seeing her that way. He had to stop feeling as if his day wasn't complete without her in it somewhere. He had to stop grabbing his phone to call her every time something occurred to him. He had to stop depending on her to make him happy.

And he was trying. Morgan was a huge step in his 'getting over Kate' plan. He needed her to fill the void. Because the void couldn't just be left unfilled. If it was, he'd run right back to Kate every chance he got and that would get him nowhere.

He stepped into the restaurant, shucked off his coat and glanced around the crowded interior for his date. Once he spotted her sitting at a table in the back, he started towards her. He was almost there when someone reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Richard Castle?" a small, swarthy man in a tacky suit with a thick black mustache and thinning, greasy-looking hair said when he turned.

"Yes," he answered, assuming the man wanted an autograph.

"We need to talk," the man said as he pressed something into Rick's hand. "Call me at your earliest convenience. I promise it will be worth your while to listen to what I have to say."

Rick glanced at the card the man had put in his hand. "Jeremy Bentner? Do I know you?"

"No, but I know you and more importantly I know Kate Beckett. I believe you're acquainted with her."

"What does this have to do with Kate?" Rick asked, stepping closer to the man, preparing to grab him if he didn't like his answer.

"It has everything to do with Detective Beckett. But we can't talk about this here. Call me, soon." Mr. Bentner said before stepping back into the crowd of people and doing his best to disappear.

Rick wasn't fooled. He took off after the smaller man, using his height advantage to spot the nearly bald head as he mingled with the other diners coming and going from the restaurant.

He only lost him for a split second as Bentner ducked out the door. When Rick finally exited he scanned the sidewalk trying to catch a glimpse of him, but he was gone.

"What was that about?" Morgan asked when Rick got the table and sank tiredly down in his chair.

"I don't know," he told her, staring at the card in his hand.

"What did that man want?"

"He was asking about Kate." He shook his head and shoved the card into his pocket. "I'll find out later. Right now, tell me about your day."

* * *

><p>She'd lied to him. She hated it, but she'd done it anyway. He'd lied to her, or at least, she thought he had. She couldn't be sure. What if what she remembered from the cemetery hadn't really happened at all? What if she'd made the whole thing up in her mind? Was she dreaming up a confession of love because it was something she wanted to hear? She couldn't be sure whether it was real or not and the only person who could clear up the mystery wasn't talking. Why would he tell her there was nothing important to remember when there was? Had he changed his mind? Did he want to take it back, if he'd even said it in the first place? Maybe the weeks they'd spent apart had served to show him that he was wrong, that he didn't love her like he thought he did. Maybe Morgan had changed it all for him.<p>

Whatever the reason, he obviously didn't want her to remember the confession. It had been a coerced confession anyway. It would never stand up in court. She'd been dying, for God's sake. People say a lot of things when the think its the last thing they'll ever say to someone.

And now she felt like a coward. She couldn't face him sitting there making googly eyes at his new girlfriend across the table. She didn't want to know this woman. Meeting her would make her real. Right now, she could still pretend she didn't exist. Right now, she was free to make her anything she wanted to in her mind. Meeting her would change that. And of course, Kate already knew once she met her, she would like her. How could she not? If Rick liked her, Kate couldn't imagine Morgan was the kind of woman she could hate.

She shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position on the sofa. She'd been sitting in the exact same spot for hours. Papers were strewn out over the coffee table and she was currently studying a close up picture of the scene of her shooting.

She was determined to push all things Castle from her mind for a bit and her shooting was just the ticket for making that happen. Kate had already decided, one way or another, she was going to find the person that shot her.

"I should have known you wouldn't do what I asked you to do," Jim Beckett said from the kitchen doorway. He was there making his daily visit to make her lunch. He hadn't missed a day since she came home from the hospital. Kate wondered what he was going to do once she went back to work.

"What's that?" she asked, not looking up from the papers in front of her.

"I asked you to put all that away. I asked you to stop this before you got yourself killed," he reminded her. She glanced up at hearing the tone in his voice and saw the anger on his face. "Katie, you have to stop this. I can't lose you, too."

She tossed the photo on top of the pile and sat back. "You want me to just go about my life knowing there is someone out there that wants me dead. What if Castle isn't there to push me out of the way the next time? What if he is there and the bullet finds him instead?"

He took his usual place in the chair beside the couch. "Let the other detectives find the person that shot you. I know there are other people working on it."

"Castle, Ryan and Esposito have been working on it since it happened and so far, they've got nothing. I can't live with nothing."

He leveled her with a steely eyed gaze. "This time you may just have to."

She shook her head violently. "No, there is something they missed, something I'll be able to see that they didn't."

"I thought you told me that Castle is as good as you at this. If he couldn't find anything, what makes you think you can?" he pressed.

"Because, none of them want to find this guy as bad as I do," she explained.

"Oh no, Katie, that's where you're wrong. Rick Castle wants this guy just as badly as you do, if not worse."

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Because this monster shot the woman he loves. Whoever shot you tried to take you away from him. He's not a man that will take that lightly. Believe me, Katie, he's plenty motivated."


	5. Chapter 5

She didn't know what to expect and that was killing her. She wasn't a 'fly by the seat of your pants' kind of girl. She was a 'plan everything to the last detail' kind of girl. Not knowing was making her crazy.

It wasn't like she hadn't had dinner with Castle a million times before and she didn't know why this was so special.

_Because it's the first time either of you has called it a date_, she told herself.

It had to be the reason. But people said that all the time. It didn't necessarily mean anything.

This was different. Something inside her was telling her, this would turn out to be a night she would never forget, a game changer for her and Castle. She didn't know if she was ready for the game to change yet.

Her phone rang, yanking her from her near panic attack and bringing her back to her modest-sized apartment. She was in the middle of her bedroom, pawing through just about every item in her closet. She hadn't spent this much time getting ready to go out since prom.

She tossed a pile of sweaters to the side and reached for her phone.

"Beckett," she answered once she had it.

"How was lunch?" her best friend asked as soon as she answered. "Do I need to bring ice cream and come over right away? Or does this call for something stronger? Whiskey, perhaps?"

"I am the biggest chicken shit in the world. I coped out at the last minute. Told him I was tired. Now I'm trying to get ready for our dinner date." She told her, sinking down onto an unoccupied spot on the corner of the bed.

"You aren't a chicken shit. You're a survivalist. There is a difference. Meeting that girl will do nothing but cause you pain. Now, what dinner date?"

"I'm having dinner with him. He said before we hung up, 'it's a date'." she explained.

"He said that? Just like that, 'it's a date'?"

"Yeah, I might have said it first, but he repeated it. Does that count?" She was biting the tip of her fingernail now. This was getting ridiculous. "I'm kinda freaking out here, Lanie. Did he mean it? Do I have a date with Castle tonight?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for so long Kate thought she might have lost the connection. Then Lanie cleared her throat. "I'm just finishing up here. I'll take the rest of the afternoon off and be right there. I know this isn't your area of expertize."

"So it is a date?" Kate repeated. She really needed someone to clarify it for her.

"It certainly sounds that way." Lanie agreed.

Kate's heart plummeted to the bottom of her chest before springing up to her throat again. "Oh God!" she groaned.

"It's going to be okay. Jump in the shower. I'll be there by the time you're done. It's not like you've never been on a date before." Lanie tried to calm her, but it wasn't working.  
>She'd been on plenty of dates before, just none that counted like this one did.<p>

"I'm not ready for this," she admitted.

"Four years later, I'd say you're past the point of ready. Now you're just procrastinating. I'll see you in twenty minutes and remember to shave your legs, you never know where the night might take you. You don't want to ruin it with stumble."

Then she was gone.

Kate Beckett was desperate. Fifteen minutes and a shower later and she was in full on panic mode.

She stared at her phone, lying just within her reach on the bedside table and wanted nothing more than to call him. He was the only one that could really settle all this. She wished she had the nerve to pick up the damn thing and just ask him. But what if asking ruined everything.

Then she realized she wanted this to be a date, wanted that more than anything actually. Maybe she was ready and it was just nerves telling her it wasn't time yet. Lanie was right, they'd been ducking and dodging this thing between them for four years now. She remembered quite clearly the first thing she wanted to do as she looked at him for the first time through the one-way mirror of the interrogation room, was jump his bones. It was an instant attraction and she was pretty sure from the look on his face when she came in and sat down across the table from him, it was a mutual one.

Then he had opened his mouth and all her fantasies came crashing down around her feet.

He had been rebuilding those fantasies in a hundred little ways since then.

The time for thinking, waiting and hoping was over. It was time for action now. She needed some reality. She spent too much time living in a fantasy world where he was concerned.

The knock at the door startled her and she jumped up to answer it.

She was expecting Lanie, what she got was mini-Castle.

"What are you doing here?" she asked the petite redhead on the other side of her door.

"I was hoping I could talk to you," she said hesitantly.

"Of course," Kate responded immediately and held the door open for her. "Is everything alright?"

"It's fine, you know," she shrugged as she stepped inside. "Nothing life threatening or even life altering. I just haven't seen you since the hospital. I wanted to check on you."

She went to the couch and sank down into a corner of it before glancing around the room nervously.

"Okay," Kate answered slowly, not believing a word Alexis was saying. She came to the couch and joined her on the opposite end. "I'm fine. Recovering nicely. I'm going back to work in a few days. Thank you for being concerned. I appreciate it."

"Will Dad be going back to work with you?" she asked, looking over at her.

"That's the plan," Kate nodded.

"Isn't there anything you can do to make that not the plan?"

Kate's eyes widened in surprise. Alexis had never had a problem with her father working with her before. In fact, she thought the teenager was on board with Castle's new pastime of following her around. "Is there some reason you don't want him coming back to work with me?"

Alexis shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "You got shot. You almost died. If my dad had been a second quicker, it would have been him." She paused then before looking back at Kate with tears filling her blue eyes. "I can't lose him, Kate. I can't."

Kate scooted closer and put her around her. "I know, Sweetie. I'm not going to let anything happen to your father. Keeping him safe is my number one priority."

"But you can't know for sure that nothing will happen to him. What you do is dangerous. Dad isn't a cop. He needs to stop pretending he is." Alexis argued.

Kate let her go and sat back. She wasn't sure how to explain this to her, but she needed to try. "Alexis, Honey, you're dad is a cop. It's in his blood. Some of us are born with it. He's one of those people. The path he took might have taken him down a different road at first, but its a path that's been leading him here his whole life. I'm not sure there's anything we can do to stop it now. It's what he does, and he's one of the best I've ever meet."

"But it doesn't have to be this way. He doesn't need to do this. He has plenty of money. He could go back to writing full time like he used to. It would be easy. All you have to do is tell him to go away."

Kate laughed. "You think if I tell Castle to go away, he'll just go and that will be the end of it?"

Alexis didn't smile like she expected her to, instead her face became grim and serious. "You're the reason he's doing this now. You know that, right? The only reason he's keeping this up is because it's the only way he can see you. Maybe if he didn't think he'd lose you if he quit, it would be that easy."

"I think you're making me out to be way more important than I am," Kate argued.

"No, I'm not. He's in love you." Alexis blurted out bluntly. "And I think maybe you might be in love with him, too. So," she paused and shrugged. "It's a win-win. Tell him you love him. Then tell him to stop shadowing you."

Kate was stunned, so stunned, in fact, that she almost didn't hear the knocking at the door.

Alexis looked at her expectantly when she didn't move and raised her eyebrows. "You want me to get that?" she offered and Kate nodded at her numbly.

_He's in love with you and I think maybe you're in love with him, too._ She couldn't make the words go away. They were burned into her brain and repeating themselves insistently over and over in her head.

_Tell him you love him. Then tell him to stop shadowing you._ A simple plan full of logic and maturity and it had come from the mouth of a child. She made it sound so easy. Tell him you love him, simply as that. Just come right out with it.

She'd contemplated many times telling him he couldn't follow her around any more. As much as she valued his help, his safety was more important. He wasn't trained for this kind of work. He had no business out in the field, getting shot at, getting kidnapped, getting hurt. Every time he came into danger, she thought about it. She couldn't live with the thought that he might get hurt because of her. And it would be her fault. No matter what happened out there, Alexis was right, he was only there because of her.

"Kate, are you okay?" Lanie asked, coming to sit beside her.

She nodded, trying to shake the thoughts repeating in her head. "I'm fine. Where's Alexis?"

"She met me at the door and left after she let me in. Did she say something to upset you? What's wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. She just gave me something to think about. Do you think Castle is only following me because it's the only way he thinks he can be around me? Is he putting himself in danger just so he can spend time with me?"

Lanie sat back and looked shocked for half a second. "Well, he certainly isn't doing research for his books anymore. He's like a walking encyclopedia on you. But no, I think he's following you because he loves the work as much as he loves you."

"You think he's in love with me, too?" Kate demanded, snatching her eyes up at her friend.

"Of course, he's in love with you. People you pass on the street know how he feels about you," Lanie tsked at her. "Beyond anything else, you can be certain of that. That man is totally in love with you."

Kate buried her face in her hands. "Oh God!"

Lanie's hand came to rest on her arm. "Now, don't panic. This doesn't change anything. You've known he's in love with you for a while. You not have admitted it to yourself, but you've known. The question is are you ready to admit that you're in love with him?"

She pulled her hands away letting them fall to her lap bonelessly. "What about this new girl, Morgan? Where does she fit into all this?"

"Morgan is Castle's way of trying to move on. But since he was here at eight in the morning instead of with her, I'd say it isn't working."

"So she's just a poor girl that got caught in the middle of all this and she's going to get hurt because of that?" Kate asked.

Lanie nodded solemnly. "Just like Demming and Gina and Josh and everyone else either of you has tried to have a relationship with since you met."

Tears welled in her eyes suddenly and fear gripped her. "I can't do this, Lanie. I can't be what he needs. I'm a mess. You know that. I'll mess this up and my one chance at happiness will be destroyed."

Lanie held her hands up. "Whoa, maybe that's the problem. You are putting too much pressure on yourself. You and Castle are easy. I've seen the two of you together. This doesn't have to be so hard. All you have to do is be you. That's what he wants, what he needs."

"Be myself? You know me. I'm not what he needs. I'll never be what he needs."

She could feel a full onslaught of tears coming on now. She hated herself for feeling so damaged. She hated that Castle had gotten mixed up in all this. He was a good man, loyal, strong, loving. He deserved more than she had to offer. She'd never be able to open up to him like he needed.

"Why can't things just stay like they are? Why does anything have to change?" Kate asked, swiping at her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

"Because you see now that if you don't do something, you are going to miss your chance. You only get so many. It's time, Kate. Where you are now isn't enough for you anymore. Make the move. See where this is going. You know you belong together. It's time for you to be together."

"That's easy enough to say. But don't you both understand, I'll destroy him. All my faults and issues, I'll only end up dragging him down with me," Kate protested. "Alexis is young. She doesn't get it, but Lanie, you know how I am when it comes to relationships. It never ends well. I can't afford for this thing with Castle to end."

Kate sat back because it suddenly looked like Lanie might hit her. But she seemed to quell the impulse and got to her feet instead. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and stared her down as if Kate were a naughty child. "Get your ass off this couch and let's go find you something to wear. Tonight, you are going out on a date with the man you love and if you want to keep him, you'll tell him how you feel."

Then she turned smartly on her heel and went off towards the bedroom muttering under her breath, "dragging him down with you," as she shook her head scornfully.

Two hours later, Kate walked out of her bedroom a new woman.

"Explain to me again why you have a leather dress," Lanie said as she stepped out with her.

The dress wasn't entirely leather. It had two leather inserts on the sides of the bodice. The sleeves were long and lace. The neckline plunged nearly low enough to be considered indecent. It was black, with a full skirt that stopped just about mid thigh. She'd added a red leather belt to give it some color and a heart-shaped ruby pendant that rested right at the top of her cleavage, of which there was plenty. She finished it off with matching earrings and a pair of red heels she'd had buried in the back of her closet so long she forgot she had them. Black hose covered her long legs and her hair was up with a scattering of tendrils that framed her perfectly made up face, thanks to Lanie.

"I bought it on a whim," she muttered as she collected her things and threw them into a small red clutch. Then she stopped at the mirror beside her front door and began fiddling with her skirt. "Are you sure this isn't too much?"

"It's perfect. Stop. You look beautiful." Lanie told her. "I'm going. Think about what I said. And if you won't do that, think about what Alexis said."

"I will," Kate answered, leaning in for a quick hug.

"It's going to be fine, Kate. He loves you. He just needs you to make the first move. Call me later, or tomorrow, whichever is more convenient." She gave her a knowing smile and left without another word leaving Kate alone to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Richard Castle's hands twitched restlessly where they rested at his sides as he walked into the falling down, abandoned warehouse in one of the worst parts of New York City. He was sure he'd gone crazy. Agreeing to meet someone here, alone with no backup was insane, even if it was the middle of the day. His steps were cautious and silent as he moved inside the building and blinked at the sudden dim lighting that met him.

Once he'd adjusted to the change in light, he looked around and found nothing to look at. It was a completely empty, massive room. No walls, no second floor, nothing but a scattering of filthy windows set high up on the walls to disallow peepers. The floor was concrete and swept clean of any debris. The walls were painted a flat gray color and totally bare.

Rick pulled the lapels of his knee-length, camel-colored, leather coat into the center of his chest. He didn't take a step further than the door. There he stood, shifting nervously from one brown calfskin Bontoni shoe to the other, and waited.

The man on the phone said meet him here, come alone. He had information about Kate's shooter. There was nothing Rick wouldn't do to get that information, even put himself in mortal danger.

He stepped forward quickly as the door behind him began to open and the man from the restaurant stepped inside. He circled around Rick cautiously as if assessing him. He turned and stepped away, walking nearly halfway across the room before turning sharply on his heel.

Rick saw the flash of silver in the man's hand a second before he realized what was about to happen. He had no time to duck, no time to jump out of the way. Before he got a chance to make any move at all, the loud ring of a gunshot sounded throughout the room and Rick fell in a heavy heap to the ground.

* * *

><p>Kate reached into her red clutch and extracted her ringing cellphone from its depths.<p>

"Is my dad with you?" Alexis asked the moment Kate answered.

"I'm waiting on him to pick me up now, Sweetie. Why is something wrong?" Kate asked, suddenly concerned.

"I've been trying to call him for two hours now and he isn't answering. I'm starting to get worried. He always calls me back," she explained.

Kate sat up straighter, cop instincts immediately on high alert. Alexis was right. Castle always called her back. He never ignored a call from his daughter. "When was the last time you heard from him?"

Alexis paused. "This morning I guess. He came in just before lunch and changed clothes, then he left to have lunch with Morgan. Do you think something happened to him?"

"I'm sure it's nothing, Honey. He can be forgetful. Maybe he turned off his phone for some reason and forgot to turn it back on," Kate said, not at all convinced that that was the case. "Did he have any appointments this afternoon, something he was doing after lunch, maybe?"

"None that I know of except dinner with you," she replied.

"Alright, find your grandmother and see if she's heard from him. I'm going to look for him. I'll call you back as soon as I find him." She told her with as much nonchalance as she could muster in her voice. She didn't want Alexis to panic.

After a few more reassurances from Kate, Alexis agreed and hung up. Kate snatched her red leather jacket from the back of the chair and stalked out of her apartment on a mission. Since she was apparently the last person to see Castle, it was high time Kate met his new girlfriend.

* * *

><p>"I'm Detective Kate Beckett, Rick Castle's partner." Kate introduced herself as she stepped into a moderately-sized apartment not far from Castle's loft.<p>

The pretty, petite blond that was holding the door beamed her a brilliant smile that made Kate instantly hate her. She had one of those 'Barbie Doll' faces that looked plastic and far too perfect and the empty, blank look in her eyes had Kate wondering what she and Castle could possibly have in common.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you, Detective Beckett. Rick talks about you often," she smiled even harder and Kate fought off a wave of nausea.

"Have you seen Rick today?" Kate asked, jumping straight to the point. She didn't really want to spend anymore time than necessary with this woman.

Morgan Daniels shut her apartment door and ushered Kate inside and onto a seat in the living room. "I saw him at lunch today. Why is something wrong?" She took the chair next to the couch and perched on it's edge.

"Alexis has been trying to reach him and he isn't answering his phone. We thought you might know where he was going when he left you."

Morgan thought about it for a moment before replying. "He didn't say anything. I don't know where he was going. Should I be worried?"

_Only if you had something to do with the reason he's not answering his phone,_ Kate thought to herself._ If you did have something to do with it, you shouldn't be worried, you should be terrified. _Out loud, she just smiled and said, "I doubt it. He probably just turned his phone off and forgot to turn it back on. I'm sure he'll turn up."

She watched the other woman carefully as she spoke, looking for any sign that there was something going on with her. To Kate's disappointment, she saw nothing.

"If I see him, I'll be sure to tell him to get in touch with his daughter," she promised.

Kate bristled at the distance in the woman's voice when she said 'his daughter'. "Alexis, her name is Alexis," she said quickly.

"Yes, I know her name," 'Barbie' smiled at her again. "I'll make sure he calls Alexis."

Kate got to her feet and started for the door. On her way, she covertly reached in her pocket and pushed Castle's speed dial number on her phone. Then she paused to listen. If Morgan had anything to do with Rick's disappearance, she might have his cellphone with her.

But again, she was a little disappointed when she heard nothing from the phone.

Kate's footsteps resounded on the sidewalk only moments after she made her escape from Morgan's apartment. Quickly hailing a cab, Kate jumped in and directed the driver to take her to the Old Haunt. Maybe Castle was there.

* * *

><p>He woke slowly, battling the hazy fog that had taken over his brain. His head was killing him and his chest felt like an elephant had stomped on him. He tried to sit up, was overcome by a wave of dizzy and had to try again. He made it on the third attempt and he blinked his eyes opened rapidly as he assessed his surroundings.<p>

He was still in the warehouse where there was nothing to see. It was much dimmer now, telling him that he had lost a substantial amount of time while the Earth continued to move without his knowledge.

Jeremy Bentner was standing a few feet away from him, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"You shot me!" Castle exclaimed, scrambling to his feet despite the nausea the movement caused.

Bentner shrugged. "I needed to be sure you weren't wearing a wire."

"So you shot me?" he repeated.

"I saw the vest under your shirt. I wasn't trying to kill you."

"Why am I here?" Rick asked, taking a step towards the man.

"You're here because you're the only person that might make a difference here." Jeremy told him.

"A difference in what?"

"Kate Beckett's future."

Rick narrowed his eyes and stepped closer still. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, dangerously.

"I want her to stay alive. I believe you want the same thing. Trouble is there are people out there that have a different opinion."

"Who?"

"I'm not at liberty to say, at the moment. But I can tell you that if she continues to poke around where she isn't invited, it will get ugly."

Rick hesitated. "You mean her mother's murder?"

"Some very influential people would rather her turn her efforts in another direction." Bentner said cryptically. "I think that's a good idea. Perhaps you could convince her of that as well."

Rick couldn't help but chuckle. "Obviously, you've never met Kate."

"I think you can pull it off if you're motivated enough."

The smile immediately dropped from Rick's face. "That sounds like a threat."

"It isn't a threat." Bentner held up his hands defensively. "At least not one aimed at you. But I do know a certain little red head that you're quite fond of."

Rick was lunging at him before he finished the sentence. "Leave Alexis out of this. It has nothing to do with her." He warned.

Jeremy stepped back out of Castle's reach and leveled him with an evil glint in his eye and a gun in his hand. "I will leave her out of this if you can convince the pretty detective to let sleeping dogs lie."

"I'll talk to her, but I can't promise anything. Once Kate gets set on something there's no backing her down." Rick told him.

"I'm sure you'll think of something, now that you are so highly motivated. And I'd rather Detective Beckett not know about this conversation for obvious reasons. So let's just keep this between us, for the sake of both of their lovely necks."

Then he turned and left the warehouse.

* * *

><p>"Where the hell have you been?" Kate demanded the minute she opened the door and he stepped inside her apartment.<p>

"I got caught up with some business. I'm sorry I'm late," he told her.

"Call your daughter." She told him, impatiently.

He huffed. "I saw her when I went home to change. I'm sorry I made you both worry. Everything is fine. Are you going to stay mad at me all night or can we please just go out?"

"I'm sure they gave our reservations away. We're almost an hour late," She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

"Then we'll go somewhere else." He took a step towards her and gave her a seductive smile that made her twitch nervously. "You look beautiful, by the way. I can't believe you went through all this trouble just for me."

She could help but smile back. "I didn't go through any trouble. I roll out of bed in the morning looking like this."

"I can believe that. I can't imagine there is ever a moment in time when you aren't completely stunning." He told her smoothly.

The flattery worked up to a point. It served to get them out of her apartment and in a cab. It wasn't until she was settled in the backseat beside him that she started in again.

"So where were you? You never said."

He smiled and nodded. He'd been expecting her to get back around to this at some point. "No, I didn't."

"So maybe you can tell me now," she suggested expectantly. She wasn't used to him keeping secrets. This might be harder for him to pull off than he anticipated.

"It was nothing. It's done. Can we get back to talking about you and this dress?" he countered, not expecting it to work, so he wasn't surprised when it didn't.

"Is there something you aren't tell me? Something I should know?"

"Of course not," he waved her off. "Why would I keep something from you?"

"I don't know but you're acting weird." He raised his eyebrows as if to say 'who me?' and she quickly amended her statement. "weirder than usual."

"Are you saying I'm normally weird?"

"Yes, but normally its just an 'off the wall' weird. Now, it's an 'I've got a secret' weird."

He smirked. "You know the really weird thing is I understood what you just said."

She chuckled and he joined her.

"Trust me, there is nothing going on. Everything is fine," he assured her again.

"Good, because I don't want anything hanging over my head day after tomorrow when I go back to work. I want to use all my energy to find the person that shot me."

He shifted, moving a little closer to her. "About that, Kate? Are you sure you want to open all that back up as soon as you get back to work? Maybe you could give it a little while. Ease back into all this."

She sat back and looked at him liked grown a second head. "Of course I want to open all this back up. How can you ask me that? Did you think I would just forget that there is someone out there trying to kill me?"

"That's not what I said. I want to find the person that shot you as bad as you do. All I'm saying is maybe we could table it for the time being," he tried to explain.

"You want me to ignore it? Forget it happened? There seems to be a lot of that going around lately. What else do you want me to forget happened?" she fumed, too angry to stop the words leaving her mouth.

He froze on the spot. "What does that mean?"

She bit her bottom lip hard enough to taste blood. She'd known all along it wasn't a dream. She tried to convince herself it was, but deep down, she knew better. And now he knew she remembered.

"I remember everything about getting shot. I remember hearing the gunshot. I remember the pain in my chest. I remember hitting the ground and mostly I remember you there with me." She swallowed hard and made a conscious effort to meet his eyes. "I remember what you said."

She watched him struggling for a moment, caught off guard by his lack of words. He always had words on his side. Now they seemed to be escaping him. Something over his shoulder caught her eye and she realized it had started raining. Streaks of water ran down the window behind him and the rhymic swishing of the windshield wipers suddenly filled the cramped, silent space.

"Kate, I..." his voice trailed off getting lost in the silence again. She watched him take a deep breath and lick his lips. She wished she could be inside his head at that moment. She desperately wished she knew what he was thinking. It would make all this so much easier. "I don't know what to say," he admitted finally.

It was all the answer she needed. If he'd meant what he said, why was he struggling so hard now just because she knew? Why wasn't he taking her in his arms and telling her he loved her again? No, it had been a desperate cry from a man that thought he was losing his best friend, nothing more than that.

Or maybe he had meant it at the time. But apparently it was too late now. He didn't feel the same now. Maybe it was because of Morgan or maybe Kate had simply pushed him away enough times that it finally stuck. Whatever the reason, things were different now and she wished she'd never told him the truth.

"You don't have to say anything. I understand," she tried to shrug, make him see that it was no big deal even as the words ripped hunks straight out of her chest.

He turned on her, eyes suddenly alight and face fully animated, as if all this had only just caught up to him. "What do you think you understand?" he asked, moving a little closer to her.

She shrank back into her seat, not exactly scared of him, but definitely uneasy about the change in his demeanor. "I understand that you said what you said because you thought I was dying. I won't hold it against you. We can just pretend it didn't happen," she suggested.

He ran his hand through his hair and it looked as if there was a war raging within him. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, gruff and hesitant. "What if I don't want to pretend it didn't happen?"

Her eyes widened in surprise and she leaned forward a little, bring him even further into her personal space. "I mean," he swallowed again and inched even nearer. Now they were merely centimeters apart. She could feel his breath on her cheek as he spoke. "I meant it then and nothing has changed. I love you, Kate."

She wished she could stop time, freeze it right in that moment and live there for the rest of her days. She hadn't known exactly what hearing it would mean to her until she actually did. Now her world was spinning and she couldn't make it stop.

"Is that what you want?" He licked his lips nervously. "Do you want to pretend it never happened?"

"You would do that for me? Just pretend like you don't feel like you do?" she asked, dumbfounded.

He shrugged but his smile was tight and uneasy. "I would do anything for you, Kate. Anything. You know that."

She sat back in her seat and looked at him carefully. The next moments of her life were crucial ones. He was making her an offer. Telling her that if she wasn't ready, he was okay with that. But she knew that wasn't an option. He'd acknowledged this thing between them now in a most spectacular way and there could be no going back.

Taking a deep breath and licking her dry lips, she lunged for him, burying her hand in his silky, brown hair and dragging his lips to hers in a searing a kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

She'd always wondered what this would be like. It was something she'd fantasized about since she was in college. The feel of his skin under her fingers was better than she ever imagined it would be. His lips caressing her flesh caused shudders to run the entire length of her body. It was so just so much better than she'd ever expected.

Every pothole they encountered as they moved through the crowded New York streets only served to draw them closer to together. She wished she had the willpower to pull just far enough away to see the driver's face. _He must be getting an eyeful_, she thought musingly.

Her hand was twisted in the ivory colored, cashmere scarf that Castle was wearing around his neck. She tugged on it hard enough to finally get his attention and his eyes found hers in the darkness of the backseat of the cab.

She cut her eyes towards the driver before giving him a warning look.

Castle, his hair mussed from her running her hands through it, his clothing wrinkled and misplaced from her tugging at it, his cheeks red and his lips puffy and well-kissed, gave her a smile that she felt down to her toes. "I'm suddenly not very hungry. How about we turn around and go back to your place?" he suggested with a quirked eyebrow and a lustful gaze.

"Your place is closer," she answered with a quick glance out the window to orient herself.

"Mother and Alexis are there," He leaned in close and nipped at her bottom lip. She let him for a moment before pushing him away again. "I'd rather go some place where I can have you all to myself. I'm not in the mood to share tonight."

"Driver, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I've forgotten something. Can you turn around and go back?" Kate called out from around Rick's shoulder as he was closing in on her again. She warned him with her eyes once again. "Behave. We're in public," she chided him.

"We are in the back of a cab in the middle of the night. No one can see us except our friend up there and he doesn't appear to care what's happening back here," he countered coming closer still.

He was almost on her now. She could feel his breath on her face. Another inch and she'd be tasting him again.

A rush of blood filled her cheeks causing them to grow hot and redden. She didn't do things like this. At least, she hadn't a very long time. She didn't make out with people in the back of cabs. She was a grown up and grown ups had more self-restraint than that.

But something about Castle always made her feel like a teenager again. He had a way of inspiring the bad girl in her. He could make her do things that no one else in the world could talk her into. He brought out something in her that she'd forgotten existed. He helped her see how to have fun again, to live again. She'd lived inside her shell of grown up maturity for so long, the art of simply having fun felt foreign to her.

She wet her suddenly dry lips as he stared down at her passionately. His eyes were locked to those lips and the look on his face said he was determined to feel them again, right then.

"Rick," she tried to scold him. The word came out more like a groan when his hand found her thigh.

"That is no way to make me stop," he informed her before capturing her lips again.

That was exactly the point where the cab, the driver, her surroundings, the people on the sidewalk outside the window, the other cars rushing past them, everything lost all meaning for her. Nothing existed beyond him and what he was doing to her with his lips against her throat, his teeth grazing over her collarbone, his hand working its way under the hem of her dress.

The movement of his hand was her focus now. It was raising higher and higher on her leg. His thumb brushed the sensitive skin of her inner thigh through her hose and she felt his breath catch when he found the top of her garter. In the next moment it was her gasping as he continued on higher still and touched her bare skin for the first time.

His lips broke away and he leaned his forehead against hers and he drew in several ragged breaths. "You are going to be the death of me," he said huskily.

"Oh, no," Her smile was wicked and smug. "You aren't allow to die on me yet. I'm just getting started."

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled back roguishly. Then his face turned serious suddenly. "Are you sure about this, Kate? We can slow this down if you want. I don't want you to feel like I'm pushing you into something you aren't ready for."

She tightened her hold on his collar and used it to pull his lips back to hers for a moment. He was panting again by the time she let him go. "I just hope that you can keep up, old man," she whispered against the column of his throat before quickly moving away from him and darting out the passenger door.

Just as she suspected, he'd been so lost in her, he hadn't noticed the cab had stopped. He was still trying to puzzle through what had happened when she got the door of her building.

There had never been a doubt in her mind that he would chase her so when a pair of arms pulled her into a solid chest while she stood waiting for the elevators doors to open, she leaned into the warmth of his body and let his breath skate down the back of her neck.

"It's red," she whispered teasingly without looking back at him.

"What's red?" he asked, tightening his hold around her waist.

"The lingerie I'm wearing under this dress," she smirked.

He took a step into her, bringing the length of his body into full contact with the length of hers. "I can't even tell you how much fun I'm going to have peeling it off of you."

They moved together, perfectly in sync when the doors finally opened.

"Have you I told you yet how much I hate this elevator?" Rick asked between quick kisses to the back of her neck. "It has to be the slowest one in the city."

"Patience is a virtue," she said, all the while reaching behind her to pull him closer.

His mouth found her earlobe and she groaned out loud when he flicked it with his tongue. "It isn't one of mine."

He proved that by having her nearly undressed by the time they reached her door. His hands moved rapidly now, pawing at her urgently and she returned the sentiment with vigor.

There would be time to linger later. This time, right now, she just wanted him, all of him.

His coat was on the floor at their feet before the door finished closing. She worked frantically at the buttons of his shirt while he tugged at the zipper on her dress.

They were both growing increasingly frustrated with their tasks. Kate's solutions was to grab hold of either side of his shirt and pull, ripping buttons off as she went. Thankfully, he was far more rational. Instead of tearing at her dress, he stepped around behind her so he could better see the problem. It was the eye-hook at the top of the zipper that had stumped him. After dealing with that, he slowly slid the zipper down, letting his knuckles blaze a trail now the center of her back as he went.

When it was finally undone, she hastily pulled her arms from the sleeves and let the garment fall to the floor. Then she turned to face him.

His eyes were blazing sapphire orbs as he leisurely perused her red lace clad body. Then suddenly he dropped to his knees at her feet. She thought he was playing around, pretending like the sight of her was making his knees too weak to keep him upright. She realized she was wrong, when he took her foot in his hand and gently removed her shoe. He slid both his hands up her right thigh, stopping at the top of her black stocking. After deftly unfastening it from the garters, he placed her foot against his chest and began to roll the stocking down her thigh. Once it was off, he gave the stocking a toss and began to work on the other leg. When were finally gone, he sat forward on his knees and pulled her to him at the same time.

Before she could brace herself for it, his tongue was running up the inside of her thigh and her entire body was shuddering violently as a result. If he hadn't been holding her so tightly to him, she was certain she would have fallen.

The throng that matched the bustier she was still wearing was no match for him. It was gone before she knew it was happening. After it was gone, he pulled her in again and she nearly toppled over him when his lips brushed across her center. She had to brace herself quickly with one hand on his shoulder while her other buried itself in his hair when her knees threatened to buckle.

"Rick," she gasped as she clutched at him.

That's was the moment his cellphone began ringing. He completely ignored it, going on as if he hadn't even heard it. Kate, however, was a cop and ringing cellphones weren't something cops could ignore, no matter what was happening to distract them.

She gave his shoulder a little shove and tried to pull away but he just strengthen his hold.

"You're phone," she moaned, but by this time, it was all pointless as the irritating device had stopped ringing.

He let her go and stood back up, sliding up her body as he went. "It can't be as important as what I'm in the middle of right now. "It" a kiss against her jaw, "can" another to her throat, "wait."

The phone started ringing again as if challenging his words.

"Just answer it. Obviously, it's important enough that they called right back," she said, stepping back from him and drawing in a deep breath.

It looked like he was about to argue but another shrilling whistle from the phone changed his mind and he plunged his hand in his pocket to retrieve it. "Castle," he spat without bothering to check to number.

He paused while he listened for a moment then he glanced over at Kate. "I'm fine. I just forgot to turn my phone on and everyone panicked."

Kate felt the blush rising in her cheeks when she realized who he was talking to. It had to Morgan. The guilty look on his face said it all. She moved to the couch, snatched up the afghan from the back of it and wrapped it around her nearly naked body.

What were they thinking? There were other people to consider in all this. They weren't alone. She'd let herself get carried away without thinking about she was doing and it was all his fault. She didn't get carried away.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she completely missed the last of his conversation. It didn't matter. It wasn't any of her business.

Somehow she'd become the one thing she'd never wanted to be, the other woman.

"Kate, are you okay?" he asked, coming to sit beside her, a little closer than she wanted him to be in that moment, which was funny because two minutes earlier she couldn't seem to get him close enough.

"I'm fine, but I think maybe we need to take a breath," she said, quietly.

"I know," he nodded. "I have to talk to her. I'm going over there now. Will you be here when I get back?"

He looked so beautiful right then, uncertain and vulnerable, like his entire fate rested on her next words. "Of course I'll be here," she smiled. "I just can't do this until you do that."

"I understand. Neither can I." he smiled back at her. "I won't be long."

"Take as much time as you need. I'll be right here, always." She told him as she smoothed the hair from his face and tried to tame it with her fingertips.

He leaned his face into her hand and brushed her palm with his lips. "I love you," he whispered, glancing towards her with heavily lidded eyes.

She hesitated, knowing what he was hoping to hear, but not sure she could make the words come out. She'd said them many times before, but she wasn't sure she'd meant them before now. It wasn't her fault, she hadn't know this was what it was supposed to feel like. After wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue, she swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "I love you, too, Rick."

So many things passed through his face once the words reached his brain that she had no hope of reading him like she normally could. There was just too much going on at once.

He grabbed her into his arms and kissed her. "I've waited so long to hear you say that. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Yes, I do. I've been waiting for you, too. I just didn't know it until now," she answered.

A cold emptiness took over the apartment after he left. She couldn't explain how he managed to bring the place to life just with his presence, but he did. She glanced at the clock on the wall beside the television and groaned. He'd only been gone a few minutes. It felt like eternity.

She snatched the remote off the coffee table and flipped the television on. If she was going to get through the next few hours, she'd need something to distract her.


	8. Chapter 8

She had long since fallen asleep by the time he returned with a quiet knock on her door, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to disturb her. When she opened it for him, he stepped inside hesitantly.

He didn't greet her with his usual easy smile, this one was tight, tense and never met his eyes.

"What is it?" she asked, after ushering him inside and over to the couch.

He rolled his eyes and ran his hands over his face before sitting back and taking a deep breath.

"I take it she didn't take the breakup well." Kate surmised, joining him.

"That is an understatement," he admitted, sadly.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled tucking herself into his side and resting her head on his shoulder.

He pulled back and looked down into her face. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one that's sorry. I never should have brought her into all this to begin with. I knew I loved you. I was just hoping I could move on with her. I never imagined I had a chance with you."

"So what happens now?" she asked, shifting away from him when he didn't immediately pull her to him. Maybe she had overstepped her bounds. Maybe he was having doubts about all this since having to endure what was obviously an ugly scene because of her. She couldn't help but wonder if he felt like it was her fault. After all, he wouldn't have had to break up with Morgan if it wasn't for her.

Still, pulling away was a struggle. She was suddenly afraid she'd awoken some kind of monster inside her. Now that she'd felt his warmth, she carved it. Even sitting next to him with his thigh against hers and his shoulder brushing her own, it wasn't enough. She wasn't close enough to him. She wanted, needed more.

He moved further away still and turned his body to face her. "Now we talk," he announced without preamble.

Oh, God, did he just say that? Was this over before it even began? How was that possible? He'd seemed so sure about all this before he left. What could that little trollop have said to him to make him say something like that?

"Talk?" she said, quietly, questioningly.

"Yes, I think we should talk about what's going on here," he replied.

She moved to her own side of the couch and drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Okay, we talk."

He looked over at her, took in her pose and chuckled. "I'm not going to bite you. I just want to talk about this before we go any further. I need to know we're on the same page."

"On the same page?" she asked, pulling even further into herself.

He moved to her and put his hand on her knee. "I need you to know what this means to me. This is big, Kate. It's huge for us."

She nodded. He was right, of course. This was huge for them. It wasn't something they should take casually. Talking about it was the right thing to do. She just wasn't entirely sure she could. It had never been something she was any good at.

When she didn't relax still, he smiled gently. "You need to understand that if this goes where it was obviously going earlier, there isn't going to be any turning back. No telling me tomorrow that it was a mistake and trying to 'just be friends' again."

She raised a shaky hand and placed it over his where it was still resting on her knee and forced a smile. "I know and I have no intention of telling you it was a mistake. I don't want to just be friends with you any more. I'm ready for more."

"Are you?" he ventured moving a little closer still. "Are you sure you're ready for more?"

Again, instead of readily answering, she nodded, sending a waterfall of brown curls around her shoulders. He moved his hand from her knee and brought it to her hair, running his fingers through it languidly for a moment. "I wish I didn't scare you so much," he told her whimsically. "I wish I knew what to say to take that look from your face. I don't like it. It's so not you."

"Just keep telling me you love me, I'm sure the look will disappear eventually"

"Maybe it would be easier to ignore if I knew what it was about. What is it about this that scares you so much? Why are you so afraid of us?" he asked.

Taking a deep breath, she readjusted her position once again, this time curling herself back into his side. He accepted her there, wrapping his arm around her and letting her rest her head in the crock of his shoulder. Maybe this would be easier if he wasn't staring at her so intently. The look on his face as he watched made her feel like he was searching for a sign that she might break at any second.

"I guess, maybe it's because I'm scared of losing you," she admitted at last.

"Not going to happen," he answered so quickly it was like he was waiting for her to say the words so he could rebut them. Actually, knowing him and how well he knew her, he probably was.

"You just said if this doesn't work out we can't go back to being just friends again." she reminded him.

"No, I said tomorrow you can't claim this was a mistake without even trying. But you will never lose me, Kate. Whatever happens between us, I will always be here."

"Like you're with Meredith and Gina?" she couldn't help but ask.

He pulled her off her chest and took her shoulders in his hands while finding her eyes with his. "I've thought a lot about this. Do you know why I was such a terrible husband?"

"No, tell me why." she said, trying to divert her gaze from his. The intensity of the way he was looking at her caused her heart to thump in her chest.

"Because I wasn't supposed to be with them. I am supposed to be here. I'm yours, Kate. I've always been yours," he said with a simplicity and honesty that took her breath away.

"I'm yours, too, Rick. I've always been yours, too," she answered after swallowing the lump in her throat.

He kissed her then, pulling her into him at the same time. His arms fell from her shoulders and engulfed her.

God, she was so hot. She couldn't ever remember being so hot. She was burning from the inside out. Something in her soul was on fire and she had no idea how to put it out. She wasn't even sure she wanted to put it out. While the fire burned inside her, it also felt so right. It felt as if she'd been searching for the fire her whole life and now she reveled in feeling it burn.

A sheen of sweat had broken out over her forehead and mixed with the chill in the air, it made her feel clammy and conflicted. Inside she burned, outside she shivered. She was having trouble reconciling the two sensations.

Then he moved, sliding over her chest and resting his body over hers. He covered her like a blanket, chasing away the chill and all the remaining doubts in her head at the same time.

Her whole life she'd been running down the sensations he was causing within her. She'd known it could be like this. She'd always known, somewhere deep inside her, that this existed. She'd just never experienced anything close to this before.

She'd had spectacular sex before. But this was more, different, better. It wasn't just spectacular, it was life altering.

Clutching his shoulders, she drew him back down to her lips. She wasn't sure why he'd stopped kissing her and really she didn't care as long as he started again. Something in the set of his shoulders, the entire demeanor of his body, which she could now feel every inch of as it rested over hers, said he was making an attempt to pull back, to retreat.

Kate was done talking. They'd said everything that needed to be said for the time being. So she tightened her arms around him and refused to let him go. It took very little persuasion to get him on her side and soon enough he stopped pulling back and pulled her closer instead.

She wrapped her leg around his waist, holding him there in case he tried to escape again. She quickly realized, when his hand came up to clutch at her thigh and his tongue skirted across the roof of her mouth, that she needn't worry. He was too far gone to stop now.

He loosened her robe and ran his hand up the center of her lace, clad chest. She still wore the bustier she'd had on earlier. She'd just thrown the robe on over it while he was gone.

He groaned into her as his palm found her breast and encircled it completely. He had such large hands, strong, powerful hands that moved with the confidence and expertize of a master. Two years ago that thought would have stopped this in its tracks. It was something she worried about when her feelings for him first started to surface. But she knew, he'd shown her so many times that he no longer played the field like he'd once had. She'd changed that about him. It was blatantly obvious now, his long suffering attraction to her and she felt a little guilty for putting him through so much, especially since his only real crime towards her was falling in love. She couldn't fault him for that, she'd done it, too.

His hands slid around her and she gasped when he raised her from the couch and settled her over his lap. A flash later and her robe was on the floor behind them and his fingers were working at the lacing for her last remaining piece of clothing.

"In the back," she mumbled hurriedly against the side of his throat before racking her tongue over his jaw.

"What?" he panted, still playing with the ties on her bodice.

The only reason he allowed her to put any distance at all between them was because she put her hands on his shoulders and pushed until he backed off. Still it was a struggle to talk him into it.

When she was finally back far enough, she took his hands in hers and guided them around behind her to the correct closures to her garment. She took advantage of the distance by unbuttoning his shirt and sliding it from his shoulders.

She eyed him intently, long after she felt her bodice give under his skillful touch. Her eyes raked down the solid, muscular bulk of his chest, taking in every inch of him. She rarely got an opportunity to see him shirtless, now seemed like a good time to just drink him in, especially since it came with the option she was now using. Her hands moved over him, guiding over his slightly clammy skin slowly.

And he let her. He lay perfectly still under her, his only movement the beating of his heart making the pulse in his throat jump and the heaving of his chest as he tried to catch his breath. His hands were at her sides, still holding the lingerie to her body, patiently waiting his turn. That was until her thumb flicked over his nipple. He hissed as he drew in air between his tightly clenched teeth and she immediately looked up to his face. Liking what she saw there, she leaned forward and flicked her tongue over it instead.

His fingers clenched on her sides and his hips bucked upward instinctively. She nearly melted into him when the evidence of his excitement pushed into her inner thigh urgently.

His hands fell away from her body causing the red lace to fall with them and his eyes fell there immediately. She understood the look on his face perfectly. She threw her head back and arched her shoulders, offering herself up to him in much the same why he'd so patiently let her explore him.

This was an apex, of sorts for both of them. Months of fantasies and private imaginings were playing out in the handful of moments they spent enjoying each others bodies. Years of tension and wondering and pushing the line had culminated to this, these precious few moments. Because they both understood that this was special. It was important. No matter how many more times this happened between them, their would only be one first time.

And the moments were playing out perfectly for them, coming one right after the other, yet lasting long enough to be burned into her memory. The first time he kissed her. The first time she felt his hand on her bare skin, the first time he looked at her with naked, undiluted lust in his eyes.

His kisses had grown into into something she couldn't describe. His lips were greedy, hungry, demanding and she gave into him willingly, joyfully.

His arms came around her back, clasping her to his chest and she felt him shift under her.

One hand went immediately to his shoulder to stop him before he could make the move she knew he was going to attempt.

"Don't even think about trying to pick me up, Castle." She warned him.

"I just thought we'd be more comfortable in the bedroom," he explained.

She used his confusion to her advantage and climbed from his lap. Then she held her hand out to him. "I agree. I'm just not going to let you carry me there."

He got to his feet, tugging his shirt out of his waistband and dropping it to the floor. Then his arms came around her and he pulled her back into his chest. "Why, Kate?" he whispered into her ear before giving the lobe a little flick. "Don't you trust me not to drop you?"

Her hands circled the back of his head, burying themselves in his hair and holding him against her ear, while her back arched and she ground her hips into his impressive erection. "I don't trust you not to drop yourself in your current state," she teased.

His hands moved to her breast for a moment, covering them completely in the warmth of his palms. "You still can't let someone less take control even for a minute." He accused her while brushing his lips against her throat.

"I can let you take control, Rick." she argued, weakly.

Then suddenly he had her spinning towards him and his arms came around her waist. She was off her feet and helpless to do anything besides wrap her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and hold on. His eyes found hers and locked into them, burning into her. "Prove it," he challenged as he began to step them towards the bedroom.

She tightened her arms around him without breaking his stare. She held it until he sat her down on the side of the her bed and stepped out of her embrace.

She started to protest as fear spiked in her stomach. Was he leaving? Had he decided that they weren't ready to take this any further? She'd never be able to face him again if he rejected her now. The mortification would be more than she could take.

But he stop before going too far and quickly shed himself of his shoes, kicking them to the far corner of her bedroom, Then his hands moved to the waistband of his pants and her eyes tracked the movement.

He let them pool at his feet and stepped out of them and back into her arms. The soft, silkiness of his blue boxers brushed her thigh as he slid against her and she shivered at the feeling. She remembered him mentioning the unmentionables at a crime scene once so long ago she could barely recall. He'd gone on about how incredibly soft they were and now she knew he wasn't exaggerating. They really were that soft where they laid against her inner thighs.

She was falling apart in his arms, literally crumbling to pieces as his hands clutched at the hips bring her closer to him still. She was completely lost in the feel of his lips grazing her throat, his stumbled-covered jaw brushing across her sensitive skin. Everything except him faded from her consciousness and suddenly she felt as if she were somewhere she'd never been before. It scared her. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff and he was the only thing keeping her from falling over its edge. So she clung to him as if she were clinging for her very survival and maybe that wasn't far from the truth.

She'd been standing on this cliff for a while now, since getting shot, since learning about Montgomery, since Royce's death. Too many blows lately, too much to absorb and it was weighing on her. And through it all, he was there, holding her, encouraging her, talking her down from the ledge. He was always there and according to him, he always would be.

And she was ready to believe him. She wanted to believe him.

His head dipped to her chest and he languidly ran his lips down the center of her chest, tasting her as if she were a delicacy. And she arched her back into his seeking lips as if she were begging for his touch.

She crawled backward, pulling him with her until she was resting in the center of the bed with him kneeling over her.

Her legs circled his waist again and she used them to slid the boxers from his hips. The abruptness of the cold air hitting his suddenly exposed fleshed made him shiver and he smiled down at her in amusement.

"This is exactly how I always pictured this happening." he whispered as he brushed the hair from her face.

"You've pictured us like this before?" she asked, raising her eyebrows in disapproval.

He began laying kisses along her jaw and she could feel the smile still on his lips. "So many, many times."

Her hand came up to run through his hair. "I'm glad we're living up to your expectations."

His eyes meet hers instantly and his face grew grave and earnest, both expressions that she wasn't used to seeing on him. "You never disappointment me, Kate. I love you."

They were both quiet for a long moment, spending the time lost in a moment that would become a treasured memory for both of them for years to come.

She was the first to break. Tugging at his hair just a trifle roughly, she brought his lips back to hers. "Stop telling me about it and show me."

He groaned just as his mouth covered hers and she felt the sound as much as heard it and it caused a tremor to run all the way down to her toes.

He took his time with her, despite her urgings towards the opposite. He refused to let her take the lead, insisting instead on savoring every moment. It felt as if she were possessed or maybe he was, either way something seem to have fallen over them. Something huge that caused everything else to cease to exists.

His hands were like fire as they slid from her waist to her breast. His lips were like molten lava as they moved over hers.

"You're magnificent, Kate." he whispered as he dipped his head to the valley between her breasts and suckled the skin there until she moaned his name.

Her entire body throbbed with wanting him. She cried out at every new sensation he created for her. He was playing her body like a piano and she never felt more alive, more beautiful or more loved.

By the time he moved his body into alignment with hers, she was trembling, so close to the edge she could already feel herself teetering, barely hanging on to her sanity. The moment he slowly sheathed himself inside her, she fell.

When realty returned, he was right there, smiling down at her and rocking into her in a slow, steady pace that was already causing things low in her body to coil and pulse again. His smile was contagious and she felt herself returning it as she held his gaze.

Their hands were entwined where they rested on either side of the pillow by her head.

Neither of them said a word. They didn't need to. Everything was right there, written in their eyes, conveyed in every sound that escaped their lips.

Suddenly, he shifted, gathering her to him and before she knew what was happening, he flipped them, reversing their positions. And the time for gentle and easy was over. He was surging his hips upwards, crashing into her with a force that jarred her teeth and caused her to fall forward and clutch at his shoulders to hold on. His hands gripped her hips, grinding her body down with every upward thrust. It didn't last for long. When his fingers dug into her hips and his body tensed under her, she was ready and she let him pull her right along with him as he tumbled over the edge into the vast abyss of ecstasy.


	9. Chapter 9

The first soft rays of sunlight were just beginning to seep around the edges of the burgundy colored curtains covering the window directly over her bed. Kate Beckett shifted just slightly, afraid if she moved more than that she might wake the bed's other occupant. She watched the dust particles floating in the air and snuggled further into the solid chest resting firmly against her back. The hand around her waist tightened as the body behind her readjusted to a more comfortable position and a sigh of contentment escape his lips causing his warm breath to brush across her sensitive ear.

The sound of thunder rumbled somewhere off in the distance and she noticed for the first time the chill on the air that the rain brought with it. It raised a rash of goosebumps over her skin. Before she had a chance to snag the blankets and pull them tighter around her, the hand at her waist came up and did it for her.

"Morning," Rick whispered in a raspy, sleepy voice.

"Morning," she answered through a shivered caused by him placing a soft kiss to her shoulder.

His hand went back to her waist and he used it to pull her closer. She willingly obliged and tilted her head enough to give him better access to the her neck which he was attempting to nuzzle.

"How did you sleep?" she asked.

"Best night I've had in years," he purred in her ear before bringing the lobe into his mouth and sucking on it gently.

She shivered again and arched her back into him.

The rain was just starting to splatter in large, fat drop against the window and the sound drew her in. "It's raining," she commented unnecessarily.

"Sounds like," he replied, turning her in his arms so he could get to her lips. "You know what that means?"

"What?" she sighed dreamily as she tangled her fingers in the hair at the nap of his neck.

"It's a perfect day to spend in bed," he answered before finding her lips again.

She almost didn't hear the chirping of his phone from the chair where he'd left his pants the night before. It wasn't until he pulled his mouth from her breast and raised his eyes in its direction that she took note.

"I should get that," he sighed.

She nodded in agreement, drop her arms from his shoulder and watched as he padded barefoot over to the chair. Then she rolled to her side away from him to give him some privacy.

It was an unnecessary gesture. A moment later she heard him answer, then he left the room quietly closing the door behind him.

When he didn't return for a time, Kate stretched, got up and found a robe. Slipping into it, she secured it around her waist in a tight knot and headed off to find him.

He was in the kitchen fiddling with her coffee maker and scowling at it in contempt.

"I thought we were spending the day in bed," she commented as she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"We are," he answered not at all stunned by her sudden appearance. He must have heard her coming. She'd have to work harder to sneak up on him. "I just thought coffee might be good."

"Anything wrong?" she asked, pulling back after laying a kiss to his bare shoulder blade. He'd grabbed his pants along with his phone, but hadn't bothered with his shirt.

"No, no, Alexis just wanted to make sure I was alright. After my disappearing act yesterday, she was worried when I didn't come home last night."

"We should have called her. I'm sorry we made her worry."

He turned from the coffeemaker and pulled her into his arms. "All was forgiven when I told her where I was," he smiled down at her.

Kate immediately felt her body tense involuntarily. She quickly tried to hide the reaction, but she wasn't swift enough for him.

"What?" he asked, suddenly concerned. "Should I not have told her? I'm sorry. I just didn't think about it. Alexis and I tell each other everything."

"No, it's fine. I understand. Of course you told her." She waved off his concern.

"I should have talked to you first. I never imagined that you might not want everyone to know about us yet."

"It's fine, really," she repeated.

"You're not sure you want to tell everyone about us?" he said with infliction that made it sound more like a question than a statement.

She pulled out of his arms and moved to the island in the middle of the kitchen. Once she was settled on one of the bar stools, she looked up at him and forced a smile. "I hadn't really thought about having to tell everyone about us."

He stepped back propping himself against the cabinet behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. "Having to tell them? Like it's something unpleasant. You make it sound like a dentist appointment, Kate."

She got to her feet quickly. "I didn't mean it like that. This isn't about you or us, even. You know how I feel about keeping my private life private."

"I wasn't planning on taking out an ad in the New York Times. I just didn't think it would be a big deal for my daughter and our friends to know."

"But if we tell them, everyone will know," she answered, lamely.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little confused. I want to go out to the balcony and shout about us at the top of my lungs. I'm having trouble with the fact that apparently you'd prefer it if I was your dirty little secret," he replied.

"You aren't my dirty little secret, Castle. That isn't what I'm saying."

"What you're saying makes me think you regret what happened last night. That you're ashamed of us."

She went to him and put her arms around his shoulders. "I'm not ashamed of you. And I absolutely don't regret last night. Not a minute of it, but have you thought about my new boss. We know nothing about them. Montgomery might have been fine with us being together and working together. But we don't know the first thing about this new guy."

He scowled at something over his shoulder and sighed before turning his eyes back to hers. "Alright, we'll keep this between us. I'll talk to Alexis. She won't say anything if I ask her not to and neither will I. I promise."

Kate nodded. "I know. I trust both of you and this is just temporary, just until we can feel the new boss out and see what kind of a guy he is."

"And if he isn't the kind of guy that will be okay with us being together?" he asked, quirking his eyebrows.

"We'll deal with that when we have to," she answered. "Now, can we please go back the part where we were spending the day in bed?"

* * *

><p>An unmitigated disaster was what it was. Victoria 'Iron' Gates, not only would not approve of Kate and Castle being together personally, she didn't even like them working together. Kate sat at her desk, back in the twelfth precinct and should have been glad to home. That was the feeling she was expecting after being gone so long. She'd been waiting impatiently for this day for weeks now. But the new boss brought with her not only a dark cloud about the fate of the man she called a partner, but the sorrow she felt for a lost friend.<p>

She didn't realize how badly she was going to miss Roy Montgomery until she had to come here and sit in this chair knowing all the while that he wasn't in the office where he was supposed to be watching over them all like their own personal Guardian Angel.

She looked over to find Ryan and Esposito at their own desks tossing a neon yellow Koosh ball back and forth. They had already had their time to deal with the grief and almost overwhelming feeling of lose. Things looked almost normal in their section of the squad room.

Castle was still in the office with Gates. She didn't know what they were discussing but every once in a while a voice would thunder loud enough to be hard around the closed door. Usually it was a female voice.

She jumped when the door to the office opened unexpectedly and Castle came out without his usual grin plastered to his face. He strode to his chair beside his desk and flopped down into it with an uncharacteristically brooding sigh.

Kate watched interestedly as Gates appeared at her door for a moment, looked around at them, then closed the door a little harder than was necessary.

She gave it a minute before readjusting herself in her chest and quirking her eyebrows up in Castle's direction. "Well?" she prompted when he didn't come forth with anything to say.

"Well, what? She hates me."

"Is she kicking you out?" Kate asked, and suddenly Ryan and Esposito where standing right behind her. One of them had their hand on the back of her chair, though she didn't know which it was.

"Not because she doesn't want to. I had to make a call." He mustered a smile, though it looked forced and didn't reach his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as I have anything to say about it. I'll just lay low for now until she warms up to me. Everyone warms up to me eventually."

"Normally, I'd agree with you, Castle. But that is one tough cookie," Ryan replied and shifted letting her know it was him with his hand on her chair.

"She's not so bad," Kate offered. "I'm sure we'll find a way to make things work with her."

Castle nodded. "No, she's not bad. She's just very by-the-book. So we'll have to be the same. Anyone got a book so I can catch up?"

"You do alright," Kate assured him. "I wouldn't want anyone else watching my back."

He perked up at that, just like she'd hoped he would. "I'm flattered."

"You should be," she replied.

Catching up took most of her day. She and Castle had eaten lunch at her desk while they went over all the new active case files. And he stayed by her side, reading along with her, fetching coffee. The only exception had been the hour that morning she'd spent at the range re-certifying for her weapon and the hour she'd spent at the shrink's passing her psych evaluation.

No one bothered them as they sat there at her desk, heads huddled together, reacquainting themselves with each other as much as with the work at hand. It always took a minute to ease back into a steady ebb and flow of a partnership. Although, truth be told, they had done their own form of ebbing and flowing the night before. But this was work and work was different.

When they finally left for the night, it was separately as if an unspoken agreement had been set between them. This was how it had to be, private life private, professional life separate. She had already considered calling the whole private life thing off. It wouldn't be possible for them to continue working together if Gates knew the extent of their relationship.

They both knew it. Yet Kate couldn't even begin to imagine how to start that conversation much less how to go about having it. It was absurd. They had crossed a line, a line there would never be any coming back from. Things had been shared, said that could never be taken back and truthfully, she didn't want to.

She didn't regret a moment of the night they'd shared together, or the day and night that followed it. Memories had been made, images, cherished snippets of times had been burned into her soul that she would hold on to until the day she died. He had changed her, fundamentally and permanently. He was a part of her now. No, there would never be a way to go back now. That bridge had burned in a glorious two day marathon of passion that left it in ashes.

Even now, as she made her way to her car and got in readying herself for the drive through downtown traffic, all she could think about was whether he would be waiting for her when she got home or whether she would need to go to him, but either way, she'd already decided, they would be together.


	10. Chapter 10

"So it looks like maybe I am going to be your dirty little secret," he said, his voice sounding like velvet coming through her phone and caressing her ear.

She'd barely had time to get home and change into a pair of leggings and one of his t-shirts she'd acquired when her apartment exploded. At the moment she was standing in front of her fridge, door opened, surveying the contents inside. It wasn't a very promising view.

"I'm sorry, Rick. Really I am." She tried to console him.

He chuckled. "It's okay, Kate. I understand. This isn't your fault. It's just the way things have to be for now. Unless..." His voice drifted off as if he was afraid of finishing the sentence, like saying it out loud might make it all come to life.

"Unless you quit." She finished it for him.

"Or you could. I could go on being a pretend cop and you could go do something else. I'm thinking you might have a promising career as an exotic dancer. You certainly have the moves for it."

She couldn't help the laugh and more and more lately she was realizing how often she tried to stifle her laughter instead of just letting it out freely. She was making a concentrated effort not to do that any more. If she felt like laughing, Damn it, she was going to laugh. "Please tell me you are on your way here right now."

He hesitated for a moment. "I wasn't sure you'd want me to come over. We've been together for the last two nights. I thought you might need some space."

She huffed impatiently. "I spent the entire day sitting in a chair reading files and getting yelled at for things I might do at some point in the future by my new boss that I'm pretty sure hates me. What I need is a back rub and some alone time with you."

"Oh well then, open your front door."

"You're an ass." She told him before snapping off the phone and tossing it to a table as she went by on her way to the door.

He was leaning against the jamb, one hand in the pocket of his worn blue jeans, the other holding a pizza box with a pastry box on top of it, with a smile on his face. "Name calling? Really, don't you think that's a little beneath you?"

"Don't you think teasing is a little beneath you?" she asked, as he came inside and she shut the door behind him. Then she slid the two locks into place with a loud click that resounded in the otherwise quiet of her apartment.

"Am I a prisoner now?" he teased as he set his boxes down on the kitchen bar.

She came to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him soundly. "Don't make me get my handcuffs."

He rolled his eyes and tightened his arms where they were resting at her waist. "I have dreamed of you saying that so many times you just have no idea."

"So what's in the boxes?" she asked, eying them over her shoulder and listening as her stomach gave a loud yawn of approval for whatever it was.

"Pizza, of course and pastries for breakfast tomorrow."

"We are awfully confident in ourselves, aren't we? Who said you were invited for breakfast?" She chuckled, already working at the buttons of his shirt.

He gave her a wounded look and put his hand over his heart in mocking. "You mean you invited me over here so you could have your wicked way with me then toss me aside and not even let me stay for breakfast. I feel so used."

She smirked. "If it makes you feel better I can drop a twenty on the night stand for you." She pinched his ass for effect as she stepped out of his arms and went for the pizza box.

"Now I feel cheap, too." He laughed and she joined him, steadfastly sticking by her plan to enjoy herself more often.

He came over to the bar that separated the living room from the kitchen and leaned his forearms against it, propping himself there as he watched her go about getting their dinner ready. "You know I was half expecting you to try to end this whole thing tonight. I even had a speech prepared about how I wasn't going to let you do it."

She stopped in mid motion, halfway between taking a slice from the box and putting it on a plate and turned her full attention to him instead. "You thought I was going to call this whole thing off?"

He nodded. "I was afraid you would."

She put the pizza on the plate and slid it over to him while she thought about what he said. "You really think after everything that we've said and done over the last few days, I'd just throw it all away because it got complicated?"

He maintained his position, not even bothering to spare the plate a glance. "I wasn't sure...," he began then took a deep breath before continuing, like he knew she wasn't going to like what he said next. He was bracing himself for her reaction and she didn't like that she'd made him feel like he needed to. "I wasn't sure that you would think this was worth risk of getting caught."

"You weren't sure you meant enough to me to risk it? Is that what you're saying?" she asked, dumbfounded that he'd even thought something like that.

He righted himself, coming back to his full height and moving to lean against the counter behind him instead. "I want to believe that you're in the same place I am with all this."

She took a long moment to observe him, watching for an escape of some kind of emotion, but he was all poker face now, revealing nothing. "I told you that I am," she said, her voice quiet, shaky. She'd thought they were past all this now. Apparently, they weren't as far past it as she imagined if he still had doubts about her feelings for him.

He nodded. "I know and I believed you."

"What? At the time?" she asked, pizza completely forgotten now. She crossed her arms over her chest and try to bite back the anger that was sudden welling up inside her. Did he really think she said things like she'd said to him casually? Surely he knew her well enough to know if she said she loved him, she meant it.

"That's not what I meant, Kate and you know it." He told her. "I didn't bring this up to fight with you."

"Then why did you? I mean, clearly I had no intention of breaking this off, so why say anything at all? Is this your way of letting me know that you don't trust me?"

He came away from the counter and took a step towards her, finally there was emotion. And the only name she could think to put to it was horror. "I'm not trying to tell you that I don't trust you. That isn't it at all. Honestly, I'm not sure why I even brought it up. You're right. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that we're together and we aren't going to let anything get in the way of that."

All the anger seem to seep out of her all at once. That was it. This wasn't about not trusting her. It was about reassurances. Because while his words were strong and determined, the look on his face now was anything but. He needed her to confirm for him that she wasn't going to let anything stand in their way either.

She dropped her arms and took the two steps that separated them. "Rick," she said, lacing her arms around his shoulders and dropping her voice to barely more than a whisper. "I'm in this just as deeply as you are. I won't let anything, including myself, get in the way of this. I promise."

She saw the relief flooding his face in the moment before his lips were covering hers.

"How could you even think I was going to end this?" she asked, when she pulled her mouth from his. "I told you I loved you."

He looked away for a moment then found her eyes again. "I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you. Maybe I'm still having trouble believing all this is real."

"Oh, it's real," she smiled. "And I intend to spend the rest of the night showing you just how real it all is."

Hours later, they lay together in a heap of useless arms and legs, sweat still covering their bodies and their hearts still pounding wildly, he propped himself up against the headboard and pulled her into him. She snuggled down into him, resting her back on his chest and her head against his shoulder.

"Tell me something about you that no one else knows," he said, out of nowhere.

"I love you," she answered without hesitating.

"Don't be silly," he chortled. "Everyone that knows us knows that."

She stiffened. "Do you really think we're that transparent? That everyone knows what's going on?"

He brushed a strand of hair from her shoulder lazily and ignored her burst of tension. "I think everyone knows how we feel about each other, yes. I don't believe that anyone knows that we've even admitted it to ourselves, much less to each other."

"Maybe we should be more careful. What if one of them suspects something? Ryan and Espo aren't stupid. They're homicide detectives, for God's sake," she said, turning just enough to see his face. Nothing changed there. It was still set with a casual smile that said he wasn't a bit worried about her concerns.

"Even if Ryan and Espo walked in here right now, there is no way either of them would say a word to anyone. I know that. You should, too. They're not just our colleagues. They're our friends. Besides, if we start acting differently now, they really will know something has happened. It's better we just go about our lives, exactly like we always have."

"You seem pretty good at all this sneaking around and undercover stuff," she commented. "Is this something you've had experience with in the past?"

He chuckled at that. "Are you asking me if I've ever had an affair?"

"Have you?" she asked, turning again to see his face.

"No, never. I never cheated on either of my wives, nor on any of my girlfriends and I never had sex with someone I knew was married. I may have played a little fast and lose, but I have rules."

She settled her head back to his chest and pulled his arm, which was now nonchalantly tossed over her waist, tighter around her. "So that's what this is?" she asked, lacing her fingers through his. "An affair?"

He laughed again and laid a kiss to the top of her head. "Yes, but it's one to remember."

She laughed, too. "You did NOT just say that."

"How could I not? It was right there."

He moved, readjusting his leg and bringing it in to wrap around her, resting it over her calf. It was a move that made her feel as if he were hugging her from behind. Normally, she would have felt boxed in by a move like that. Normally, her nearly overwhelming claustrophobia would have kicked in and she'd have been out of the bed in a flash. But somehow he didn't invoke those fears in her and being held like that by him was alright. Actually it was better than alright, it was wonderful, comforting. Again she had that sudden flash that she'd been searching for this her whole life.

"You never answered me," he said, bringing her out of her own thoughts.

"About what?"

"Tell me something that no one else knows," he repeated as his fingers began to twine through her hair softly.

She thought about that for a minute, trying to come up with something she felt like sharing that wasn't too embarrassing. "My father used to call me 'Kitty Cat'. It was his pet name for me when I was little." She finally told him.

"Kitty cat?" he laughed. "Can I call you 'Kitty Cat'?"

"Only if you aren't still opposed to being shot."

His arm and leg both tightened around her instantly. "Ah, but right now, I have you. You are unarmed and there's way for you to escape, Kitty Cat." he joked.

She turned her head enough to find his eyes with a steely gaze of her own. "Don't for one second think I can't get away from you. Never forget that I can take you, any time, any day."

He leaned forward enough that his lips brushed her ear when he spoke. "Prove it." The words were a whisper and a challenge.

Kate Beckett had never walked away from a dare in her life. It took her only a moment to realize that while he was distracting her with his words, he'd wrapped both his arms around her, effectively pinning her upper arms to her sides. She still had her forearms to work with though and one of her legs.

"I don't want to hurt you." She told him.

"I'm a big boy. I can take it."

Then she made her move, snatching at one of his arms while spinning her upper body. She pinned one of his arms over his head, forcing him to grip the headboard while holding it in place with her own hand. She used his sudden surprise to her advantage and grabbed his other hand locking it in the same position beside the other one. She raised herself enough to pull her knees in and slid them into place on either side of his waist, straddling him and holding him down with her weight.

"You didn't even fight back," she pouted now that she had the superior position and he was helplessly sprawled under her.

"Why would I do that? I have you exactly where I want you now," he answered, raising his head up to capture her lips with his.

She ground her hips downward, slowly rolling them in his lap and causing him to gasp and clench his eyes closed for a moment. She felt his body stir beneath her and couldn't help but smile. "I have to hand it to you, you do have stamina."

"It's all because of you, Kitty-" He stopped abruptly when she narrowed her eyes at him and shifted, trapping the most intimate parts of him between her thigh and his own. She ground her hips again and he hissed as he realized how dangerous his position was. "I mean, Kate."

"That's what I thought you meant," she smiled before leaning in to kiss him.

**Author's Note :** **So many favorite story alerts. Thank you so much for enjoying this with me. I'm promising now more regular updates for those of you who have been there from the beginning of this and were giving up hope. I swear, I'll do better. Now you guys do something for me and let me know what you think. Hit the review. ALerts are nice, but reviews are better. **


	11. Chapter 11

"Richard," The melodious voice of Martha Rodger's carried through the vastness of the spacious penthouse loft and jarred both of its sleeping occupants abruptly awake.

What was she doing home? She wasn't supposed to be back for hours. They were supposed to have plenty of time.

Kate snatched the red sheet, that had been previously pooled at her hip, to her chest and stared in wide-eyed horror at the closed bedroom door. Footsteps in the hall outside said it wouldn't remain so for long.

Rick turned to her with a stricken look on his face as well. But it only lasted a moment before he jumped out of the bed and sprang into action like a Superhero having heard a cry for help. He scoop up his pants from the floor, pants that had merely hours before been thrown there carelessly. He stepped into them as he walked, pausing for the scantest of moments to zip and button them up. Then he was grabbing Kate, sheet and all and ushering her towards the private bathroom in the corner of the room.

Once the door was soundly shut behind her, he breathed.

He made it to the door just as she knocked and instead of opening it fully, he nonchalantly stepped out into the hall with her. His mother was a smart woman, and more perceptive than he cared for her to be at the moment. The rumpled state of the bed alone would raise her suspicions. And there was no way the female clothing draped throughout the space would escape her attention.

"I thought you weren't coming back until this afternoon." He forced a smile and relaxation into his face and returned the one armed hug she offered him.

"I wasn't but then the weather said a tropical storm was heading our direction and we decided it would be best to get out while the getting was good," she explained. Then he nodded back over his shoulder towards his closed bedroom door before glancing down at his shirtless chest. "Are we interrupting something? Should we have called first?" She took a step closer and lowered her voice conspiratorially. "It isn't that new girl in there, is it?"

He made an exasperated face at her and sighed. "The woman's name is Morgan, and no there isn't anyone in there."

She stepped back and surveyed him critically. "Richard, how long have I been your mother?"

"Long enough, why?"

"There are two wine glasses, two plates and two forks on the rack drying, a woman's jacket inside the door and a pair of heels in the den in front of the fire. Unless we really need to talk about something, like the fact that you have an eating disorder and have taken to wearing woman's shoes, you have company," she explained. "Like I was saying, I'm your mother. You can't get anything past me, Buster."

And there it was, a night he'd never forget summed up in a few casual sentences. They'd had dinner. He'd cooked, pasta Primavera. They'd had wine. They'd done the dishes. She'd washed. He'd dried. And then they'd capped the night off by making love in front of the fire. He remembered Kate slipping out of her jacket as soon as she'd entered the apartment and hanging it on the rack right inside the door. His was hidden underneath it. He remembered her sliding her shoes off and running her foot up the inside of his calf while they talked in front of the fire right after finishing the dishes. He remembered pulling her down to the plush rug beside him and thinking he wanted to live the rest of his life spending his evenings in the same way.

He sighed in defeat. "Alright, I have company. Now how about you take Alexis out to breakfast and let me say goodbye to my guest before this turns into a big deal."

She gave him a smile. "If you're worried about Alexis finding out her Daddy had a sleepover, you're a little late. She saw the jacket and the shoes already. But don't worry, she didn't look upset by it. She was smiling like she knew a secret, before going upstairs to unpack. Now I was going to make some coffee and maybe some breakfast. Will your guest be joining us?"

"No, she will not be. But you go do that. I'm going to say hello to my daughter and make sure she isn't scarred for life," he muttered before brushing past her and heading off to find Alexis.

He found her right where her grandmother said she'd be, in her room, quietly humming to herself as she extracted clothes from a suitcase.

He rapped his knuckles on the open door to get her attention before stepping inside. "Welcome home, Sweetheart. I missed you."

She turned to him and smiled. "I was only gone two days."

"Seemed like forever." He enveloped her in a hug.

"Is Kate still here?" she asked as she moved out of his arms and went back to unpacking.

"Yeah, I was hoping you might be able to help me with that. I need to get her out of here without your grandmother knowing. Can you maybe run interference for us?"

She dropped a pink shirt into the white hamper beside her door. "Do you really think that's necessary. It's just Grandmother. She isn't going to say anything to anyone."

He shook his head. "You are the only other person in the world that knows about us and we need to keep it that way. Call it plausible deniability."

She chuckled at that and gave him a push. Then she followed him to the door and stepped out to the upstairs landing. "Grandmother," she called as he made his way down the stairs. "Can you help me with something?"

Martha passed him in the hall as she went to see to her granddaughter.

"You can come out now. Mother is upstairs with Alexis. We have a minute to get you out of here." He called when he stepped into his bedroom.

Kate was sitting on the side of the bed, fully clothed and freshly showered, running a comb through her still wet hair. "I'm not leaving yet," she announced as she looked up at him.

He hesitated before taking a step towards her. "Okay, but I'm not sure I can distract her later."

"You don't have to distract her. She's your mother, Rick. I think we can trust her."

He laughed. "Have you met my mother? She'll crack at the first sign of pressure."

She laughed, too. "No she won't. So unless you don't want her to know about us, I think I'll go get some coffee while you get a shower," she said getting to her feet.

He came to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Are you sure this is okay?"

"I don't want to hide this, not here and I don't want you to have to lie to the people you love." She told him, sincerely. "Besides, we might be able to fool everyone else. But your mother will find out about us. Better to just not make a big deal out of it. You know as well as I do that if she thinks you're hiding something she'll never let it go."

"It's like you've known her all your life," he smiled. Then he let her go and went off to do as she suggested.

Kate actually had to take a deep breath and square her shoulders before opening the bedroom door and stepping out into the hall. She hadn't been nervous before. But the second the bathroom closed and she was alone with her plan, the tension found her shoulders and she was so on edge her hands were nearly shaking. She wasn't sure what she was expecting from the other two women in Rick's life. They'd always made her feel like part of their family, so she wasn't concerned that they might disapprove of her being there. She didn't know why she was so scared, but she was and whether she could explain it or not, it was there and she had to deal with it.  
>She did that like she always dealt with fear. She battened herself down and plowed forward despite it. A lot of words could be used to describe Kate Beckett, but cowardly had never been one of them. Fear had never been a factor for her.<p>

That was a lie. She knew it even as the thoughts formed in her head. Professionally, she might not have ever been a coward but, personally was a different matter, all together. Why else had it taken her so long to accept that her feelings for Rick? Why else had it taken so long for all this to come about? It certainly hadn't been his fault. He was the brave one in the feelings department. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was a balance for them. More often than not, gunfights and showdowns brought out his inner Scooby Doo. So maybe it was okay that emotional upheaval and dealing with her _feelings_ brought out hers. She'd fight the battles with out and he could take care of the ones with in. It made perfect sense to her.

These were the thoughts running their course through her head when a noise at the archway separating the kitchen from the rest of her house brought her out of her musings.

"Kate," Martha smiled at her warmly, barely managing to hid her surprise. "I wasn't expecting..." Then she let her voice trail off and went about making herself a cup of the steaming coffee Kate had set to brewing. "How is everything? It's been a while since we've seen you."

"Everything is great," Kate answered taking her own cup and going to the bar to one of the stools there.

"Are you settling back into work okay? I know it must be an adjustment. Richard tells us your new boss is something of a-" she paused to search for the right word.

"Bitch?" Kate offered and suddenly Martha's perfectly made up face broke out in a wide smile and she laughed out loud relieving the tension she'd been holding in her shoulders at finding Kate in her kitchen first thing in the morning.

"Exactly. I couldn't have put it better myself. I mean honestly," She waved her arms dramatically as she spoke. "Any woman who doesn't like my son has to have something wrong with her."

Kate shook her head in amusement and sipped her coffee. "I couldn't agree more."

Both women glanced towards the door when Alexis entered.

"Good morning, everyone," She chirped cheerfully as she went about making herself a cup of coffee as well, then some cereal to go along with it.

"What are your plans for the day, Sweetheart?" Martha asked her, reaching out to pluck a piece of lint from the sleeve of her Granddaughter's brunt orange sweater.

"I don't know. I wasn't expecting to be home yet so I have a whole morning free. What do you think?" Alexis asked her.

"How about shopping? You know nothing cures a cause of time on your hands like a shopping bag on your shoulder, I always say." Martha lamented, handing out yet another of the patented Martha-isms she was always spouting.

"I do need to find a dress for next Friday," Alexis replied like she was considering her options.

"What's next Friday?" Kate asked.

"I have a date with this incredibly cute boy from art class," she announced giddily.

Kate watched her around her coffee cup for a few minutes as she went on to describe the new 'love of the hour' and couldn't help but smile at the resilience of the young. It hadn't been long at all since Alexis had been head over heels in love with Ashley. Now a few pints of _Ben and Jerry's_ and a couple of nights spent crying on the shoulders of the people that loved her and she was off again, ready to take another chance.

"Well now, isn't this just the perfect way to start a day!" Rick quipped as he stepped into the kitchen. Kate turned to him and felt her breath catch like it always did when he entered a room. She had found recently that this was one of her favorites looks for him, all clean, freshly shaven, buttoned up and pressed, with a smile that said he was ready for whatever the day might throw at him.

She thought she saw him hesitate for half a step before apparently deciding to go all in and he stepped up to her, wrapped an arm around her waist and laid a kiss to lips.

"What are you ladies conspiring about this morning?" he asked, taking Kate's cup which she had placed in front of her and taking a long drink from it.

"Get your own!" she said, trying to snatch the cup from his hand.

"But this one was right here," he argued.

"That's because it's mine," she retorted.

"Are you always this possessive?" he asked, still holding the cup out of her reach.

A moment later, Alexis sat a new full cup down in front of them with a thunk. "There's no need to fight. There's plenty, children," she chided them. "Now are we going shopping?"

She was looking at Kate when she asked and Kate felt a jolt of surprise. She hadn't thought about herself as part of the excursion they were planning.

"You're going shopping?" Rick asked, smiling down at her approvingly.

"Oh, please come, Kate," Martha pressed when she didn't immediately answer. "We'll do some shopping, have lunch and maybe hit a spa for some mani-s and peti-s. I, for one, could really use a good massage."

Rick rolled his eyes at her. "Of course you could, Mother. You must be so stressed after just getting home from spending two days at that spa in the Caribbean."

"A woman can never have too many massages. I know this great place," she replied.

"Is it that place with all the really cute masseurs?" Alexis broke in.

"Wait a minute," Rick interjected. "I'm not sure I want you taking my-" he stopped suddenly as if not knowing what to say, then covered it quickly. "Kate to some place with really cute masseurs. Or my daughter for that matter."

"Oh, relax," Martha waved him away and pushed him aside at the same time so she could pull Kate from her stool and drag her along with her as she went for the door. "We'll bring her back."

Kate let herself get pulled along, not having the first idea about how to stop 'Steam Train Martha'.

Rick followed them to the door and cleared his throat to get his mother's attention. "There is something you need to know," he started and Martha stopped in her tracks and spun towards him, giving her his attention, for the moment at least. "This is just between us."

"What's just between us? Are you afraid that someone will find out that Kate likes us more than you?"

"No," Kate shook her head, picking up where he'd left off. "Rick and I. We aren't really telling anyone that things have changed between us."

"They can't let anyone at work know because Kate's new boss won't let them work together if she finds out they're more than partners."

"Say no more. I understand completely," Martha answered, quickly. Then she leaned towards Kate and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I've had my share of clandestine affairs."

Rick rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Mother, Please."

"I'll bring her back in one piece, I promise. And I'll try to do as much damage control as I can," Alexis assured him before the three of them left him standing there staring at the closed door.


	12. Chapter 12

She was exhausted. But she admitted, it was pleasantly so. She'd spent the day surrounded by Castle's family and both women, his mother and his daughter, were equally enthusiastic in their own ways. So much so that at first she'd had a bit of trouble keeping up. But by the end of the day she'd found a nice balance and rhythm and she found she'd enjoyed herself more than she expected to. She'd gone on the shopping spree/spa day at first because she thought to turn them down would be insulting or rude.

Now that it was over she found herself looking forward to next time, which Martha was already trying to organize.

It was strange for Kate. She'd had female friends before. She'd spent the day doing girlie things like shopping, manicures and guy watching from a bench in Central Park over a frappuccino and a hot dog bought from a nearby street vender. In college, she'd spent most of her weekends like this with her roommates and then later in life with Lanie on the occasion that they could both find the time. But something about this was different.

It was like she was being invited into a club she hadn't even known she wanted to join, but now that she was in, she was excited to be a part of it. She felt accepted, welcomed, even, and she found that she really liked the feeling. And more than that, she really, truly enjoyed spending time with these women.

Martha was a whirlwind of color and humor and she reminded her so much of Castle it was like having him along for the trip. She could see so much of him in his mother it wasn't hard to understand the influence his mother had had on him, despite his protests towards the opposite.

And Alexis, she didn't even know how to describe the younger version of Rick accurately. She was smart, sharper than either her or Castle put together, when it came right down to it and wise, so much wiser than her few years. But there was also an idealistic zealousness that Kate knew was all Castle. She could imagine the man telling his daughter in no uncertain circumstances that she could be or do anything she could imagine and Alexis had drank in every word. Now she standing on precipice of making it all happen and there was no fear in her. Kate envied that. She'd been afraid of some much in her life. But she knew the reasoning behind it, because no matter what Alexis did, no matter how far she fell in her efforts for greatness there was a safety net of unbelievable strength waiting below to catch her and prop her back up.

Kate found herself wanting to be part of that safety net and by the time the three of them were stepping out of the elevator heading towards the door to the loft that was home, she felt like she was.

"We're home," Martha tweeted loudly as soon as she stepped in the door. When no one answered, she turned to her companions with a look of distress. "Oh, no, he's gotten himself trapped under something heavy or locked in one of the bedrooms. Spread out and do a search."

Alexis gave a weary sigh, "I've got upstairs," she said as she made for the staircase after setting her bags down.

"I'm sure he's just in the shower, or maybe he stepped out for something to eat," Kate said, amused by the over the top show of concern.

Martha gave her a disbelieving look. "You obviously don't know Richard as well as you think you do."

A note on the fridge telling them he had to run an errand and would be right back called a halt to the search.

"See, I told you there was nothing to worry about," Kate announced as she sat herself down on one of the bar stool at the kitchen island.

Alexis took the one next to her and gave her raised eyebrows, "This time."

"Does this happen often, you coming home to find him trapped under something or locked somewhere?" she asked.

"Often enough," Martha answered as she poured herself and Kate a cocktail. "When he writes he says he has to experiment so he knows how his character can managed to do the things he wants them to do. So," she shrugged. "He duck tapes himself to chairs and handcuffs himself to balcony railings and one time, he locked himself in a trunk. Took us forever to find him that time."

"You and Dad should go out tonight. Maybe dinner and dancing. You can wear that dress you bought today," Alexis suggested enthusiastically.

Kate gave her an indulgent smile. "That sounds wonderful, Sweetheart. But we can't. We can't take the chance of someone seeing us out like that. This is a secret, remember?"

"That's so unfair. You've waited so long to be together and now you can't tell anyone. I bet it's killing Dad keeping this secret. And that dress is so pretty but you'll never be able to wear it."

Kate thought about that and realized she was probably right. Rick was more than likely dying to share the news of his new relationship with everyone he met. He wasn't the type to keep things to himself, especially from the people he considered friends like, Ryan and Esposito.

"I know," Martha beamed suddenly. "We can do dinner and dancing right here. Alexis and I can set it up then we'll go out to a movie or two and you can have the place all to yourselves."

Kate shook her head immediately. "I couldn't ask you to do that. It's too much trouble. Besides I wouldn't feel right about kicking you out of your own home."

"Nonsense!" the older woman waved her off with a dramatic flip of her hand. "We're offering and you aren't kicking us out. We're volunteering to leave."

Kate started to protest but apparently the idea was contagious because Alexis was already pulling her from her seat and marching her off towards Castle's bedroom at the end of the hall. "There's a private bathroom in there and I'll loan you my soap and shampoo and anything else you need. We'll even help with your hair and makeup."

Kate tried to protest once again when they reached the bathroom door but stopped at seeing the expression on her face. "Please Kate. Let us do this. It's as much for Dad as it is for you and you both deserve some time together. It's taken you so long to get here."

Half an hour later, she stepped out of the shower, wrapped a fluffy, blue towel around her and walked into the bedroom to find Castle sitting on the bed with a smile on his face.

"Am I to understand that we have a date tonight?" he asked. Reaching out, he took her hand and pulling her into his lap.

"I guess so. They can be very persuasive. Especially the little one," she smiled back before kissing him.

"Yeah, she gets that from me," he chuckled.

"Am I to understand that you've been off running mysterious errands all afternoon?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and settling herself more comfortably against him.

"Not so mysterious, but we can talk about it later. Right now, I guess I need to get ready for our date," he answered and she almost called him out for being cryptic but decided to let it ride for once. She was actually really looking forward to the evening and she didn't want anything to mess that up. His tone said it just might, so better to deal with it tomorrow and not darken the evening.

They weren't on rotation at the precinct so there would be no interrupting phone call. Her father had checked in with her earlier in the day, so she knew he was fine and she also knew that Lanie was enjoying a rare couple of days in a row off so she was visiting her family in Ithaca, so not even a friend disaster lurked on the horizon. The evening was all theirs.

She went to her jacket, extracted her phone, checked and found no messages, then for the first time in a long, long time, she turned it off. Not on vibrate, but off, effectively shutting her away from the rest of the world.

Time to find out what the world was like when it was just the two of them in it, just Kate and Rick and nothing outside the four walls of his loft. She saw his jacket hanging on the back of a chair pushed up to an antique desk in the corner of the room and went to it. She hesitated for only a moment before she slid her hand into the pocket and found his phone as well. She was just about to hit the button to turn it off as well when she noticed the screen announcing he had a missed call from Morgan.

The detective in her flew into motion immediately and instinctively. A missed phone call from an ex-girlfriend that the phone said happened three hours ago, a mysterious errand he didn't want to talk about. What was going on? Her finger paused over the button that would lead her to the screen that showed his outgoing calls. She wanted to see if he'd called her back. Her mind screamed at her to push the button, solve the mystery, find out the truth.

But she stopped herself. It was one of the hardest things she'd done in a while. She was a suspicious person by nature. It came with the job. But she couldn't do that to him. If there was something to tell, she had to trust him to tell her. She needed to trust him.

So she slid the phone back into his pocket and walked away, considering for a moment just going into the bathroom and asking him about the call. But she could almost see the hurt in his eyes when he discovered her lack of faith in him and it killed her to even think about making him feel that way.

_No,_ she told herself silently, _I'm going to let this go and enjoy my night. He'll tell me what I need to know when I need to know it. _

This was Castle, for God's sake. She trusted him with her life. And he'd never, ever given her a reason not to believe in him, so that was that. End of story.

She squared her shoulders, slipped into the robe that had been left for her and went off to find Alexis and Martha.

She found Martha in the kitchen and she informed her that Alexis was out getting their dinner. They had wanted to prepare something for them, but time would be better served getting Kate ready, so they ordered out, Coq au vin, to be precise, along with roasted new potatoes and a spring salad. Martha proclaimed the meal would be 'to die for' and better than anything she and Alexis might have thrown together. "Plus," she added conspiratorially, "the apple clafouti she's getting for dessert will add ten pounds to your thighs." Then she gave her a knowing smile and a wink. "But I'm sure you'll find some way of working off the calories before the night is through."

Kate had died of embarrassment on the spot.

By the time Alexis arrived with dinner and a bottle of Bourgogne to accompany it, Martha had Kate in her bedroom and she was doing incredible things to her hair. Kate immediately asked where the seventeen year old had gotten the bottle of wine.

"At the Old Haunt. It was in Dad's office," she replied like it was obvious.

When Kate turned her eyes to Martha, she just rolled her eyes and sighed tiredly. "It a good thing she's a good kid or we might have a problem on our hands."

Alexis was in charge of the makeup. Martha did her hair. They spent the next thirty minutes poking and prodding, twisting and brushing and Kate had never felt more fussed over or spoiled in her life. Aside from that, she'd also never felt like so much a part of something. The entire day had served to show her that all this with her and Castle was about something far bigger than just the two of them. She felt like, for the first time in a very long time, she was part of a family. She'd forgotten how much she missed her family. But she determinedly pushed away those dark feelings and focused on how much she was liking the here and now.

It was time to put the past where it belonged, in the past. It was well past time to move on and start over. It was what her mother would have wanted for her. She knew that. Her mother would have loved these people. She knew that, too. Despite the privileged life they lead, there was no elitism to be found here. They were just real people who cared about her and made sure she knew it.

Joanna Beckett would have adored Alexis. She would have conspired with Martha and fallen in love with Rick. Kate was absolutely positive that if her mother had had a choice, this is where she would have wanted Kate to be.

A knock on the bedroom door brought their attention there and Alexis stepped away from her to answer it.

"Are you done mauling my date?" Rick asked, while Alexis blocked him from poking his head around the door. "Dinner smells wonderful and it's getting cold."

"Did you take care of all the things we asked you to do?" Alexis countered with her serious face in place.

"Yes, I did everything I was told to do. I'm all ready. The only thing missing is Kate," he informed her.

"Alright, we're almost done." She turned to her grandmother. "Can you finish up here? I need to go check his work."

Kate laughed out loud at that while Martha waved her away with a smile of her own. "Go, I'll have her out in five minutes. Don't forget the candles or the music."

"You know I won't," Alexis replied before leaving them alone.

"I hope we haven't pushed too hard today. I know Alexis and I can come on pretty strong sometimes," Martha said as soon as the door closed.

Kate shook her head sending a spray of chocolate curls over her shoulder. "Of course not. I've had more fun today than I've had in a long time."

"Good," she answered with a solemn nod. "It's just that we can see how good you are for him. We wanted you to know how much we like having you around. We want you to consider yourself a part of our family. And I, for one, want you to know that you're welcome here any time, hell all the time as far as I'm concerned."

Kate could feel the mist forming in her eyes and blinked them rapidly before they had a chance to tear and ruin her makeup.

"He just glows when you're around. It's been quite a while since anything has been him glow like that." Martha was still going on. She was still plucking and shifting things, brushing and arranging as she spoke and Kate put her hand up and covered the other woman's with it to stop her.

"If you don't stop I'm going to cry and ruin my makeup," Kate warned her.

Martha laughed. "Well, we can't have that. I've had my say anyway and you're all finished. As they say in show business, break a leg, Sweetheart."

She stepped away and Kate got up from her seat at the vanity and walked the short distance to the full length mirror in the corner to see all their hard work for herself.

The dress was a straight-cut, a-line midnight blue satin with a plunging neckline that showed off cleavage Kate hadn't even known she had and a back that hung in beautifully draped folds around her waist. The rhinestone covered bodice hugged her frame tightly. Three thin spaghetti straps curved over each of her shoulders decorated in the same rhinestones. Her eyes followed the line of the dress down to where it stopped right above her knee. And the front slit was also outline by the same rhinestones as the bodice and gave an enticing glimpse of her thigh. She wore sheer stockings and a pair of opened-toed rhinestone heels with straps that circled her ankles, borrowed from Alexis, who it turned out, conveniently, wore the same size as Kate.

She reached up and tugged at a wave of her hair that had been left down to frame her face. Her hair was up and swept back behind her and a tumbled wave of brown from a low ponytail covered her shoulder. Her hand hovered for a moment over the diamond necklace Martha had loaned her and it drew her eyes to the matching dangle earrings that bobbed and danced when she moved her head. The bracelet that completed the set hung delicately around her left wrist, twinkling at her invitingly.

"You look beautiful, Sweetheart. It's perfection, head to toe." Martha beamed from over her shoulder with a touch of self-congratulation.

"Thank you. You're right. It's perfect. It just feels a little silly to go through all this trouble when I'm not even leaving the apartment," she admitted.

"If you are going to keep this relationship secret, you are going to have to make adjustments. If feeling silly means you still get to enjoy the first stages of a new relationship then you'll just have to get over it. It's important to have these memories. You don't want to look back to where it all began and have nothing to remember but nights in front of a television or worse yet, nights when you never even bothered to get out bed. What kind of stories would those be for my future grandchildren?"

Kate felt herself blush to the roots of her hair. _Grandchildren!_

"I'm sorry," Martha added at seeing her expression. "I didn't mean to overstep. Like I said, it's a habit."

"It's okay," Kate smiled at her. "But I think I'm as ready as I'm going to get."

Martha nodded in agreement. "And the added bonus of never leaving home is that you don't have to worry about packing a clutch. No purse necessary." She smiled as she lead her towards the door.

Then she stopped before opening it and turned back with another smile. "You have fun with my son tonight. We'll just head out. Richard's been given instructions to text me when you want us home, so I'll most likely see you in the morning. You can tell me all about your date over breakfast." Then she stepped in and gave Kate a hug. It was an unexpected gesture and Kate froze at first not sure how to respond. But she finally wrapped her arm around her and gave in, realizing that these people were touchy people and she was going to have to just get used to it if she really did want to fit. "Thank you for indulging an old woman cursed with a son. It was nice to play dress up." She shrugged as she stepped away. "Alexis let's me occasionally, but that won't last for long. Before I know it, she'll gone."

"I understand. Thank you for playing dress up with me. It was fun and since I never really got to do this either, we can call it indulging each other."

"I'll send Richard along to collect you," Martha nodded and looked almost teary eyed when she stepped from the room, leaving Kate alone to wait on her date.


	13. Chapter 13

The stark white dinnerware with a thin golden rim contrasted perfectly against the blood red tablecloth that covered the small, round table. The utensils were gold. The glasses simple. Their only decoration was the gold stripe around the rims that married them to the plates and saucers. The wine was open and breathing beside a bouquet of fully opened red roses in a tall, gold vase, that matched the holders of the two, long, white, taper candles that gave the room its soft, intimate glow. White linen napkins were folded ornately beside the plates of steaming, delicious-smelling food and the soft, rhythmic sound of jazz drifted from the hidden speakers set throughout the space.

Two high back chairs with the same blood red cushions as the cloth on the table sat on the rug that coordinated impeccably with the white of the plates and the napkins and the ribbon of intricate vines entwined on it was the same shade as the cushions and tablecloth.

Sheer white panels peeked out from beneath much heavier red broadcloth drapes and drifted in the breeze from the open balcony doors. The starkness of the white walls was interrupted by the deep red stripe than ran through their center and the artwork perfectly complimented the color scheme, a spectacular white orchid set against a red background was the centerpiece for the art and it immediately drew the eye to its place on the wall behind the table.

Rick noticed none of these things as he stood, glassy eyed, mouth agape, staring at the woman in front of him. She shifted nervously and he used that to pull himself out of his dumbfounded revelry and take a step closer to her, bringing him close enough to take her hand, which he did before laying a kiss to the back of it tenderly. "You are absolutely stunning," he choked out around a mouth that was still dry from the shock of her perfection.

She gave him a soft, sweet smile, a rare thing for her, and reached up to adjust the lapel of his black on gray pinstriped, classic cut, suit jacket. Then she moved her fingers over the tight, perfect Windsor knot created at his throat by his black silk tie. She ran her fingertip along the gray and silver stripe that decorated the tie. "You aren't so bad yourself," she told him.

He'd chosen a black on black look for his shirt and tie and he congratulated himself on his choice, obviously she approved. He'd worried at first that his combination of shirt and tie under the three piece gray D&G suit wasn't enough color. He'd actually felt a little silly standing at his closet staring at the contents like he was trying to decide what to wear for his first date. In fact, by the time he'd finished showering, it occurred to him that he was as nervous as he'd been on his prom night and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

This was just Kate. It was him and Kate. Kate, who had taken on so many roles in his life he couldn't imagine a life without her in it anymore. Best friend, partner, now lover, as well. She'd taken so many monumental roles in his world he couldn't picture trying to exist without her beside him. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten by before her.

It was a sobering thought and one he had no idea how to deal with so he pushed it away before it had a chance of darkening their evening.

His black Salvatore Ferragamo loafers made no sound as he lead her to the table and held her chair out for her. Once she was seated, he leaned in and kissed her cheek softly before taking his own chair and pouring the wine.

"This is so wonderful. Martha and Alexis shouldn't have gone through so much trouble," Kate said before taking a sip of her wine and smiling in approval once the bouquet of it hit her tongue.

"You'll have to get used to them. They can be a little overbearing at times," he answered after his own taste. "I hope they didn't come on too strong or push too hard. They just really like you."

She shook her head and his breath caught as a cascading spill of dark curls danced across her shoulder. "I really like them, too. I had a wonderful time today and I'm looking forward to next time. Martha is already trying to make plans."

"I can ask her to back off, if you'd like. I know how to talk to her so she won't take any offense," he offered, figuring there was no way that the Kate he knew could have possibly enjoyed the day's adventures like she claimed.

"I'm not just being nice, Castle. I really did have a great time today," she assured him.

He stared at her for a long time, trying to marry the two, no, make that three images together that made up the woman he loved so much. He knew the Kate he worked with day in and day out. That Kate, he understood. He got her on a level that was rare for two people to achieve. The woman who left his loft that morning to go spend the day shopping and spa-ing with his mother and daughter, that was someone new, but not completely unfamiliar. He'd witnessed her spending time with his family before so the concept of her being 'one of the girls' wasn't utterly foreign to him.

But then there was the woman across from him now and that was a Kate he'd never met before. She was awe-inspiring. He'd always worried a bit about how the woman he worked with at the precinct might fit into his life outside of it. He DID have another life, a life filled with VIP parties and book launchings, red carpet premiers and black-tie fund raisers. And now he saw that she was perfectly suited to that life as well. Seeing her now, there was no question in his mind that she could easy blend into the situations she might find herself in if she really accepted a life at his side.

He'd determined long ago that if she couldn't, he would simply give up his other life, toss it all away if she wasn't comfortable mingling with the rich and powerful. The decision had come easier to him than he expected it to. He liked the limelight, after all, thrived in it, even. But he knew he never shined as brightly as he did when she was at his side and ultimately, he loved her more and making her happy was all that mattered to him. Now he knew he wouldn't have to make that choice and it was something of a relief. Watching her was mind-boggling. He'd seen her run down murders, go toe to toe with some of the most vile, disgusting individuals the city had to offer, but here in this moment she was resplendently regal in her gestures and posture.

"What?" she asked, drawing him away from his inner musings.

"You just continue to amaze me more and more everyday," he said, honestly and sincerely.

She shifted nervously again and began to fidget with her fork as she pushed the food around on her plate. "I love you, too," she answered with something of a coy expression as a delightful blush rose in her cheeks.

"I know this might sound cheesy, but love seems such a commonplace word for the way I feel when I look at you." he announced, feeling a little ridiculous as he did so.

"Rick," she sighed, as a smile took over her face.

"I know, I'm sorry." He took a deep breath to pull himself together and gave a quick wave of his hand, as if to displace the nervous unease that had fallen between them or at least back it off a little. "It's the writer in me. He tends to lean towards the dramatic."

She took another sip of wine. "It isn't so bad. I could get used to the dramatic," she admitted.

"I could get used to this," he replied.

She bit into a forkful of chicken and nodded in agreement. "I know. This is the best thing I've ever tasted."

"I meant the company, but the food isn't bad either," he said with an amused chuckle.

He knew what she'd been trying to do. She might think she could get used to the dramatic but at the moment she was trying to hedge the weightiness of the air. She was trying to lighten the mood. Normally he would have let her. He knew that the sentimental stuff wasn't really her thing and typically he indulged her need to keep things light and casual. But he wasn't going to let her tonight. No, tonight things between them were going to be as heavy and emotion-filled as they liked and they would just have to ride the wave through it. He needed the emotion. He needed to feel the weight of the feelings swirling around them.

And more than that, he needed for her to feel it all, too. He needed her to understand how huge this thing they'd embarked upon really was. He needed her to accept the intensity of the love flowing between them. He needed her to deal with what they had come to mean to each other. It might just be imperative to his survival, at this point.

Because he knew tomorrow would be messy and his only hope of getting through it might just lie in the memory of the depth of love they had for each other tonight.

When the food was gone and both of them were sated and satisfied, he took her hand again and lead her to the space he'd cleared as a dance floor, per his daughter's explicit instructions. He loved what his mother and Alexis had tried to create for them and he made a quick mental note to let them know how much their effort was appreciated as he took her in his arms and began to sway to the soft music surrounding them.

She tucked her head into his shoulder and drew her body even closer into his as they found a rhythm and began to move together in perfect synchronicity. But then, that was to be expected. They were usually perfectly in sync with each other. The times when they weren't were agonizing and terrifying and he had never felt so out of control or alone in the world. But with her in his arms, with her body pressed so wholly to his own and her soft breath whispering against the column of his neck, everything made sense. The world, at least his tiny part of it, made sense. There was a rhythm and rhyme to it all that rested squarely with her. Having her with him made everything, every question, every doubt, every piece of nonsense fall into place and he didn't need to think anymore. She was all the answers he needed.

He eased back from her and looked down into her wide, melted chocolate eyes with every intention of telling her all that and so much more. He had so much to say to her, so much she needed to know, but fear stopped him.

He was afraid that if he told her all that, if he said all things that were filling his head he'd end up scaring her away. Feeling it all and talking about it were too very different things to Kate. He just had to hope with everything inside him that somehow she just knew. He had to hope that their physical and mental synchronicity carried into their emotions as well.

Or maybe, just maybe- he drew her in closer and kissed her with all the feeling pent up inside him -he could show her.

She gave a soft gasp at the intensity of his kiss, but only because it startled her, as soon as she caught up, she gave herself over to it and added her own fire to his already smoldering heat. Her hands clutched at him ardently as she strained into him with zeal.

His Kate might not be the best at expressing her emotions with words, but like this, she was brilliant at letting him feel everything she was feeling. She never held back here. He feared she might, at first. He was afraid that this new phase between them would present him with an entirely new set of wall to bust through. But to his pleasant surprise, Kate was an 'all in' kind of girl when passion and lust became factors.

It delighted him, the fervent way which she spoke to him intimately yet without words, letting herself go so utterly and giving in to all that was normally so carefully concealed in her. This was a gift she gave him, letting him see her like this, a cherished gift that he never wanted to take for granted. And it bespoke of the incredible trust she had in him. He was fairly certain not many people had met this side of her, not many had witness her this unguarded, this emotionally wide open.

Her arms tighten around his shoulders as her tongue brushed across his lips and he opened his mouth to her, letting her in and deepening the kiss by drawing her closer still.

It was consuming, the passion between them, an all consuming fire that could not be contained once it was stoked to life. It was never gone completely. It was always there, though outside in the world it had to be starved down to simple embers. But it was always burning, just waiting for a spark.

As her tongue brushed over the roof of his mouth and he tasted the wine on it still, his lust for her became almost more than he could hold on to. It was a monstrous beast inside him, clawing, biting to be set free, roaring and growling louder with each brush of her fingers against the nape of his neck.

They were moving and he had no idea who started the motion or where they were heading, he just knew he need to be some place else. Standing in the middle of his dining room wasn't enough. He couldn't get her close enough here.

By the time they reached his bedroom door, his jacket was long gone, his vest and shirt both unbuttoned, and his shoes had been toed off as they moved. She'd paused briefly on their journey to unbuckle the straps around her ankles and slip off her own shoes as well. The zipper of her dress was down. She had to do it herself when she tired of him pawing at her back in search of the closure and reached to her side to dispense with it. Now the only thing holding the garment up were the straps trapped in the bend of her elbows.

He kicked the door opened, having cleverly left it slightly ajar in hopes that this would be how the evening turned out and continued urging them backward until he felt his bed behind him.

She pulled out of his embrace once they reached their destination and she took a step back, letting the air flow once again between their bodies and giving her enough room to let the dress slid the rest of the way from her body until it hit the floor with a sigh. He realized a moment later that the sound hadn't come from the dress but had escaped from his open lips as his eyes traveled lingering up her body and the noise happened again.

Outwardly, he sighed while inside he roared furiously and loudly in both approval and impatience. His fingers twitched with need as he quickly snatched at his own clothing, clothing he'd meticulously donned only a handful of hours before. Now he jerked the tie from his neck and took his shirt and vest together and moved from his shoulders in a heap of heavy material.

Kate wasn't standing ideally watching all this take place. She had for a moment, but by the time the tie was gone, she'd decided to aid him in his quest and now his belt was on the floor by her dress and his pants were resting dangerously low on his hips since they were the only things still keeping them in place. She gave them a tug as he pulled his remaining arm from his upper garments and they fell as well.

He had no idea how the rest of their things ended up in the pile of clothing. He'd lost track when she stroked her fingertip down the center of his chest. Everything after that was a blur until he had her in the middle of the bed, securely under him.

He'd had every intention of easing into her, but instead, the feel of her body, the heat from her, the intensity of the lust in her eyes as she looked up at him, made that impossible and he was suddenly plunging forward, burying himself to the hilt with the very first thrust of his hips.

Her eyes widened and a moan flew from her lips at the sudden intrusion but the surprise of it only lasted a handful of seconds and before he knew it, she was right there with him, pushing him,and prompting him, encouraging him with her legs that were settled around his upper thighs and the sounds she was making with every movement.

He was no better since the growls and roars that he had been trying to contained broke free from his chest and took over his voice. He had a moment of clarity to thank his lucky stars that his roommates had decided to leave them alone for the evening. There was no mistaking what was happening behind his closed door right then.

Underneath him, Kate was already thrashing wildly and sinking her freshly manicured nails into his shoulders. He prepared himself to pull back, to slow down the ride they were on. He wanted to draw this out, but she determinedly stopped him short by pitching her body into his and writhing frantically. There was no stopping him when she was like that. Seeing her coming so utterly undone and knowing he was responsible were enough for him to lose control even when she wasn't touching him, but now with her like that and the added bonus of feeling her muscles gripping him so tightly, it was over.

When he came back down she was right there, cradling him to her sweat-slicked chest. He realized he was trembling and he wasn't sure why. A wave of self-consciousness broke over him and he tried to pull away, gain some distance so he could pull himself together, but she stopped him by tighten her hold and refusing to let him go. He raised his head from her shoulder and she immediately turned her head to the side which only made him look at her closer. She was hiding something. He could tell by the way she was trying to tuck her chin into her shoulder.

He shifted, not moving off of her but giving himself a better angle to inspect her. What he found in her face made his chest constrict. Her eyes were glistening with the moisture of tears right on the verge of falling. In that moment, he realized she was shaking as well and he completely understood both reactions. Emotions as fierce as the ones that had been deluging them all evening could not be contained. They needed an outlet and the tears and shaking were perfectly normal outlets. But he knew her and he knew that the tears and shaking in her eyes were signs of weakness. He hated the mortified look on her face when she saw that he had discovered her secret.

He didn't want her to feel like she needed to hide from him. He raised a quivering hand up and brushed away a tiny tear that had escaped to her cheek. Then he gathered her to him and maneuvered them until they were laying on their sides.

She wasn't speaking and she wasn't looking at him and all that scared him more than a little. When Kate found herself in tumultuous situations she didn't want to deal with, Kate ran. She ran as far and as fast as she could.

He smoothed a curl of her hair from her shoulder but said nothing, giving her time to deal with the enormity of the evenings events. He didn't want to push right then, afraid that if he did she would be gone before he could blink.

So he settled in and waited, waited for her to meet his gaze or say something or try to move, waited for her to give him some indication of how she was feeling or of how he should proceed. His fear of her reaction paralyzed him and there was no mistaking the tension in his shoulders or the rigid frame of his arms that held her.

For her part, she laid as still as he did, staring a hole into the center of his chest.

"Kate?" he finally whispered, breaking the oppressive weight of silence that had fallen between them.

Her hand, which he noted was still shaking, came up to rest on his shoulder but she still didn't raise her eyes. "I'm okay, Castle. I just need a minute."

All the apprehension drained from his body with a relieved sigh and settled more comfortably into her at her reassurance. It was all he needed to let him know that everything would be okay. She was handling it all. She was dealing, in her own way, of course, but dealing all the same, and that was enough for him. He'd give her all the time she needed to wrap her mind around the weight of what they'd just experienced.

It felt like forever before she moved her hand from his shoulder to the side of his face, then she brought her eyes to his finally and held his gaze as she leaned up and brought her lips to his.

It was a soft kiss, tender and impassioned with something far deeper than lust or need. Her eyes were clouded, uncertain when she finally broke away. "I don't..." she began to say, then stopped and cleared her throat.

She was struggling. He could see it in her face, feel it in the tautness that still rested in her shoulders.

He put a finger to her lips to stop her before she went any further. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I know. You know. We both understand. We don't have to talk about it or explain it to death. Both of us understand and that's enough." He told her, rescuing her from her scramble to try to find the right words.

There were none. He should know, words were the tools of his trade and even he was at a loss. How could he expect her to find the right ones, when he couldn't?

Her entire body seemed to fall into his as his words sunk into her brain and suddenly she was lagging against him, letting the exhaustion take the place of the tension she'd been holding on to.

He watched her swallow hard before she looked up at him again. "I love you," she whispered, but it felt as if she were screaming it at him, the words, the meaning behind them felt far more powerful than the volume of her voice.

He pulled her in and laid a kiss to her temple. "I love you, too, Kate." He told her. "I love you, too."


	14. Chapter 14

"Kate?" he ventured quietly, testing the waters to see if she was awake.

"Um?" she murmured, snuggling down deeper into the crock of his arm which she had taken over as a pillow.

"Are you awake?" He'd tried to sleep. He wanted to. He wanted to close his eyes and let the day's events fall to the wayside. He needed to rest, to recharge himself from the emotional roller coaster ride he'd been on the day before. The ups and downs were wearing on him. But his guilt, his despair over what was to come was wearing on him, as well. And apparently it was the stronger of the two.

"A little," she answered, turning her head to look up at him.

"We need to talk," he said, hating the heavy weight of the words. He'd hoped to find a better way to ease her into this, but there really wasn't one. Nothing could be done to soften the blow he was about to deliver. He just had to hope she'd let him be there to catch her when she fell.

She raised up and propped her head on her arms which had come to rest over his chest. Her hair fell into her eye and he pushed it away with a soft, sweet smile meant to reassure her.

She didn't look reassure. In fact, if he had to put a name to her expression, it would have been fear, definitely apprehension.

"You ever notice how conversations never seem to go well when they start with those words?" she asked even as she tried valiantly to keep the frown from her face.

He sighed and used the movement to brace himself against what he knew he had to do. "I'm afraid this one probably won't be much better," he grimaced.

Her eyes darkened further, but her hand came up to cup the side of his face. "What is it, Rick? Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as all that. We're together. That's the important thing. It's the only thing that matters."

He closed his eyes, quickly shielding himself from her words and the look of loving devotion that had taken the place of her fear. She trusted him not to hurt her and he was about to throw that trust in her face and stomp on it. He hated himself more in that moment than he ever had in his life.

He rubbed his eyes for a minute before opening them again and finding her gaze. His mouth opened and he could feel the words he needed to say teetering on the tip of his tongue, but something in him, he was pretty certain it was his survival instinct, was keeping them there, not letting them go. He closed his mouth again, reforming the words, hoping he might be able to let something slip out around his defense mechanisms. "I don't even know how to tell you this," he admitted after swallowing hard against the bile in his throat.

"Tell me what, Castle? What is wrong with you?" She was up now, sitting beside him with the gray sheet clutched tightly to her chest. "Just say whatever you have to say. You're scaring me."

He sat up as well, slipping off the side of the bed and into his pants which were still laying in a puddle right at his feet.

Turning his back on her, he began to pace. He barely had any hope of getting through this in one piece. There was no way he'd make it to the other side if he had to look at her while he did it. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, determined that he would get this out this time. But again when he opened his mouth the only thing that came out was, "I, um..." then everything else shut down.

"You um, what?" she prompted, moving to the side of the bed, untangling his shirt from the pile of clothes and shoving her arms into it roughly. She didn't bother with the buttons, instead opting to just hold it closed at the center of her chest.

When he turned to her, the effect was amazing, his black shirt against the rich, tanned tone of her skin and the darkness of her hair, the swelling globes of her breast just visible around the parted material caused by her grip on the garment. He almost forgot everything and got back in bed.

Damn her! It was like she was doing this to him on purpose. If she knew what was about to happen, he had no doubt that that is exactly what she'd be doing, making this harder, enjoying watching him squirm. He turned his back on her again. The sight of her like that was driving him to distraction and he couldn't afford to be distracted. This was too important.

"Morgan call me this morning," he pushed out, finally, though even those cryptic words burned his throat as he spoke them.

"And?" she pressed. "What is happening here? Are you -" she stopped, pausing to get herself under control. He could hear her temper slipping in her voice. "Are you breaking up with me?"

He spun towards her with his hands out and a startled expression on his face. "Oh God, no. That isn't what this is about at all. How could you even think that?"

"I don't know, Rick. I wonder what could make me think that." It was a rhetorical question, serving to show him how much his bizarre behavior was affecting her.

He was making this worse. He didn't want to do that. It hadn't been his intention at all. So he tried again, this time just blowing the words out before he could stop himself again. "She's pregnant, Kate."

The entire world stopped spinning. All she could manage to do was keep herself upright as she processed his words, repeating them over and over in her mind.

Finally, she wet her suddenly dry lips and cleared her throat. "What?" she asked, not because she wanted to hear him say it again, but because she needed to affirm for herself that she hadn't misheard him.

He came to the bed and sat down beside her, taking her hands in his and her first instinct was to rip them away from his grasp. But she didn't, not yet anyway. She had to give him a chance to explain. She owed him that much.

"She's pregnant," he repeated, louder, more firmly this time, like he was making sure she wouldn't make him say it again. He needn't fear. Hearing it again was the last thing she wanted.

"And it's yours?" the words were out before she knew she was saying them, or thinking them, for that matter. It was like all her brain processes had slowed to a crawl and were having trouble keeping up. She felt like all her reactions were somehow delayed.

He hesitated, apparently not expecting the question. It had thrown him, but he recovered quickly. "I assume so since she called to tell me about it. Otherwise it wouldn't be any of my business." He told her, at last. Obviously it was the first time the question had even entered his mind. But then of course it was. Rick didn't think about things like that. He was far too trusting of people sometimes.

"You need to make sure," she said. It was the practical side of her working now. That was the side she could always rely on to take charge when other parts of her failed.

He shifted, getting back to his feet and taking a few steps away from her. "It didn't seem like there was any question of it not being."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course there wasn't." Her memory of the one meeting she'd had with the woman filled her mind. There had been something about her, even that night, that Kate hadn't liked. And Kate knew how to read people. It was a gift she relied on heavily in her work. "Look, Rick, I met her. That woman has an agenda where you're concerned. And this seems a little too convenient to me."

His hands went to his hips and God help her, she fought against the distraction of him bringing attention to the way the pants hugged him so perfectly, showing off the indents of his hips and their darker color contrasted so beautifully against his golden skin. She fought to keep her eyes from following the trail of hair that lead up from his waistband, over his navel and spread across his wide chest.

This wasn't the time for that and she could not understand how she was even thinking about such things in light of what was happening between them. It only served to remind her of how much she felt for him, not just mentally or emotionally, but physically as well. Despite how well that particular thirst had already been sated, she felt herself wanting him all over again and her fingers twitched with the need to feel him under them.

"Too convenient?" he was saying, well, nearly yelling, actually and it brought her attention back to where it should be. "How is this anywhere near convenient?"

"You broke up with her," Kate tried to explain it patiently, but her patience was wearing thin and her voice took on a snappish tone all on its own. "Now she suddenly has a very convenient, very real way of keeping a hold on you, of keeping you in her life."

He drew his hand through his hair and huffed. "You weren't there, Kate. You didn't see her. She was almost as upset about it as I was."

"I bet she was," Kate rolled her eyes again.

He came to stand right in front of her and looked like he was about to reach out, but he didn't. "And you don't think this reaction might be you trying to grab hold of the easiest, neatest way to make this all go away?"

"Well. Of course I want it to go away," She stopped when something dark crossed over his face and she realized what she was saying. Then she huffed and rubbed at her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that. That's not what I'm saying. God, I don't know what I'm saying." She took a deep breath. "What are you going to do?"

He stepped away again and resumed his pacing across the rug by the bed. "I told her that we were together and that nothing was going to change that, but I also said I'd be there for her and you know, the baby."

_The baby, _the words hit her so hard she felt like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room. Castle was going to have a baby with another woman. Kate was going to have to share him with yet another woman. Alexis and Martha, of course, she didn't mind. Sharing him with them was easy. They made it easy. She had no such illusions about Morgan. Morgan was trouble. Kate knew it. She knew it like she did when she had a suspect in her sights during a murder investigation. She knew it like she did when she caught someone in a lie in her interrogation room.

Then she was angry. It didn't build in her slowly like it normally did. No, this time it was just there and more powerful than she felt it in a long, long time. This was her time with Rick. This was her moment. She'd waited so long, been so patient. This was her happily ever after. How could he do something to jeopardize that? It wasn't until that thought form that she realized it was him she was angry with. She thought, at first, it was all directed at Morgan. But how could it be? He was a part of this, too. She hadn't gotten herself pregnant alone.

"How could you do this, Rick?"

Suddenly, he stopped moving and turned to her slowly. His hands came up in front of him and something in her face had caused his to go pale. "I didn't mean to," he answered weakly. "I didn't do this on purpose."

"Things like this don't just happen on accident anymore. Weren't you being careful? Weren't you taking precautions?" she demanded.

"Of course we were. Be serious, Kate. You know me better than that."

She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips. "Really? Do I? I don't remember us being very careful tonight," she countered.

The rest of the color drained from his face as he realized she was right. They hadn't been careful. They'd both been too swept away to think about it.

But just thinking about the night they'd just shared only served to remind her of it and the anger grew to something she could barely contain. She was on her feet, snatching her dress up and sliding it on in a flash. "You knew!" she hissed once the dress was on and she started glancing around for her shoes, before she remembered they were still in the hall and they weren't hers to begin with. Hers were with the rest of her things in a bag by his bedroom door. Her eyes found it before she turned back to him. "You knew all this and you kept it from me until now, after everything that happened tonight!"

He reached out to her, trying to stop her but she nimbly avoided his hands and made for the door quicker than he could stop her. "I didn't mean to keep anything from you, Kate. It wasn't like that." he was saying as he trailed along behind her. "I just wanted us to have a nice night. I didn't want to ruin it with this."

"You didn't want to tell me about it because you knew I would be mad," she clarified.

"Of course I knew you would be mad. Mad is how you react to everything you don't like," he replied and it stunned herself enough that she spun back around to him.

"You don't think I should be mad about this?"

"Was it too much to hope that you might be reasonable!" he yelled, stopping just a step away from her.

"Reasonable?" she yelled back matching his volume and his biting tone.

"Yes, Kate. I know it's a stretch for you, but I thought there was a chance given everything's that happened between us."

"Oh my God! Really, Rick? Are you seriously trying to turn all this back on me?"

"I'm not trying to turn anything anyway. I'm just trying to deal with all this like a rational, reasonable adult," he retorted smugly and the self congratulatory look on his face made her want to hit him. He was so proud of himself for, for once, being the 'grown up', he didn't know what to do with himself.

"We wouldn't have to be dealing with all this at all if you had only managed to keep your-" she stopped herself before she finished the thought, afraid that saying what she was really thinking would only serve to make her look more immature in his eyes. "patience for just a while longer," she quickly amended.

"Patience?" he spat, nostrils flaring with his own anger now. "Do you really want to talk about how patient I've been through all this? I knew I was in love with you about two minutes after I met you and I've just been sitting back, bidding my time, because I knew if I so much as flinched towards you, you would be gone forever. Even now I'm terrified every second that I'm going to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing and you'll go running off as fast as you can. Do you even have any idea what it feels like to live like that?"

Tears sprang to her eyes, scalding hot tears that burned her cheeks as they fell. "I'm so sorry that falling in love with me has been such a burden for you, Rick," she managed around the lump in her throat that his words had caused. "But you haven't exactly been a picnic either. You are an insufferable, immature, arrogant, brat sometimes. Do you have any idea what it's like for someone like to me to find themselves falling in love with someone like you?"

He stepped back like her words had physically wounded him. "Well then, I guess I'm sorry I've been such a burden to you, as well," he mumbled once some of the color returned to his face.

They stood there forever, less than the span of a couple footsteps away from each other, yet feeling like they were on opposite sides of the world.

"This isn't my fault," he said breaking the long silence that had fallen over them.

"All you had to do was hold on just a little longer," she replied with a mournful nod of her head. "I just needed a little more time."

He stepped to the window and found something on the horizon to stare at. "I thought I lost you. I was just trying to move on."

She took hold of her bag and hoisted it to her shoulder. "What you did was give up on us. Which tells me that maybe you don't believe in us as much as you've always claimed to."

Then she turned and left him standing there, not wanting to hear anything else he had to say.


	15. Chapter 15

To Kate's surprise and dismay it was actually Victoria Gates that noticed something wasn't quite right with her. She'd done her best to put on a brave face. She'd thought she'd done well. Castle had come into the precinct and told them all that he would be gone for a few weeks on a book tour. She hadn't asked him to do. He'd done it all on his own, knowing how much it would bother her to answer question after question about his disappearance.

So now, she spent most of her days claiming to be 'fine'. It was an ingrained response now. 'I'm fine. He's fine. We're all fine.' She couldn't even begin to count the number of times it had been said.

She was the further thing from fine that she'd ever been. Days were spent on automatic pilot. Read this, question this person, console that person, investigate this. Everything happened without meaning. The world went on around her but without her.

The nights were the hardest. There was nothing to distract her at night. The first week, her nights had been filled with unending phone calls until she'd finally blocked his number from her phone. Now there was only silence to greet her when she finally made it back to her empty apartment. He'd shown up there a few times and she'd made it obvious she didn't want to see or talk to him. Finally, just when she was on the verge of threatening him with a restraining order, he'd given up and gone away. That was two weeks ago and thankfully, she hadn't heard from him since.

The one thing that actually kept her going were her suspicious of Morgan Daniels' motives. She just couldn't make the nagging feeling that something wasn't right, go away.

She really wished she'd taken the time to find out how they'd met from Castle. It might help her connect the dots that she was missing. And she knew she was missing something. There was something going on that she just wasn't seeing, some piece of the puzzle that wasn't adding up to her. Of course, she'd known exactly what that missing piece was. It was Castle. He was her missing piece. He was the thing that made everything make sense. He could always see the things that sometimes were too outside the box for her to noticed. He could always find the thread that pulled everything together and made it whole.

When her suspicions had finally proved to much for her to ignore, she'd taken a chance by asking a friend from another department to run a background check on Morgan. It wasn't something Kate was proud of. Using department resources for her own purposes was against everything she believed in. It went against all she stood for. And it was his fault. He'd pushed her to this. Her feelings for him had turned her into someone she could barely look at in the mirror anymore.

It also proved to be the thing that got her caught.

She was just returning to her desk after having been out all morning on a call, a few days after she'd made the request when Captain Gates stuck her head out of her office and demanded to see Kate inside immediately. The unwarranted, completely personal, background check was the last thing on her mind until she walked into Gates office and saw her standing behind her desk with a folder in her hand that had Morgan's name on the tab.

"Can you please explain what this is about, Detective?" The captain asked as she took her chair and eyed Kate over the rim of her glasses.

Kate had no idea what to say, so instead she shook her head. "No, sir, I really can't."

"Is this Morgan Daniels a person of interest in one of our investigations?" she pressed, waving the folder around.

"No, sir, she isn't." Kate replied.

Gates dropped the folder on her desk with a thump and shook her head. "I suspected as much when it came in from robbery. I couldn't help but wonder why robbery would be running a check on someone for us when we could do it ourselves, unless the detective having the check done didn't want anyone to know she was doing it." The older woman adjusted herself in her chair, leaning back and lacing her hands together at her waist. "Why is it that you didn't want anyone to know you were having this check done, Kate? Who is Morgan Daniels?"

Kate hesitated, still not sure how to go about explaining her actions. What she'd done was unthinkable, unconscionable and there was simply no excuse for it. Not a reasonable one anyway.

Gates watched her hesitation for a long time before leaning forward and giving her a knowing look that made Kate squirm in her chair. "This has something to do with the absence of Rick Castle in my squad room, doesn't it?"

There were suddenly tears stinging Kate's eyes and she was mortified by them. Suddenly her instinct was to run, to get away before the dam broke and she was falling apart.

Instead, Kate clutched the arm's of her wooden chair and gave a barely imperceptible nod.

Gates let out a sigh and leaned back again. "So, you used department resources for personal reasons," she surmised with a tired, disappointed tone to her voice that surprised Kate. She expected yelling. She expected a lecture and a demand for her shield and weapon, to be honest. Gates was well within her rights to suspend Kate on the spot.

But this reaction was far closer to what she'd have anticipated from Roy Montgomery, her previous captain and a man she considered a friend that understood her relationship with Castle.

Kate wasn't sure what to do with this so she remained silent, waiting for some kind of cue on how to react.

Gates didn't offer her one for a long time. She simply sat there staring at the folder with Morgan's name on it. When she finally did look back to her, Kate was still completely at a loss for how to define her expression. "Tell me what's going on. Why isn't Castle here? What happened?" Then she put her hand up and shook her head. "And don't lie to me or presume I'm stupid. Give me some credit. There's a reason I have this job. I know you've been sleeping together or were a few weeks ago."

Denying it hadn't even occurred to her after that. There was no point. This wasn't just Gates fishing. There was a firmness in her voice that said she didn't just suspect these things, she knew. She knew it all and Kate felt like an idiot for thinking that they had fooled anyone, much less Gates.

"Castle was seeing her for a while a couple of months ago." Kate said, sitting up a little straighter and pulling at the sides of the brown leather jacket she was wearing. "He broke up with her when we..."

She still was a little apprehensive about admitting their relationship out loud. Or maybe she just couldn't bring herself to conjure it all up by giving it a voice. For whatever reason, she let the rest of the sentence trail off.

Gates nodded at her, letting her knew that she got what she couldn't bring herself to say. "And then what? He left you and went back to her?"

Kate shook her head quickly, feeling a stab in her chest at the suggestion. "He didn't go back to her. At least he wasn't back with her last time I talked to him." She lowered her eyes and shook her head. "I really don't know what he's doing now."

Gates quirked her eyebrows up in question.

"She claims she's pregnant," Kate finally blurted out, letting the words trip over each other as they pushed past her lips.

"Oh," Gates answered and sat back again. "I see."

"I just think that there may be something else going on." Kate told her, finally feeling the need to defend herself.

"You don't think she's really pregnant?" Gates asked, her eyes now back on the folder.

"I don't know about that. I just know that I don't like her."

Gates chuckled. "Don't like her as a woman, or don't like her as a detective?"

Kate thought about that for a long time, really contemplating her feeling as objectively as she could. Then she sat up a little straighter. "I don't like her as a detective. My guts says something's not right."

Gates reached out and took the file in her hands. Then she adjusted her glasses and opened it. "Well then, let's see what we know about Morgan Daniels."

"Sir?" Kate asked, completely taken aback.

Gates glanced at her over the rim of her glasses again. "If you say something's not right, then something isn't right. I trust your instincts, Kate. And Mr. Castle is a part of my team. I may not think he belongs here, but he does seem to serve a purpose. If there is something going on with him, I want to know what it is, too." She looked back at the folder, then she added. "Besides, I've been in love. I get it."

Morgan was born and raised in a small Southern town. She'd stuck around New York after attending NYC on a scholastic scholarship. She'd held several minimum wage jobs, had a membership at a local gym, took a few classes here and there like pottery and yoga. All in all, she seemed very normal, very ordinary, which only served to further deepen Kate's suspicions.

"How did such an ordinary girl end up on the arm of someone like Castle? They certainly didn't run in the same circles socially. There's no prior connection that I can see that would suggest a rekindled acquaintance." Gates asked, giving voice to the things Kate was thinking as she perused the file with her boss.

"I was just wondering the same thing," Kate admitted.

"You never bothered to ask him how they met?" Gates wanted to know.

"No, we really didn't talk much about her. She was kind of a sore subject for me, so I avoided it as much as I could," she explained.

"When did he start seeing her?"

"A few weeks after I was shot, so about four months ago now," Kate answered.

"And how long did this thing with you and Castle go on?"

Kate felt herself blush, but pushed it away as quickly as she could. "We were together for thirty-six days."

Gates laughed at that. "Got the hours and minutes down to?" she ribbed at her.

Kate blushed again. "I'm sorry. I know I sound like an idiot."

The other woman waved her away with a flutter of her hand. "Don't. There's no need for that. Like I said, I've been in love, too." She sat the file aside suddenly and laid her glasses beside it. "What exactly were you two planning to do? Were you going to keep carrying on behind everyone's back for the rest of your lives? I mean, what was the plan?"

Kate sat back and took a deep breath. "We really didn't have one. We were just enjoying being together. I guess we would have to do something eventually, but we were okay like we were for the time being," she tried to explain.

Gates reached out and took her glasses up again, but instead of putting them on, she put one of the ear pieces in her mouth and began to worry it between her teeth. Marks on the other ear suggested it was something she did a lot and Kate thought she remembered seeing her do it on more than a few occasions. "I wish we had the name of her doctor. I, for one, would like a confirmation about this supposed pregnancy."

Kate shrugged. "I suppose pulling her financials would be out of the question?"

The glasses dropped and Gates leveled her with a stern look. "Yes, it would. I'm willing to help you as long as it doesn't take up anymore department resources. We can't just investigate this woman without cause."

Kate nodded. "I understand and I'm sorry for what I did. I know it was completely out of line and I would understand-"

Gates cut her off with a hand up to stop her. "I'm not planning on issuing any kind of disciplinary action against you, Kate, except to warn you against anything like this ever happening again. I think a verbal warning will suffice. Besides these are extenuating circumstances."

"I appreciate that, Captain and I can assure you that it will never happen again."

Gates nodded. "I know." Then she closed the file and the ear piece went back to her mouth like it was a subconscious move. "I am curious, though. I don't mean to get personal, but then all of this is rather personal so I'll just ask, if he didn't go back to her because of the baby, why aren't you together?"

Kate sighed. "I don't know. Because I'm angry."

"Angry at who? Him or her? Or both of them?"

She shrugged. "Both of them, I guess and at myself." Then she shook her head sadly. "I think I'm more angry at myself than I am at either of them, honestly."

"Why? You didn't have anything to do with her being pregnant. Them, I can understand, But why would you blame yourself?"

Kate shifted uncomfortably. She didn't do this under normal circumstances. It wasn't like her to air her dirty laundry with someone who was practically a stranger and more importantly a superior.

Gates must have sensed her dilemma because she put the glasses aside and sat back in her chair again. "I married my husband when I was twenty years old. I really thought I was lucky. I thought I'd found 'the one', you know?" Kate nodded to say she did. "I was so in love with that man that I just couldn't see anything beyond it. It was five years before I found out about all the women he had on the side." Gates paused and readjusted herself in her chair, obviously no more comfortable than Kate was when it came to sharing such personal things. Kate couldn't help but appreciate the effort she was making. "The thing that really got me wasn't the cheating by him so much as the betrayal I felt towards the people around me that had obviously seen what was going on, but hadn't said anything. And more than that, I felt like a fool for not seeing it myself for all those years."

Silence filled the room for a moment while both women contemplated that revelation. Then Kate cleared her throat and shifted in her seat. "I've known for a while how he felt about me. It's been a pretty obvious thing between us for years now. And I've felt it, too. To tell you the truth, I can't remember a time now when I wasn't in love with him." Her voice had taken on a low, raspy quality and she cleared it once again to try to sat it right.

"Then why haven't you been together before now?" Gates asked, clearly confused.

"It was my fault. I was always the one that backed off, pushed him away, kept him at arm's length. I thought I was protecting myself, or maybe I felt like I was protecting him. I'm kind of a mess when it comes to stuff like this."

"I may just be speaking for myself here, but I think that may come with the job." Gates joked. "You can only see so much before trusting people becomes hard."

"That's part of it, but not all of it in my case. I've been through some things that I've never really been able to work out."

"Like your mother's death?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "That's a big part of it. I've always had this purpose. I've always felt this need to find out what happened to her. It was like I had to do that before I could move on to anything else in my life."

"And now?" her boss prompted her.

"I still need to find out what happened to her. That hasn't changed. It probably won't ever change. But it occurred to me right after I got shot that my mother wouldn't have wanted me to put my life on indefinite hold for her. In fact, I'm pretty sure, she'd be really mad if she knew that was what I was doing. Unfortunately, by the time I made this realization, Castle had stopped waiting around for me. He'd spent years just standing there, bidding his time until I was ready for him, but then when I finally felt like I was, he'd moved on."

"You know, this is why I was so opposed to him being here. I mean, aside from the fact that he isn't a cop and I feel like he's putting himself in unnecessary danger by not having the training he needs to do this job. I just knew the minute I first saw the two of you together that this was going to get messy and complicated and it was going to compromise your ability to do your job."

Kate sat up straighter, immediately feeling the need to defend her partnership. "But he doesn't compromise my ability, he enhances it. Rick Castle has been an instrumental part of that high 'solve rate' you're so impressed with. I couldn't have done it without him. He sees things that none us even think about. He has this way of making things make sense when I can't. We work off of each other, fed each other."

Gates nodded solemnly and Kate took it as her cue to stand down, to apply the brakes on the praises she was singing more and more animatedly as she went along. She hadn't even realized she'd gotten out of her chair until she stopped talking.

"I understand. And Lord knows, I've heard all this before. Now the question is, is he still your partner? Can you find a way of working this out even if it turns out that this Daniels woman really is pregnant and it really is his?"

Kate flopped back down in her chair and let her hands fall to her thighs with a resounding thump. "I really don't know," she answered, tiredly. "I just don't know."


	16. Chapter 16

Kate Beckett had officially sunk to a new low. This is what rock bottom looked like, felt like. There was no other way to define it. She folded the newspaper she'd been pretending to read to a new page and peered around the side of it at the apartment building across the street from the cafe where she sat.

She'd been sitting here forever and with every passing minute, she felt more and more crazy, more desperate and unclean.

This was obsession, pure and simple. She knew what obsession looked like. She'd seen it over and over again in her work. Now, here she was completely caught up in her very own revolting vortex of compulsion.

Her heart rate jumped as the object of that obsession showed herself outside her building for the first time that day. Her long blond hair danced around her shoulders, whipped around by the wind as she pulled the sides of her cranberry colored cardigan closer to her chest and stepped onto the sidewalk in a pair of black, pointy-toed pumps. Her floral print pencil skirt hugged her tightly and Kate narrowed her eyes as she searched the woman for any outward sign that would show she really was as pregnant as she claimed to be. But of course, she found none. It was far too early for that. Kate knew before she even looked.

Morgan glanced up and down the sidewalk as she cradled her cell phone to her ear. Then her eyes seemed to light up as she spotted something coming towards her and she quickly clicked off the phone and shoved it into her pocket. Kate followed her line of vision and immediately wished she hadn't when she spotted Castle stepping quickly up to the young woman in a deep blue dress shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans that fit like jeans were supposed to fit.

They spoke for a few moments and Kate seriously considered following them. It was almost too tempting. The prangs of jealousy jumping around in her chest took turns between stabbing her in the heart and making her stomach roll with nausea.

When Rick reached a hand around Morgan and rested it on the small of her back as he guided them off to wherever they were going, Kate nearly jumped from her chair and shouted out in protest. She didn't want him touching her. She didn't want him walking away with her. She didn't want him anywhere near her, as a matter of fact.

This whole thing was turning her into a horrible, terrible person and the proof of that (as if there wasn't already ample proof) were her thoughts as she watched them disappear into the crowd. Her phone was actually in her hand ready to call him when she stopped herself. Her intention was on calling him and asking him to come over right then, just to see...

It was the 'just to see', that gave her pause. This insecure, insane, manipulating bitch was not who she was. And she wasn't about to let this thing turn her into that person.

No, she thought with a heavy sigh, but she would let it turn her into a criminal apparently, as she got up and headed off across the street to finish the mission she'd come her to complete.

She felt like vomiting as she flashed her badge at the doorman to gain entry inside the building. But again, it was a testament to how far she'd sunk. The testament to how far she'd go to keep from having to share Castle with this woman was found when she carefully and craftily picked the lock on Morgan's door and stepped inside the empty apartment.

Breaking and entering. She was fucking breaking and entering now. Her ability to reel herself in was completely gone. There was no one and nothing telling her that this was going too far. No one to pull her back from the line in the sand that she shouldn't even have thought about crossing. She was too far gone for any of that and she was all alone teetering on the ledge with no one to catch her before she fell over it.

Hell, she was already over it, flailing her arms and legs as she spiraled down into the bottomless pit of her reckless abandon. There were no rules for her now. There were no places she couldn't or wouldn't or shouldn't go. No voice of conscious that warned her she was crossing boundaries that might lead her to disaster. Her own inner Jiminy Cricket had abandoned her, moved on to someone he could save. She was beyond his reach.

She couldn't get past the empty, forsaken, abandoned feeling that had plagued her from the moment she'd walked out of Castle's loft for the last time, with the memory of the feel of his lips still fresh in her mind and the taste of his skin still fresh on her tongue.

And it was her fault. She was the one that walked away. She was the one that told him to leave her alone. She was the one that couldn't look beyond this thing with Morgan. She was the one denying herself what she needed to keep herself sane.

She'd seen this before, too. Mental patients who went off their meds on purpose, refused to take the prescriptions that made them capable of functioning in the real world. She'd always wondered at the motives behind that. And now she knew, insanity needed no motive for its agendas. It was simply that, insane.

She stepped into the kitchen and her eyes caught on the calender on the wall next to the refrigerator. She scanned the dates and notes applied in a messy scrawl in the little blocks provided there.

_Doctor's appointment 1p.m._, she read on today's date. She glanced at her watch and immediately deduced that that was where Castle was taking her.

Her mind conjured an image of the two of them sitting close together in cramped waiting room, waiting to be called back, while discussing things like baby names and nursery decorations and she almost lost her lunch again.

How was she supposed to get past something like this when every time she thought about it, it caused those kinds of things to play through her mind?

A noise from the back of the apartment made her nearly jump out of her skin. She'd been sure she was alone. Perhaps the sound had come from some kind of animal, a small dog or a cat maybe.

With shaking, tentative legs, she gingerly stepped towards the direction of the sound. Then it happened again and the familiarity of it disturbed her. She knew that noise. It was human, she was certain of that. There was no mistaking it for an animal now. And it was a noise that she was intimately familiar with, one she'd allowed herself to play over and over in her mind, a noise she'd reveled in, lost herself in, a noise that she'd thought was the most erotic, most overwhelmingly sensual, most dangerously intoxicating sound she'd ever heard.

As she stepped ever closer to the door, being forever mindful to stay as silent as possible, she heard it again and her mind protested the sound even as it registered in her brain. Castle was behind the closed door she was creeping up on. He was there and he was groaning the way he groaned when Kate ran her hands down his chest or glided her tongue across the spot right under his ear.

But it was impossible. She'd seen them walking away, disappearing in a sea of other pedestrians on the crowded New York sidewalk. He couldn't possibly be here now.

Her hand trembled violently as she reached for the knob, no longer caring whether she was discovered or not. She couldn't stop herself. She had to know for sure and the consequences that would be rendered because of her criminal act just didn't matter anymore. All that matter was proving that she was wrong, proving that her imagination was simply playing games with her. This was all inconceivable.

She gave the door a light push, just cracking it open enough to allow her to peer through the slit she'd created. And when she did, her entire world crumbled along with her legs and she slid to the floor, unable to hold herself upright on her rubbery knees.

Her eyes caught his shocked, electric blue stare as he peered at her over the petite blond woman's shoulder and he held her gaze even as she oozed down the wall that was the only thing holding her up any more.

Then his lips formed what looked like her name, but the roaring in her ears robbed her of the sound, as he tried to untangle himself from the naked woman in his lap to get to her.

The sharp, clipped sound of someone knocking on her door pulled her back to consciousness and took the ugly images from her mind. She wanted to jump up from the couch where she'd fallen asleep and hug whoever it was for all she was worth.

Taking a deep breath to get her racing heartbeat back under control, she got to her feet and pulled the door open.

Martha Rodgers stood with her perfectly manicure hand raised to knock once again even as the door was pulled away from her. She perfectly made up, normally smiling face was set in a deep, troubling frown as she dropped her hand back to her side.

"We need to talk," was all she said before brushing past Kate and admitting herself inside the apartment without waiting for an invitation.

"Alright," Kate answered uselessly as she closed the door behind her and followed her into the living room.

Martha was already seated in the deep burgundy, overstuffed armchair that sat beside the sofa when Kate caught up. Kate sat on the end of the sofa closest to her and watched as the older woman adjusted the lapel of her forest green suit jacket and ran a hand across her hair as if making sure she was all 'in order'.

"Can I get you something?" Kate asked, mindful of her manners. "Some coffee or tea? Maybe a glass of water?"

"Do you have any bourbon?" Martha replied and Kate answered with a nod and a smile as she got up to retrieve the drink.

Once she sat the glass of amber colored liquid down on the coffee table in front of the older woman, she retook her seat and settled herself in to hear what she had to say.

Martha took the glass she'd been offered, pulled a long, deep slug from it, then sat it down again. Kate noted that the glass was now half empty just from the single gulp.

"What in the name of all that's Holy is happening?" Martha demanded, bringing Kate's gaze from the glass back to her.

"I don't know what you mean," Kate answered, feeling like an idiot, because she knew very well what she meant.

Martha only answered by narrowing her eyes and sitting back further into the chair.

"Alright," Kate sighed. "I know what you mean."

"Of course you do," Martha nodded.

"I'm not sure what there is to say. You know what's happening."

Martha waved her hand in the air dramatically. "I know that that dreadful harlot is constantly on the phone with poor Richard, keeping him jumping like he's some kind of on-call servant with nothing better to do than answer her every whim. I know when he isn't leaping through her hoops, he's drowning himself in Scotch. He isn't eating. He isn't sleeping. And I know I have never seen him more miserable in his life. What I don't know is what we are going to do about it."

Kate shifted nervously and felt a wave of nausea roll upward in her throat. She swallowed it down and crossed her legs as she leaned back into the sofa. "We? I'm not sure what role I play in this scenario anymore."

Martha sat up, snatched her glass and downed the reminder of it, before sitting it back down hard enough that the sound made Kate jump. Then she reached out and put her hand on Kate's knee as she grabbed her stare with her own and held it determinedly. There was a reason this woman had been called captivating on the stage. She was every bit of now and Kate found it impossible to look away from her. "Your role in all this is the same as it's always been. You are the leading lady. The love of his life and something has to be done about that little tramp and her supposed hell spawn."

"Martha!" Kate gasped. "That 'hell spawn' is your grandchild."

She shook her head sending her orange locks waving around her shoulders. "And if it turns out I'm wrong about all this and the woman really is pregnant and it really is Richard's baby, then it's only half hell spawn and I might be able to work with that. I did wonders with Alexis after all."

"Martha," Kate gasped again, completely at a loss for how to respond to that.

Martha's offered her best long-suffering look. "Why does everyone insist on saying my name like that just because I'm the one person in the room that will say what everyone else is thinking?"

"So you aren't sure about all this either?" Kate asked carefully.

"Of course I'm not. Can I assume the 'either' means you share my suspicions?"

She thought about lying and telling her that she should go home and be as supportive to Rick as she could be. She knew, whether he admitted it or not, his mother's support was something he leaned on heavily in times of crisis. But Martha might just be able to help her. She had an inside track to the relationship between Morgan and Rick and Kate might be able to use the information she could provide to her advantage.

"I do," Kate nodded after a long, internal deliberation. "I don't trust her."

"Neither do I. Believe me, I can read people and I have never liked that girl. There's something fishy about her, mark my words. So what are we going to do about it?"

Kate leaned forward and suddenly her inner detective was in full control. "Why do you think she's fishy? What is it about her that makes you suspicious?"

"Well, she's entirely too possessive of Richard, for one thing. She's never given a flip about whether Alexis or I wanted her around."

Kate chuckled. "That doesn't necessarily mean she's up to something." Then she shifted and swallowed hard before continuing on. "Are they together? Is he seeing her again?"

Martha grabbed Kate's knee again and gave it a squeeze. "No, no, Dear. It isn't like that at all. He just sees her because he feels obligated to help her. So she calls him at all hours of the day and night for all manner of things and he runs off like it's his duty."

"It is his duty, if he's really the father of her child," Kate muttered.

"But he's not. He just can't be. I know him, Kate. He's more careful than that. He knew when he started dating that woman that she was just a stand in for you. Don't you ever forget that," she assured her.

"How did that happen? I mean them dating, where did he meet her?"

"At a book signing at a little out of the way place in Brooklyn. Richard only went there as a favor to the owner. Apparently they go to the same gym and the man told Richard he was going to have to close his store because a large chain had moved in just down the block and he couldn't compete." She paused and eye her empty glass. Kate refilled it quickly before she had a chance to ask and Martha took a drink before continuing on. "You know how Richard feels about these little Mom and Pop shops. He says they're the backbone of the literary community. So he offered to do a signing one night to help him drum up business. Then he talked to his writer friends and got them to offer up a night, too and it worked the man says his business is booming now all thanks to my Richard." Martha beamed proudly.

"So she came in to get a book signed?"

"Richard said she never asked him to sign anything for her, but he saw her there. Then Richard went to a cafe to get something to eat before coming home and she was there, too. They started talking and before he knew it they were having dinner together."

"She followed him to the cafe after the book signing and he didn't think that was weird?" Kate asked, disappointed that he would be so naive.

"You know Richard, trusting people is his downfall. He probably thought it was some elaborate coincidence and never gave it a second thought."

"He should know better than that after working with me. Rule number one is there are no coincidences."

"Well I've never put much stock in the idea either. But he doesn't always reside here with us on Planet Reality."

"Still," Kate shifted again, not liking the thought of him being so reckless. "You would think after all the things he's seen working at the precinct, he'd be more careful."

"You know," Martha said, taking another drink. "I like the fact that working with you hasn't changed him. I like that he still believes in the inherent good in people. One of the things I was worried about when he started following you was that he would become jaded and cynical."

Kate tried not to take the statement personal or at least to not let Martha see that she'd brushed against a nerve with her unintentionally hurtful comment. But Martha was far sharper than that and no sooner were the words out of her mouth than her hand went to her chest and her face took on a horrified expression. "I'm not saying that I think you're jaded or cynical, Dear."

"It's okay." Kate gave her a smile of reassurance. "I am jaded and cynical. It comes with the badge."

"I don't think you are nearly as hard-edged as you pretend to be."

"Maybe not," she acknowledged with an indulgent smile. "But I know what you mean about Castle. I've seen how it still amazes him sometimes to see the things people do to each other."

"So you can understand how this woman may have been playing him from the start. And to be honest with you, I think that is exactly what's going on here."

"You think he's her mark?" Kate asked, sitting up straighter.

"I think that may be a possibility." Martha nodded. "It isn't like he's not a person of certain means, if you catch my meaning."

"Has she done or said anything outright that might make you think that her motive in all this is his money?"

"Not openly, of course. But I did overhear Richard on the phone with his attorney the other day. I don't know what they were discussing for sure. But I'd bet you anything that he's setting up some kind of fund for that woman or her child."

Kate thought about that for a while. "Has he said anything about a paternity test?"

"Well, it's far too early for that now. And every time I bring up the subject, he brushes me off like he doesn't want to hear it."

"How far along is she?" Kate asked, still not liking the vile taste in her mouth the whole subject brought.

"She's ten weeks. The earliest the test can be done is thirteen weeks, but most doctor's would prefer to wait until the middle of the second trimester." She explained.

"So I take it you've been doing research on the subject?"

"I've been reading everything I can get my hands on about the subject," Martha confirmed. "He's getting that test done as soon as possible, whether he likes it or not."

"You don't, by any chance, know the name of the doctor she's seeing?" Kate ventured.

"I don't, but I can find out," she assured her. She drained the last of her bourbon and moved as if she were about to get up, but she settled herself back down before she finished the thought and captured Kate's gaze again. "He's different, Kate," she said, her voice uncharacteristically quiet and edgy. "There is just something different about him. I don't know how to explain it, but he's not himself. There is something wrong with him."

Kate perked up immediately, coming to the edge of her seat quickly. "What do you mean by different?"

"Like I said, he isn't eating. He isn't sleeping. I suppose I could blame it all on those things, but it's like he's not there. There's no one home behind his eyes anymore. He doesn't joke. He doesn't laugh. He hardly has time for Alexis, let alone me. I know he's tired but he's never been too tired or too busy for Alexis before." Kate was shocked to see the welling of tears in the older woman's eyes and she noted that her hands were suddenly shaking. Whatever was wrong with Castle, it had Martha scared.

"I'll talk him," Kate announced without hesitating. "If it's something other than sleep and food deprivation, I'll find out and I'll make him get some sleep and something to eat."

Martha snatched Kate's hands in hers and squeezed them. "He needs you, Kate. You may be the only one that can get through to him. God knows, Alexis and I both have tried until we're blue in the face."

"Why haven't you come to me before?" Kate asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

"Richard would kill me if he knew I was here now. He made us promise to leave you alone. He said you would come back when you were ready, but it's been weeks and I didn't know where else to go."

It was Kate's turn to feel to tears stinging her eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been gone so long. I'll figure out a way to fix this. I promise and I'll find out what Morgan is really up to," she swore with every bit of conviction that she could muster.


	17. Chapter 17

"Kate?" His voice was cracked, shaky, a hollow version of its normal timbre and it drew her closer to him on instinct. Made her want to put her arms around him and hold him until he was complete and wholly himself again. Because this carbon copy of him wasn't right. She knew that already and she'd only just stepped into his den.

The lighting in the room was terrible, casting the entire space in a combination of darkness and shadows that only served to leaving her feeling more troubled. The only illumination came from the fire roaring in the fireplace. The fire that, at first glance, she thought was real even though the weather outside was far too warm for it. As she moved closer she saw that it was an illusion, made to simulate the cozy warmth of the real thing. The fire was like him, an illusion and only good enough to pass if you didn't examine it too closely.

He sat crumpled in an old, worn, leather armchair that held just enough of a hint of brown to make it not black. His shoulders were slumped. The shirt sleeves of his deep purple dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows revealing his bronze, masculine forearms that rested on the arms of the chair. His long fingers cradled a tumbler filled with what she assumed was Scotch. His chestnut hair was rumbled and messy and nothing at all like she was accustomed to seeing it. His eyes, sunken into his handsome face, were smudged with dark circles and like his voice, seemed hollow and not at all like him. Normally they were bright, alert and sparkling in the intensity of their blueness. Now they were dull, lifeless and empty.

She took another step closer. It was a hesitant step, filled with uncertainty and lamenting the wavering of her conviction in coming here. What was she thinking? She shouldn't be here. She didn't want to see him like this.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, giving voice to her silent thoughts as he set his drink on the clunky, dark wood coffee table in front of him and got to his feet.

When he took a step towards her she had to dig her heels into the burgundy colored carpet to keep herself from running the other direction. The very air in the room was too emotionally raw for her to draw it into her chest. Under any other circumstances, she wouldn't be here. This was too much for her. She didn't do scenes like this. If he were any other man in the world, she would be walking, no, running away as fast as she could.

But this was Castle and all her rules got thrown out the window when it came to him. When it came to him, nothing was too much for her to handle. She realized with startling clarity as she looked at this broken, beaten-down shell of the man she loved, that she would walk through fire if that's what he needed of her.

Moving without thinking, she came to stand within arm's reach of him and managed to muster a soft smile. "You look like hell, Rick."

He just stood there looking at her for a long time before he turned his back on her, grabbed his drink and slumped back into his chair. "Yeah, well," he spat, at last. "I haven't been getting much sleep."

"I heard," she nodded, coming to sit on the edge of the coffee table. Her knees brushed his and he glanced at them before sitting up straighter to give her more room.

"You heard? Which one was it, Mother or Alexis?"

"It doesn't matter," she answered, not willing to give up her source. "What matters is that I'm here now and I want to help."

"Help with what?"

"Whatever you need." She told him, reaching out to take his hand.

She thought he was going to pull away from her. "Why? I thought you didn't want to see me again. I thought we were done." And there was that hollowed, cracked, broken voice again.

She gave his hand a squeeze. "Do you really think that we will ever be done?"

He sat up before getting to his feet, maneuvering around her carefully like he was afraid of touching her. "Are you here because one of them came to you and made you feel sorry for me or are you here because you love me?" he asked, as he put his empty glass on the fireplace mantle, sitting it between a picture of Alexis and some award plaque that was displayed there. Then he turned back to her and she shifted to see him better. "I need to know what you being here means. I don't want to dance with you anymore, Kate. We've been dancing for years. I'm tired and my feet hurt, so if you aren't here to settle in and enjoy the music, I think it would be best if you just leave."

She couldn't help but smile. "I'm here because I love you."

"And you're here to stay?"

She stood slowly and took a step towards him. "I'm not going anywhere."

Still he didn't close the small space that separated them. "You're okay with everything? Morgan and the baby? All of it?"

"Okay is a strong word. But I can accept it if it means having you back in my life," she answered, deciding it would be best to keep her suspicions to herself for the time being. He wasn't in the right state of mind to listen to her anyway.

He ran his hand through his hair and began to pace across the white rug that laid in front of the fire. She watched him with growing concern. Everything about him seemed so foreign and alien it was like she was looking at a different person wearing his body.

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," he was saying almost under his breath.

His reaction surprised her. Wasn't this the part where he took her in his arms and kissed her? Wasn't he supposed to be telling her that he loved her, too and had missed her terribly? "I know you didn't, Rick," she said soothingly. "I just needed some time to think."

Finally, he stopped and when he turned back to her his expression wasn't anything like what she expected. He looked angry. His cheeks were flushed and his nostrils flared as he folded his arms over his chest and stared at her. "What happens next time something happens that you don't like? How long will it take you to think it through next time? I can't go through this every time things don't go our way. I can't lose you every time you get upset."

She understood where he was coming from, saw his point, even. At the first sign of trouble, she ran just like she always did and it mattered very little that she'd come back. What mattered was whether or not she would run next time. And she honestly had no answer for him. It was instinct for her, the running, the escaping to her safe place.

"I can't promise that I'll never leave again. You know that," she said. "I can promise to try to be better at this, but there really isn't any other assurances I can give you."

Still he didn't move towards her, actually he took a few steps back as he eyed her suspiciously. "I don't know, Kate."

"You don't know what? Whether you want me here or not? Is that what you're saying?" she asked, stepping back as well.

His hand went through his hair again, ruffling it further still. "I don't know what I'm saying anymore."

"Rick, you know me. You had to know this wouldn't be easy when we started this. I'm trying. Surely, that counts for something." She wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't expected this from him. Her own ego astounded her as she stood there with her mouth open and no words coming out. What had she expected? Did she think he would just fall to the ground and praise her for gracing him with her presence once again? What was she thinking? She was the one that left him. She ran from him and now she was here without so much as an apology for that. Why did she think he'd react any differently?

Her feet carried her closer to him of their volition and she didn't fight against them. She'd never found herself in this position before. Suddenly she felt like the bad guy and she wasn't sure how to fix it. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, unsure whether the simple words would be enough, but hoping they might at least make a dent in his resistance.

"Is this how the rest of our lives are going to play out? With me chasing you and you running away? I can't live like that, scared that you'll leave and knowing I'll go crazy when it happens." He told her, still holding himself at arm's length.

"What do you want from me?" she asked, trying to hide her shaking hands by wringing them together.

"Promises that I'm not sure you're ready to give," he mumbled as he stepped around her and went back to his chair.

Now she felt the first stirrings of anger breaking through the edges of her concern for him. "What gives you the right to decide that? I'm here. That means something, or it should. I said I'm sorry. That should mean something, too. I'm promising to try to be better at this and I'm telling you that I love you and I want to make this work."

All at once, he shook his head as if he were trying to shake loose the thoughts running through it. Then he was on his feet and before she had a chance to react, his arms were around her and he was pulling her into him. "Of course it means something. It means everything. I love you, too."

Then he was kissing her like she'd expected him to before and she let her confusion at his behavior fade as she sank into his kiss. He was holding her. He said he loved her. That was all that mattered for now. Everything would work itself out as long as they just held on to each other.

He deepened the kiss as he pulled her backwards, tugging her with him as he moved towards the couch. She almost let him, having lost most of her ability to think now that the memory of his kiss was fresh in her mind again. She stopped him when his hands began to work at the buttons on her shirt.

"Rick," she groaned, trying to pull out of his embrace. But he just held her tighter and ignored her protests. She said his name again, this time giving his shoulder a push as well as she tried to get his attention.

He found her eyes with his finally and looked at her questioningly. She was relieved to see that, while they were still tired-looking and dark ringed, they were also brighter now and more alive. "What?" he whispered as his mouth went back to her neck again as if he couldn't stop himself.

"Alexis and your mother," she said, even as her head lulled back on her shoulders to give him better access.

He stopped instantly, stilling so suddenly she nearly cried out in protest. "I forgot," he smiled, a brilliant, mischievous smile that made her heart leap in her chest. "I guess this wouldn't be a good idea here, huh?"

She pulled further away from him, distancing herself enough to make logic something she could deal with again. "Well, there's them and the fact that you need a shower." She wrinkled her nose and gave him a teasing smile. "You smell like a brewery."

His eyes widened in indignation. "Yeah, well you smell like..." He struggled for a moment, before diving his face back into her shoulder and nibbling at her skin again. "Who am I kidding? You smell so good," he groaned between kisses and bites.

She laughed and pushed him away again. He let her go and took her hand in his. "Alright, let's go get a shower," he suggested.

"And something to eat?" she asked, hopefully.

He shook his head. "The shower I can live with because it means you will be there and you'll be naked and wet and soapy..." his voice trail off as he tried to pull her into him again. She resisted and instead continued to led him out of the room. "Food just isn't on my list of things to do at the moment. Maybe later."

"Is that right?" she asked, lowering her voice seductively. "I guess we'll have to see about that."

* * *

><p>The hot water rained down on her back as he held her and she sighed in contentment at the combination of the feel of the water and the way his tongue was dancing inside her mouth. His hold tightened as her skin became wetter and she started to slid out of his arms. Her legs began to slip from their resting spot around his hips as the water made it harder and harder to keep a solid grip on slippery skin.<p>

Finally, he put her on her feet and turned her towards the shower. She threw her head back and let herself become soaked. His arms came around her and he held her back to his chest as his hands cupped her breasts and slipped over her hot, sleek skin. His thumbs brushed over her already, rock hard, straining nipples and she groaned and wrapped her arm around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair. His body was wet too and she loved the feel of his soaked skin against hers. His hand came to rest right at her pelvic line, poised just above her center and she squirmed a little against him, eager to feel him touching her. His other hand was at her hip, holding her tightly against him, so closely she could feel his chest moving as he breathed.

"God, you are so beautiful," he whispered against her throat before letting his lips brush kisses along its column.

He took a second to move one of her legs out a little before letting his soapy hand move down to her throbbing center. With his thumb flicking over her tight bundle of nerves and his finger buried inside her, she reached out with one hand to brace against the wall while the other tightened its hold in his thick, wet hair.

"Rick," she groaned as he began to increase the pressure of his thumb and the speed in which he was moving his finger. He let another one join the first and she arched back into him. Just like every time with him, she felt like an priceless instrument in the hands of a master musician. His touch was reverent and loving. He was a master at playing her body and bringing out the most beautiful symphony of feelings inside her.

Her climax didn't crash into her like it normally did. Instead it just seemed to roll through her body in a wave of ecstasy that made her legs threaten to give out under her. But he was right there, holding her against him, promising her without words that he would never let her fall.

When it was over and she managed to bring her body back under control. She gave one last shudder before turning in his arms and leaning up to kiss him.

As she did, she maneuvered herself around, pushing him until his back was against the shower wall. Then she reached up and grabbed the sponge from the holder attached to the shower head, added a bit of soap to it, and lathered it up in her hands before bringing it up to his shoulders.

She dragged the sponge along his skin slowly as she carefully made sure not to miss an inch of his flesh. She took a great deal of time with his chest. God, she loved his chest. The hair splattered across his pecks, normally too light to really notice but now darkened by the water, intrigued her and she watched in fascination as the soap's bubbles clung to it. She traced over the lines of his abs, bumping over each of them in turn before turning her attention to the divot in his body created by his pelvic bone.

His head was resting against the shower wall and his eyes were closed as he let her do whatever she wanted to him.

Her hand trailed further down his body and she heard him hiss as she brushed the sponge gently over the tip of his hardness, a hardness that looked painful in its intensity.

She dropped down to her knees, still using the sponge to soap up his legs. He opened his eyes lazily at the change in her position and reached a hand out to her shoulder as he smiled down at her.

Her eyes locked on his as she flicked her tongue across the tip of his throbbing length and he let out a low growl from between clenched teeth. Then, still keeping her eyes on his, she ran her tongue down the underside of his hardness before wrapping her hand around its base. He dropped his head back to the shower wall and closed his eyes as a groan fell from his lips this time. She started moving her hand, slowly at first, up and down his entire length, pausing at the base to give it a squeeze before resuming her journey. His eyes were still closed and his lips slightly parted. His chest was rising and falling a bit more rapidly now and he occasionally sucked in a sharp, quick breath that made his whole body jerk at the movement. She wrapped her lips around him and took him as far into her mouth as she could, before slowly, ever so slowly, drawing him back out, just to repeat the movement all over again. She was so caught up in watching him she almost forgot what she was doing. The muscles of his arms flexed and relaxed in tandem with the rhythm of her mouth. The dark, lustful, almost pained look on his face made her toes curls with wanting him.

Suddenly, his hands dropped heavily to her shoulders and slid around her arms, dragging her up the length of his chest. His eyes opened and he stared at her for a moment before he kissed her once and stepped out of the shower, leaving her standing there alone and having no idea what had happened or where he had gone.

Before she regain her senses and started to go after him, he was back, covered by a condom and looking at her hungrily. Then before she had a chance to say a word, he grabbed hold of her ass and pulled her up so quickly there was nothing she could do but wrap her legs around his waist.

He cupped her bottom in his hands as he swiftly shifted them so that her shoulders were resting against the shower wall. Then he was inside her, plunging in so deeply it took her breath away, both with the abruptness of the whole thing and with the unbelievable feeling of pleasure that tore through her body.

There was something decidedly different about him this time, something primal and hungry that she had never seen in his eyes before and it very nearly scared her in its intensity. His hands dug into her skin, fingers flexing into her flesh almost to the point of pain. He was moving inside her and it wasn't easy or gentle or careful like he'd been the other times they were together. It was hot and torrid and frenzied and it ripped a long, throaty groan from the very pit of her stomach. He was making noises, too, grunting with each thrust he made into her. They were strong, powerful, deep thrusts that shook her entire body and jarred her teeth with their force. Her hands found his hair and she wrapped her fingers into it, pulling it slightly and causing his eyes to flash at her with a brand new ferociousness and making his body push even harder into hers.

Seeing the positiveness of his response, she tried to experiment a little, tugging at his hair harder and garnering a more intense reaction from him every time.

He was like a wild animal, his body plunging so rapidly and punishingly into hers, accompanied by a series of grunts that made her whole body quiver. There was no tender touches shared between them this time, they had done all that before. There were no murmured words of love exchanged, they both knew how they felt about each other. This was more than that. Something far removed from making love and much more primitive and feral. Untamed and abandoned.

The water fell over them as they bucked into each other, Kate now meeting each of his movements with her own, joining him on whatever plain of existence he had suddenly fallen into. They barely noticed the water, or the fact that it was no longer hot. They barely noticed anything besides their bodies grinding together and the sounds coming from both of them. No names screamed out in passion or moans offered up to higher beings. The capacity to form coherent words was beyond them both. The pure, unmitigated lust that course through them consumed every part of their minds and took over there souls as the strove towards the only goal that mattered to them at the moment, an end to the torture, a release.

When it arrived it blocked out everything else from their world. Nothing existed anywhere but the two of them and the powerful abandon that engulfed them both.

Then it was over in a rush that came on so swiftly it nearly caused them both to fall to the slippery, wet shower floor.

He was panting as he continued to hold her and somehow he manged to summon up the ability to shut the water off and get her out of the shower without stumbling or killing them both in the process, though she could feel his legs trembling and shaking under their combined weight. He made it was far as the other side of the shower door before he had to set her down. Then he slid to the carpet in a boneless, useless heap and she joined him, unable to do more than that herself.

His arm came around her and she still couldn't understand where he was finding the reserve of strength needed to make any movement at all. The pure physical exertion of what they had just experience had left her fully incapacitated. Her insides trembled with tiny little aftershocks in the wake of the intensity of what she had just lived through.

He turned his head to the hers and dropped a lazy kiss to her shoulder before giving her a smile.

She tried to smile back drawing on every bit of what was left inside her to make to gesture.

"God, I missed you."

"I missed you, too, Rick," she answered with the very last reserve of her strength.

* * *

><p>AN - I wanted to take a second here to ask all of you to be patient with me over this story. For some reason Fan fiction dot com does like this story. New updates are taking between 12 and 24 hours to reach you. This chapter was posted and the new notices about it were sent out, but the links to it weren't good until several hours later when they finally got around to actually making the chapter available. And the worse part of all this is that I've sent several email to the support staff here at fan fiction dot com and they have steadfastly ignored me, not even bothering to send me a reply to say they are working on the issue. I understand that they are busy, but a simple acknowledgement of the problem from their end doesn't seem that out of line. Honestly, if the problems I'm having with this site continue, I will be moving my account to a site that can better handle technical problems when they arise.


	18. Chapter 18

"I see Mr. Castle has rejoined us," Victoria Gates was saying as she closed her office door behind Kate.

Kate and Castle had only just arrived at work and the boys, Ryan and Esposito were gathered around their buddy welcoming him back jovially. Gates had caught Kate's eye and motioned her into the office while everyone was preoccupied.

"Yes, Sir. You asked me if I could still be his partner and I decided that I could," she nodded.

"And what about his whole Morgan mess?" she asked as she rounded her desk and took her chair while gesturing towards a seat for Kate.

Kate took it. "It's still a mess. But I decided that even if it is all true and there is no conspiracy, I can live with it."

"So, now not only do I have an untrained civilian back in my precinct, but I have a civilian that's personally involve with my officer?" Gates intoned, looking at Kate from over the top of her glasses which were perched on her nose.

Kate blanched and sat up a little straighter. She hadn't been expecting the reaction. After the other day, she thought they'd made a certain amount of headway. Now it seemed that might not be true and Kate was at a lose for what to say. She decided to play a hunch and hoped it would work out for her. "I don't know anything about a personal relationship, Sir. I just know that Castle is my partner and that having him here hasn't been a problem before. I don't see why it would be now. Nothing has changed."

Gates chuckled and slipped her glasses off. "That's your story and you're sticking to it?"

"Yes, Sir," Kate nodded dutifully.

"Well, then tell Mr. Castle that I said welcome back." The earpiece of her glasses slipped between her teeth. "Off the record, I'm glad to see that you've managed to work everything out. I was hoping it would be the decision you'd make."

Kate shifted, relaxing now that it seemed she'd given the right answer. "Off the record, when I really thought about it, really, really thought about it, it was the easiest decision I've ever made." She told her honestly.

"Have you made any headway in your investigation? Checked into the doctor? Gotten him to agree to the paternity test? Anything?" she asked, still worrying the earpiece between her carefully lipsticked lips.

Kate hesitated for a moment, then sat up on the edge of her chair, leaning towards her Captain conspiratorially. "Can I ask you something?" she said tentatively.

"Of course," Gates nodded.

"Why do you care? You don't like Castle. I know you don't approve of him being here. I just don't understand why this thing with Morgan matters to you," she said after a moment. It was something that had been bothering since their previous conversation in this very office. She still couldn't see the Captain's angle in all this, why it mattered to her as much as it appeared to.

Gates dropped her glasses to her desk and sat back in her chair, but didn't answer for a long time. Her eyes were fixed on something outside the glass section of her office wall and Kate let her gaze track to whatever was holding her attention so firmly. She was watching Castle and Ryan and Esposito where they were crowded around Kate's desk, laughing about something Castle was telling them.

Finally, Gates dragged her eyes back to Kate. "If you tell him I said this, I will deny it, but he seems to have a way of growing on you, doesn't he?"

Kate's face broke into a smile. "Yes, he does. You know, I didn't like him at first either. I didn't want him shadowing me. I thought the same as you, that he had no business playing cop. I honestly thought he was going to get himself killed, or get one of us killed."

"What changed your mind?" Gates asked, her eyes back out the window again.

"He did. He is really good at this job. I've never found anyone I work with better than I work with him. We just click. I don't know why it works so well, I just know that it does and I've learned not to question it," Kate explained.

She sat up suddenly, causing her chair to groan at the suddenness of the movement. "To answer your question, and again, I will deny it if you tell anyone I said this, but I care about what's happening with him. I care as much as I would if it was one of you someone was playing with. I'd want to know and I'd want to put a stop to it. So if Morgan Daniels is playing him, if he is her mark, I want to know and I want to put a stop to it. No one messes with my people like that and whether I like it or not, Rick Castle is one of my people."

Kate sat back and crossed her legs. "You know it really bothers him that you don't like him. It's not something he's used to, people not liking him."

"I know," Gates answered. "And that it why he doesn't get to know that isn't true. I'm just doing my part to keep him humble."

Kate laughed. "Well, then I appreciate the effort. I can use all the help I can get on that front. Keeping him humble is a full time job."

"I gathered that much the first time I met him." Gates agreed and smiled back at her. "Now tell me what's happening with the case. Where are we?"

"We haven't discussed the paternity test. That can't happen for a few weeks still so I didn't see the point of pushing it yet." Kate explained. "The doctor's name is Burns. Alicia Burns. I was going to check her out the first chance I got to get away from him. As for Morgan, she knows I'm staying with Rick most of the time now and the calls have tapered off. She isn't keeping him jumping like she was when I wasn't around according to his mother and daughter, but she still calls at all hours and I'm planning to see what I can do about that when I get a chance as well."

"What exactly are you planning to do about it? Tell me you aren't going to go after the woman." Gates said with concern.

"I have no intention of going after her. She's pregnant and even if she wasn't, I'm a cop. I don't things that way. I'm planning on intercepting one of these calls and letting her know that I'm there and I'm watching her."

Gates picked up her glasses and again the earpiece was back in her mouth as her face took on a thoughtful expression. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"I'm sorry?" Kate asked, sitting forward again.

"Maybe it's better to let her think that you're going to go along with whatever Castle wants. Let her see that you aren't planning on making waves. You might be able to catch her off guard that way." Gates suggestion. "She might be more careful if she knows you think something's going on."

"You might be right," Kate agreed after some thought. "I just hate letting her think she's won, even if it isn't true."

"Sometimes, playing the fool gets us more than making sure people know we aren't ones." Gates told her sagely.

"I see your point." Kate nodded.

"Alright, let me see what I can do about getting you a few hours free time. I want to know about this doctor."

Kate got to her feet. "How are you going to do that? You aren't going to make him leave, are you? He'll be so hurt. He just got back."

"I won't send him away, but we do have all those surveillance videos we need to go over from the Holston case and Mr. Castle does have an amazing eye for detail. I think I'll put his skills to some good use."

"Oh, he'll love that, Sir. I'll let you know what I find out." Kate promised.

The doctor's office was a exactly like every other doctor's office Kate had ever been in. Chairs and couches in muted beige colors lined the wall in the small space with tables, covered in outdated magazines featuring pictures of smiling babies and obviously pregnant woman, scattered throughout. The two solid walls were papered in a tasteful, bland pattern and the linoleum tiles under her feet were beige as well. The door she came through was surrounded by a wall of glass on both sides and the one to her left held two doors, one of either side of sliding window with a ledge that held a clipboard and a pen for signing in.

Well, Kate thought to herself, at least she knew now that the doctor was legitimate.

She wasn't sure what to do next. She knew that even if she showed her badge, the nurse couldn't release any patient information to her without a warrant and there was no way she was going to get a warrant. She had a wild thought about going to one of the judges Castle considered a friend and telling them the whole story in hopes of getting one, but if she followed through with that plan, Castle would know she was investigating Morgan and she couldn't let that happen.

She hadn't even shared her suspicions with Ryan, Esposito or Lanie. Actually, she'd been steadfastly avoiding Lanie lately, having little doubt that she would know Kate had her suspicions the minute the subject was broached. She'd never been able to keep things from her friend.

Needing a minute to formulate a plan, Kate took one of the chairs in the waiting room. One of the women sitting there looked up when she sat and gave her a smile. The woman was far enough along in her pregnancy that it was unmistakable. Kate smiled back at her politely before going back to studying the room and thinking.

"Is this your first time seeing Dr. Burns?" the woman asked, as she folded the magazine she'd been reading to her chest.

"Yes, it is," Kate lied. "What can you tell me about her? Is she a good doctor?"

"Dr. Burns is a miracle worker," the woman beamed happily. "We were told we would never be able to have children, but," She patted her extended stomach. "Dr. Burns proved everyone wrong."

"You mean you weren't pregnant when you first came to see her? I thought she was an obstetrician." Kate sat up a little straighter, suddenly very interested in the conversation.

"Oh, she is, one of the best, actually. But she's also one of the best fertility specialist in the city," the woman explained. "How far along are you?"

"I'm sorry?" Kate asked, not understanding what she was asking at first, then remembering the lie at the last second. "Oh, just a few weeks."

A nurse in pink scrubs stepped out of one the doors with a folder in her hands and called out a name loudly enough to be heard over the television playing off in one corner and the buzz of quiet conversation happening throughout the room.

"Well, congratulations," the woman said as she gathered herself and got to her feet. "That's me."

"Thank you," Kate mumbled distractedly as she watched the woman waddle off.

A fertility specialist. The information only added to Kate's suspicions instead of quieting them. Now there were more questions that needed answers. Was Morgan here for fertility treatments or because of her pregnancy? Was she pregnant when she first came here or was that something that Dr. Burns had helped happen?

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She grabbed it and answered it even as she got to her feet and left the crammed waiting room.

"Beckett," she said as soon as it was to her ear.

"I just found out something very interesting about Morgan Daniels that I think you should know," Martha said in a hushed tone, but without preamble.

"Okay," Kate prompted her. "What is it?"

Again, her voice was little more than a whisper when she spoke. "She has a cabinet full of prescription pills and even I don't know what all of them are and I'm in show business."

"How do you know that?" Kate asked, suddenly suspicious. "Where are you, Martha?"

"I'm in her apartment," she answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Get out of there, now. Before she comes home and finds you." Kate insisted emphatically.

"She isn't coming home anytime soon. She's at a doctor's appointment, or at least that's what her calendar says," Rick's mother waved her off.

"A doctor's appointment?" Kate asked, with a sudden sheen of sweat breaking out across her forehead.

Her mind recalled the dream she'd had only a few days before and she closed her eyes and shook her head against the similarities.

"Yes, she has an appointment at ten. She'll be gone for a while." Martha told her.

Kate glanced at her watch as she spun around towards the exit hastily. It was almost ten now.

"Get out of her apartment. You are breaking and entering."

"Look, we need answers and this is the quickest way to get them. Do you know anything about the drug Bravelle? It's something she's injecting."

Kate's step faltered. She wasn't sure what the drug was, had never heard of it, but she had her suspicions.

Then Martha gasped and Kate nearly stumbled at the sharp, tense noise. "Oh, Kate, I think we may have bigger problems than we imagined."

"Why?" Kate hissed. "What did you find?"

"Kate?" a woman's voice said from behind her and Kate turned and found herself face to face with Morgan.


	19. Chapter 19

Kate had only a fraction of a second to paint a smile on her face before she turned to face her. But by the time she looked down at the petite blond with the barbie doll face, her grin was plastered in place and nerves were steeled enough to make lying credible.

"Morgan, fancy running into you here," she said in her sweetest voice.

"What are you doing here?" the other woman asked her. Though she was smiling, there a suspicion to her tone that set Kate on guard.

"I'm investigating a case. How about you?" The lie slipped easily past her lips, mostly because it wasn't really a lie at all. Kate just chose not to share that it was Morgan she was investigating.

"This is my doctor's office. I hope she isn't who you're investigating." She reinforced her smile and the saccharine quality of her voice.

"You know," Kate shrugged. "I can't really talk about it."

Morgan seemed to accept that. "I've been wanting to talk to you, actually. I'm glad we ran into each other."

"Really? About what?"

"About this whole situation. I really want us all to get along, if we can. I was thinking that maybe we could get together for dinner sometime, you know, talk everything out," she suggested.

_When hell freezes over_, Kate thought inwardly. Outwardly, she deepened her smile and gave her a polite nod. "I'll talk to Rick about it, see what he thinks. I'm sure we can work something out."

Kate's phone rang and she glanced at it. Then, seeing that it was Martha calling her back, she shoved it in her pocket and ignored it. "I really should be going. I need to get back to the station."

Morgan stepped in front of her blocking her from leaving. "I know this whole thing is strange. But I really think it would be best for the baby if we all learn to accept each other. Maybe we could even be friends?"

Kate almost laughed in woman's face. She only just managed to bite it back at the last second. "Like I said, I'll talk to Rick. We'll call you and set something up," she said, hurriedly as she stepped around her and left before anything more could be said. In her mind she was thinking, _Oh maybe you can discuss it with him the next time you call him at two in the morning because you need a pint of ice cream._

On the sidewalk, she grabbed her phone and quickly dialed Martha back as she walked away from the office building.

"Did you hang up on me?" Martha asked the minute the call connected.

"I'm sorry. I just had a little run in. What are our bigger problems?"

"I'm sending you a picture of them." She told her. "I found them in a closet."

"Found what?" Kate asked.

"Plants. She's growing some kind of plants here and it isn't weed. I know what those plants look like. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me, I know. These aren't them."

Kate got into her car and clipped her seat belt into place before starting it. "Are you sure you didn't just run across the woman's herb garden?"

"Look, I'd like nothing more than to find out that's what I found. But if it is her herb garden, why is it hidden in closet? Wouldn't it be better out in the sun instead of being grown under a bunch of florescent lights?"

It was a good question and she was right, the whole thing did sound suspicious. "I'll have a look and find out what the plants are. But you need to get out of that apartment. I can't help you if you get caught. You're on your own."

"Oh Sweetheart, I'm already out of there. I left right after you hung up on me. I'll see you when you get home. Kiss my son for me. Bye," she chirped before hanging up.

She was back at the station by the time she got the message telling her she had a picture to view. Castle was sitting in his chair next to her, ankle crossed casually over his knee as he leaned on his elbow and sipped at his cup of coffee while playing with something on his phone.

She glanced up at him as she retrieved her phone from her pocket and he smiled at her around his cup.

"You look bored," she commented.

He shifted in his chair and his brows furrowed together in the center of his forehead. "I have a headache that I haven't been able to get rid of for days."

"Have you tried aspirin? I've heard that helps sometimes," She smirked at him.

"Yes, I've tried aspirin," he replied mockingly, going so far as to stick his tongue out at her.

"Maybe it's a tumor," she suggested unhelpfully, almost unable to keep from laughing in anticipation of his response.

"It's not a tumor!" he said emphatically with a thick Austrian accent, quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger in his role in the movie _Kindergarten Cop_ which they'd just seen a few days before.

She picked up her own coffee and drained the last of it before shoving it towards him. "I'm out of coffee. Will you get me a refill?"

"What am I your assistant now?" he asked, though there was humor in his tone.

"Yes, and when you're done with that, I need some copies made and maybe you could take down a letter to the Mayor about this problem I've been having."

He stopped on his way to the break room where the coffee machine was located and turned back to her. "What problem?"

"I've been babysitting his pet project for nearly four years now and it's getting annoying," she answered without missing a beat.

He gave her a humph. "Just for that, I'm not frothing your milk."

"Oh no," she called out to his retreating back. "Just plain coffee with cream and sugar, how will I ever survive!"

"You two seem to be getting along well," a new voice said over her shoulder and Kate turned to find Lanie leaning against the desk beside hers.

"Wow, since when do they let you out of the basement?" she smiled and got to her feet to give her friend a hug. She hated that she felt as if she needed to avoid her lately. Kate really missed her.

"Oh, they didn't let me out. I escaped. But I only have a few minutes before they figure out I'm gone and come looking for me. How are you? I feel like I haven't seen you outside of the morgue in ages."

"I'm good. Things are good," she replied, taking her chair back.

Lanie took up Castle's recently vacated spot. "Things are good?" she repeated with raised eyebrows making it into a question.

"Things are really good," Kate said with nod, catching her meaning. She was subtly asking her about her relationship with Rick, something she'd always been a fan of. Lanie had been one of Castle's loudest cheerleaders right from the start.

"I'm so glad to hear it. See, I told you everything would work out, didn't I?" she said, unable to resist her 'I told you so' moment. "I'm so happy you're happy. You deserve it."

"I'm gone for five minutes and you give my chair away to the first hot chick that comes along!" Castle announced teasingly as he stepped up the desk with her coffee in his hand.

"Watch it, writer boy," Lanie warned him with a smile. Then she got to her feet. "I was just leaving anyway. You can have your ole' chair. But you," she turned her smile on Kate. "Call me later. We'll get drinks. I want to catch up."

"I will," Kate promised. Then turned back to Castle when she was gone. "I thought you said you weren't going to froth my milk?" she said as she looked into her very frothy cup of coffee.

"I decided I loved you enough that it didn't matter. I'll always froth your milk, no matter how mean you're being."

"Ah," she gushed. "That's so sweet. I don't know what to say."

"Thank you works for me. And a nice I love you, too never hurts."

"Thank you and I love you, too," she said.

He sat back in his chair and crossed his leg again. "If you don't mind me saying, you seem to be in an especially good mood today. Care if I ask what's causing it so I can see about making it happen more often?"

She thought about that for a minute. She really was in a good mood and she wasn't sure why that was. Maybe it was simply because he was there with her and she told him as much.

"I've missed you, too, Kate and I'm really glad to be back here."

She didn't really get a chance to look at the picture of the plants until a while later. She didn't recognize them right away, so she managed to slip away from him again as subtly as she could.

She knocked on Gates' door and waited for the Captain to get off her phone and wave her inside.

"What did you find out about the doctor?" she asked, immediately as she replaced her phone in it's cradle.

"Well, she's not just an obstetrician. She's a fertility specialist as well. One of the best if her patient can be believed." Kate told her taking up her usual chair in front of the desk and handing her phone over.

Gates glanced at the screen, then quickly back up at Kate. "What is this? Where did you get this photo?"

"Why? Do you know what those plants are?" she asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"Those are Jimson weed," Gates answered authoritatively.

Kate took the phone back and studied the leafy plants. Martha had been sure to get a close up of the white flowers the plant yielded and Kate's gaze caught on the yellow centers. "What is Jimsom weed?"

"Where did you get the photo, Detective Becket?" Gates asked again and suddenly Kate's attention was all on her. Her tone was all business now. Kate felt her good mood slipping quickly away as she studied her Captain's stoic expression.

"It was taken in Morgan's apartment," Kate said.

"How did you get a photo from inside Morgan's apartment? Was it illegally obtained?" Gates sat forward, firing off the questions in quick succession.

"Yes, Sir, it was. But not by me. Castle's mother took the picture and sent it to me. What are these plants?"

Gates gave a huff of frustration before sitting back in her chair again and rubbing her hand across her forehead. "Those are the plants that the drug Scopolamine is derived from."

"Scopolamine? Why does that sound familiar?" she asked, sitting up straighter still.

Gates sighed. "Twilight sleep," she said. "They used to use it during labor and delivery."

"So it's a pain killer?"

"No, Scopolamine was the ingredient in the mixture that caused the memory loss. They mixed it with Morphine or Demerol and something else. Anyway, the woman would come in in labor, they'd give her the shot and she'd wake up hours later with a baby and no memory of how that happened," Gates explained. "My mother had me with twilight sleep. A lot of women did back in the sixties and seventies. It was the drug of choice back then. Left the mother completely conscious with all her faculties in order to deliver the baby, but with no memory of the pain afterward."

"Is it an illegal drug?" Kate asked.

"No, it's not a narcotic, not yet anyway. The question is what is Morgan Daniels doing with it?"

"What does it do?"

"It's used for motion sickness in very small doses. It's even been used as an anti-nausea drug in patients undergoing Chemotherapy, but again in very small doses. It's what it does in higher doses that has me concerned."

Kate shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "What does it do in higher doses?"

"It does pretty much the same thing as Rohypnol or GHB. Memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment." She sat up and caught Kate's eyes with hers. "In South America, they call it the 'Zombie Drug'. I have a few articles that have been circulated around to us saved. I'll send them to your computer. You need to read them, Kate. It's frightening stuff." She paused and sat back again. "The problem is also the same as with Rohypnol and GHB, the test for it has to be administered very quickly because it leaves the system quickly and it takes a highly specialized test to detect it. Plus, it isn't illegal to possess Scopolamine like it is the others."

Kate felt her mouth go dry as she looked out the window that made up Gates wall and found Castle sitting at her desk, again, playing with his phone. "What do you think she's using it for?"

"Anything she wants. That's the scary part," Gates said, solemnly.

"There's more." Kate pulled her attention back to her Captain and shook her head to clear the dark thoughts that were forming there. "Martha also found a cabinet full of prescription drugs. One of them was something she's been injecting called Bravelle."

"I've never heard of it, but an internet search should tell you what it's used for," Gates suggested. "I'm more concerned about this Scopolamine angle. Watch him, Kate. Don't leave him alone with her. I know that might not be easy, but it's your best chance of keeping him safe."

She glanced out the window again and found him this time engaged in a game of toss with Ryan and Esposito. They were throwing a soft, spiked, neon yellow stress ball back and forth between them. She caught him glancing around quickly and trying to right a lamp on her desk that was nearly knocked over when he missed his catch. "I wonder if maybe I should just tell him about what I think is happening. I don't like keeping things from him like this."

"You have no proof, Kate. He'll just think you're jealous and if she's using the Scopolamine on him there is no telling what kind of things she's putting in his head when he's most susceptible to listening. There have been some studies that say the drug can be used to implant subliminal suggestions."

Kate got to her feet quickly, nearly knocking her chair over in the process. "What! Are you saying she might be using some kind of mind control on him?"

Gates got up as well and held her hand to quiet her. "I don't know that. I don't know what she's doing, but if she is drugging him with Scopolamine, we need to know and fast."

Kate went back to her desk in a considerably darker mood than she'd left it. Her eyes went to her blank computer screen and she itched to sit down and start searching for the answers to the questions filling her mind, but one look at the chair beside her desk stilled her impulses and she gave him a warm smile instead.

"Are we almost ready to go home?" he asked like a bored child. "There is nothing going on here."

She sat down and glanced at the lamp on the corner of her desk that was now sitting several inches away from it's position when she left. "Ah, I'm sorry no one has murdered anyone today to keep your mind occupied. I'll bet the criminals are doing it on purpose just to mess with you."

"I bet they are," he huffed, frustrated.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you're pouting because no one has taken anyone's life today," she advised him.

He sat up and planted a smile across his lips. "You're right. We should be celebrating. Let me take you out tonight. We'll go dancing and have dinner. It'll be fun."

She chuckled. "It sounds fun, except for the fact that we can't be seen together in public like that. I enjoy my job. I assume that you like being here, as well."

His shoulders slumped. "I'd forgotten about that. Okay, how about this? We can go to your place tonight. Rent a movie, make some popcorn, order a pizza. We may even get around to watching the movie at some point." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and she smiled at him in return.

"Now that sounds like a plan."


	20. Chapter 20

There was something pressing into her back and she didn't know or really even care what it was except for the fact that it was taking a bit of her attention away from the feel of his lips skirting over the sensitive skin of her throat. She tossed her head back and accidentally banged it roughly against her apartment door in the process.

His hand came up to the back of her head and he cradled it gently. "Careful. A concussion might kill the mood," he smiled before capturing her lips with his.

"Well, if you'd let us get inside, we wouldn't have to worry about it," she replied.

"If you weren't so unbelievably sexy, I'd have better control and we might be able to make it inside," was his answer as he went back to her throat.

"Castle," she said, giving him a little push.

He let her go, but only long enough for her to turn towards the door. Then he had her again, arms around her waist as he yanked her back into his chest. She fumbled with her keys and ended up dropping them when his tongue swirled against the nape of her neck. One of his hands was cupping her breast, thumb scrapping across her already hardened nipple and despite the layers of her bra and shirt between them, it sent her whole body shuddering.

She wavered, her knees weakening dangerously and she was grateful that his arms were there to hold her up as he buried his nose in her hair and inhaled deeply.

The clanging of the keys hitting the ground got his attention and he bent to grab them for her. Then he found the one for her door with considerably steadier hands than hers and opened it.

He followed her as she went inside, meeting her step for step and not stopping until the door was closed behind her. The moment it was, he spun her around to face him, pressing her into it once again.

Her hands fisted in his shirt and tugged on it as she tried to get to the skin hidden beneath. He already had hers bunched up under her arms so he could get to her breasts. He cupped one in his palm while his mouth engulfed the other, tongue sliding over the material of her bra as if he were trying to pull the flesh through the lace to get to it.

His hips ground into hers, driving her mad with the feel of his hardness brushing over the thin material of her slacks. The hand on her breast dropped to the curve of her leg and massaged her ass while bringing her leg around him, letting it rest of on his hip like it was made to fit there.

That was how everything was between them, like it was made to fit. Her breast rested perfectly in his palm, filling it without overfilling it. His tongue fit perfectly against the roof of her mouth, again, filling it without overfilling it. Her chest molded to his, both the perfect height to compliment the other, neither overpowering the other. His mouth fit exactly right over the curve of her shoulder with unmatched precision. His hand wrapped around her thigh like her body had been molded with that thought in mind.

She groaned as she felt the button of her pants give and he dropped her leg long enough to yank them out of his way, causing them to tangle in a heap around her feet. She stepped out of them, along with her shoes and kicked the the entire bundle aside before going to work on his pants.

As she was occupied with that, he managed to remove the top half of their clothing with little fuss. Then he rid himself of the rest of his own clothing and kicked the pile away just as she had.

Once there was nothing left between them, he paused and took a moment to just look at her before letting his head drop to her breast again. "I love you," he muttered before taking it into his mouth, this time without the lace to hinder him.

She gasped and threw her head back against the door as his tongue swirled around the tightened bud of her straining nipple. He left it throbbing and aching when he moved to the other one, giving it the same attention until her hand came up and tangled in his hair.

Her grip was vise-like and she used it to bring his mouth back to hers, wanting to taste him once again. This time it was her tongue against the roof of his mouth, bumping over his teeth and relishing in the feel of his sucking in a sharp breath when her hand moved between them and brushed the tip of his hardness.

"Kate," he groaned as he suddenly whipped her around and pressed her body into the hardness of the door. Her breasts flattened against it as his body pushed into her back.

His mouth went to her shoulder again, completely engulfing the curve of her neck as his tongue lapped at her flesh.

The feel of her moan was still on her lips when he was all at once pushing inside her. His name replaced the moan as her hands splayed against the wood of the door and her back arched into him.

His movements were quick, swallow and hard, each thrust crushing her into the door with a force that nearly stole her breath. One of his hands cupped her breast. The other glided down the length of her body until it wiggled its way between her and the door and found her center. She bucked into him the moment his finger brushed across the tight bundle of nerves there and let out a long, low, guttural sound that she wasn't even aware she was capable of making.

He shifted, pulling her even further into him and managing to hit a spot inside her that made every muscle in her body clench at once. He groaned and did it again, liking the response and then continued to do it over and over until she completely lost herself to him.

For those few moments in time, he was all she knew, all she cared about. He was her entire world, and nothing existed beyond what his body was doing to hers.

A handful of moments later found them both slummed against the door, both still holding each other in a twisted heap of tangled limbs as their chests fought to draw in enough air to sustain them.

"So," he said with a quiet chuckle and more than a little merriment in his voice, "How about that movie?"

They laid together in another, albeit less messy, heap of limbs as they wrapped around each other and watched the credits rolling on her television screen. She barely remembered what they'd watched and that was mostly due to the feel of his roaming hands covering her body and his velvety tongue caressing and exploring every inch of her he could get to.

When he twisted enough to kiss her, she could still taste the lingering remains of salt on his lips from the popcorn they'd already disposed of.

"I could used to this," he whispered into her hair when his head dropped back to the arm of the couch where it had been resting. She was laying in front of him, her body stretched down the length of his with her back pressed into his chest.

"So could I," she agreed, bringing her hand to where his was laying across her waist and entwining her fingers in his. She then brought his hand to her lips and brushed them over his knuckles.

He let out a loud yawn. "I think it might be bedtime," he murmured, trying to shift his way out from behind her and off the couch.

She sat up to give him a better chance of managing the move without falling on his face. When he got to his feet, he held his hand out of her and instead of taking it she smiled up at him. "I have some things to do. You go ahead. I'll be along soon."

The disappointment was evident on his face and he didn't bother trying to hide it. In fact, he was nearly poking his bottom lip out when he said, "You want me to go to bed without you?"

She chuckled. "Only for a little while. I won't be long."

He leaned down to kiss her as if he were using that as a source of persuasion. When she didn't budge, he smiled, ran his hand through her hair one last time and started off towards the bedroom.

The minute she heard the bedroom door close behind him, she was up, going to her forgotten clothes, still in a pile by the door and retrieving her phone from the pocket of her slacks.

She pushed the buttons that brought up the picture of the plants that Martha had sent her earlier in the day and studied it for a long moment. Then she went to the coffee table, grabbed her laptop and came back to the bar in the kitchen. After pushing aside a now empty pizza box, she opened it and brought up her e-mail.

_Intake of the drug leaves the victim fully conscious and functional, but also open to suggestion and strips the victim of his/her freewill and intelligence. This is much used with prostitutes who take it when __with unsuspecting customers. This could be used as a rape drug. _

_In recent years the criminal use of Scopolamine has become an epidemic in Colombia. Approximately one in five emergency room admissions for poisoning in Bogota, Colombia have been attributed to Scopolamine. _

_In a bizarre case, a band of female thieves would apply the drug to their breasts and lure the potential victims to lick their nipples. "Losing all willpower, the men readily gave up their bank access codes. The thieves held them hostage for days while draining their bank accounts." _

Kate felt her stomach tighten and clench as she continued to read case after case of the some of the most bizarre criminal activity she'd ever encountered. One account said the victim, under the influence of Scopolamine helped his robber load his things into a van. Another victim was found to be under the influence of the drug when he committed a convenience store robbery he had no memory of.

The accounts were terrifying and she closed the e-mail before reading through everything Gates had sent her. She'd read enough to know that something was going on. She seen enough to know that, if Morgan was using the drug on Rick, Kate would make her pay for it, dearly.

Next on her list was a search for the drug, Bravelle. What she found troubled her even further.

_Bravelle is a human follicle-stimulating hormone. It works by stimulating the ovaries to produce eggs_, she read and it chilled her blood to the core.

A theory was developing in her mind, and while it was still just a theory, the thought alone caused her pulse to race and a white hot flush of rage to spread over her checks.

"Kate?" His voice startled her and she quickly slammed the lid of the laptop with a resounding bang. Rick glanced it before turning his eyes back to her. "Are you okay?"

His concern pushed back the anger, helped her to recover herself and when she looked up at him it was with the warmest smile she could muster. "I'm fine. I was just coming to bed."

He was standing in the hall wearing a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt that fit tightly across his chest. His hair, mussed from sleep, was untamed and wildly sticking out in several unkempt directions. "What have you been doing out here? It's two in the morning."

She hadn't realized she been there that long. She'd lost herself in her reading, but her watch proved he was right. It was easing up on two o'clock. "You know, research for a case." She shrugged as nonchalantly as she could manage.

"What case?" he asked, stepping closer and pulling his hand through his hair to straighten it. "Maybe I can help. I didn't realize we had any case that would be keeping you up at night."

He was right. There was little going on at the station and certainly none of it would affect her to the point of sleeplessness. "This is just something I'm working on on my own. A cold case."

"A cold case?" he raised his eyebrows at her. "Is this about your mother's case?"

"Maybe," she lied, grabbing onto what he was giving her and using it to her advantage. Truthfully, and she wasn't sure why, but she hadn't thought about her mother's case since they admitted their feelings for each other. She hadn't meant for that too happen. But happiness had derailed her, then the matter of Morgan took away her attention. She just hadn't had the time to stop and think about the case in a while.

"I thought we said we were going to table all that for the time being," he pressed, standing close to her now, close enough she could smell the faint scent of soap on his skin.

"No," she corrected him. "You said that was what we should do. I never got a chance to agree. Suddenly there were 'I love you's' and other things to think about."

"And now that the dust has settled, so to speak, you want to dredge all this back up?" he asked, putting his arms around her.

"I was just going over a few files. I can't believe you aren't as ready to find the person that shot me as I am."

He turned the swivel based stool she was sitting on around, bringing her to face him and kissed her. "I don't want you doing this, Kate."

"What?" she asked, pushing him away. "Why the hell not?"

He sighed and looked at her with grave intensity in his eyes. "Because last time you started poking into all this someone shot you."

"I'm not going to let that stop me. That's exactly what they want. If I do it, then they win," she lamented, her voice growing in volume as she spoke. She hadn't even been working on the case, but suddenly she felt very motivated to dig it all back up.

"You're talking about this like it's some kind of game. This isn't a game. You're only alive because I happened to be there to keep you that way. It was an off chance, me seeing that glint of metal in the tree-line. What if next time we aren't so lucky?"

"So because you're scared I'm suppose to just drop the whole thing and let my mother's murder go unsolved?" she demanded with her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing with ire.

He sighed like the whole mess was just making him tired and rubbed his eyes. "That's not what I want and you know it," he said in a tone that mirrored his expression. "I just don't want to risk losing you again. I can't. Not now."

He came to her and she let him wrap his arms around her. It was a struggle, but it was late and really she was tired, too. Fighting with him was the last thing she wanted. "I understand. I don't want to lose you either. I really do get it, Rick. But you have to understand that I have to know what happened to her. I have to know why someone took her from me. I can't just let that go."

"Can't you just let it go for a little while longer? This whole mess with Morgan and Gates hating me and Alexis going off to college in a few months, I have so much going on right now. I know it's selfish of me, but can't this wait?"

She buried her fingers in his hair and kissed him. "It can wait for now," she answered his hopeful look. "But this isn't over. I will find out who killed my mother and who shot me. I won't just let it go forever."

He shook his head. "I don't expect you to," he confirmed. "Just give me a little time and we'll work on it together. We'll figure it all out. I promise."

She agreed to that. Despite the fact that she hadn't really been working on the case, she always knew she would go back to it as soon as she found the time. But he was asking her for something and that was a rare thing. He never asked for anything from her, never complained about his worries. It was the least she could do for him, giving him this one little thing. Besides, she much more pressing matters to concern herself with. Like finding out what the hell Morgan Daniels was up to and putting a stop to it.


	21. Chapter 21

It was such a silly, stupid, little thing in the grand scheme of everything that it shouldn't have bothered her and she was trying, God, was she trying, not to let it.

After snapping at Ryan and Esposito for what had to be the fifth time in less than an hour, she realized she was failing miserably.

The stack of paperwork tormented her from its place in her in-box, which was still far, far more full than her out-box, something she was doing her best to remedy. She'd been at it for a few hours now and concentrating was becoming a problem.

The morning had started out like every other morning lately. She woke in Castle's bed, had coffee with the people that were quickly becoming a family to her. She'd read the paper, showered, gotten dressed. All very normal, just like every other day.

Except that it wasn't just any other day and the thing that was really bothering her was that Castle hadn't remembered. Rick hadn't said a word to her to indicate that he even knew the date or that it was supposed to be important. For a man that claimed to know her so well, how could he forget something like that? How could he possibly overlook the fact that it was her birthday?

Neither Ryan nor Esposito had said anything either. If it hadn't been for a phone call from Lanie on her way in to work, she would have believed there was some kind of conspiracy going on.

She'd never been one for making a big deal out of the day. Growing up, her mother was the one that made the day special. She made all the plans, made a cake, bought presents, even arranged some memorable parties when she was very young. Kate clearly remembered a clown at one. But since her mother's death the day hadn't ever been what it once was. Still, a nice little, 'Happy Birthday' wasn't too much to expect.

"We're all going down to the deli on the corner for lunch. Want to join us?" Ryan asked, temporarily occupying Rick's chair. That was another thing that was bothering her. Before they'd made it out of the apartment that morning, Morgan had called and Rick was there now, doing God knows what. She hadn't heard a word from him since he'd gone his separate way on the sidewalk outside his building. She didn't like leaving him alone with her. But she had been due in court that morning and there was no help for it.

"Just bring me back something," she answered, not bothering to look up from her computer. "I really want to get through all this paperwork today."

"I really think you should come with us. You need a break," he pressed and she glanced at him suspiciously.

"I'm fine, really. Just bring me my usual. I'll eat it here." She told him.

He gave a defeated a sigh and left her, shaking his head sadly.

A moment later, Esposito slipped into the now empty chair with a look of exasperation on his face. "Come out to lunch with us. It's our treat," he offered.

"I'm really good here. I'm not even hungry right now."

From a couple of desks over, Victoria Gates put her hands on her hips and sighed just as Ryan had only moments before. "Oh for God's sake, they are trying to be subtle. Just get up and come with us."

Kate finally looked up, noticing for the first time all people standing in a messy circle around her desk. Ryan was shifting his weight from one foot the other nervously. Esposito had his arms crossed over his chest glowering at her in disapproval. Gates still had her hands on her hips and a look of utter vexation on her face.

And now Lanie was stepping out the elevator with a package in her hands.

"Are we doing this?" she asked, looking from each of the people in turn. When her eyes found Kate she sighed loudly. "Let me guess, she's being difficult."

"Of course she is. She's always difficult." Esposito said narrowing his eyes at her and deepening the furrow between his brows.

"Is that supposed to be your scary face?" she asked with a chuckle.

He frowned immediately and dropped his arms to his sides. "It was, yeah."

"I do not want to go to a restaurant so you can have the entire wait staff embarrass themselves on my behalf," she announced, surmising the plan and trying to put a stop to it.

She looked around at everyone again, all her friends. The only thing missing was her family, her Dad, Rick, Martha and Alexis.

"Just come on. I won't let them have anyone sing to you. Let us take you out of lunch," Lanie pushed, insistently.

She glanced at the empty chair beside her desk. "I should wait for Castle to come in. I wouldn't want him to miss out."

"Where is he again?" Ryan asked, stepping a little closer to her and closing the circle around her.

"He had an errand to run, but he said he'd be in when he was done."

"Alright, we'll give him half an hour to get here. Then we're taking you to lunch with or without him." Gates made the decision for the group.

All but Lanie dispersed from her desk area, off to find something to do for the next few minutes.

Her friend took up Castle's chair like she always did when he wasn't already in it. It was something of a war between them. Or maybe the fight over the chair was just Lanie's way of telling Rick that he might be her best friend now, but he wasn't her only one. He would have to share.

She handed the box she was holding over and Kate accepted it with a gracious smile. "You didn't have to get me anything. You know I don't really do birthdays."

"I know, but I do, so deal with it." Lanie told her.

Kate unwrapped the tasteful wrapping paper from the box and pulled the soft pink cashmere sweater from the it. "It's beautiful, Lanie. You shouldn't have done this."

"So where is Castle?" Kate opened her mouth to answer but Lanie waved her off before she got the chance. "I know the official story. I want the real one."

"I don't know exactly where he is," Kate lied. "But he said he would be in today."

"What did he get you?"

"Nothing and I'm not expecting anything. He knows how I feel about birthdays. I'm sure he's trying to respect that." Kate told her, still trying to convince herself that it was his reason for ignoring the date.

"Uh-uh," Lanie muttered under her breath.

"What does that mean?" Kate asked, tucking the sweater carefully back into its box and sitting it aside.

"It means that Castle lives for crap like this. Don't be surprised when you find out he's got something planned," she explained.

Kate shifted. "I've already talked to him today and he didn't so much as wish me a 'Happy Birthday'. I think he may have forgotten."

"Who forgot what?" Ryan asked, butting his nose into the conversation.

"Kate thinks Castle forgot it was her birthday. I don't buy it," Lanie answered, giving him a sideways glance.

"Castle doesn't forget stuff like that. I'll bet he's got something big planned. Espo, do you think it's likely that Castle forgot her birthday?" he called to his partner who was scanning over something on his computer.

"Not a chance," he replied without hesitating or bothering to look up from his work.

"See? He didn't forget." Ryan said decisively as if Esposito's opinion settled the whole thing.

"It doesn't matter if he did. I don't care," Kate answered.

"Call him and find out whether we should wait for him or not," Lanie suggested.

Kate rolled her eyes and dug her phone out of her jacket pocket to make the call.

The sound of his voice mail answering caused her concern to grow, but she managed to hide it from the people around her who knew nothing of what was really happening in her personal life with Rick.

She left a short message telling him to call her. Then she glanced towards Gate's office and found the woman sitting behind her desk. She gathered up an armload of paperwork. "I need to get these signed. Don't you all have better things to do than worry about what Castle is planning?" she said, before getting up and heading off to Gates.

Once inside the office, she shut the door behind her and slumped into the chair in front of the desk. "He's with her and now I can't get him on the phone," Kate announced immediately.

Gates took off her glasses and narrowed her eyes at her. "You let him go off alone with her?"

"I had court this morning and she called just as we were leaving. I didn't have a choice."

"Do you need to go find him?" Gates asked.

Kate thought about that for a moment. How would she explain it to him, her leaving work to go track him down just because he didn't answer his phone when she called? He knew nothing of her suspicions about Morgan. She would come off looking like some desperate, needy girlfriend who freaked out just because he was out of touch for a moment. "I can't go tracking him down. How would that look?" she answered finally.

"But he's with her and we already know she's up to something. Is it a good idea to just leave him to fend for himself? There's no telling what's going on right now. What if she's using the Scopolamine on him?"

These were exactly the questions Kate had been struggling with all morning. Still, she couldn't see a way to make it not suspicious for her to go after him. Then a new idea occurred to her and she grabbed her phone and pushed the number that would connect her. "I can't hunt him down, but I know someone who will without thinking twice." She told Gates.

Martha answered on the second ring and it only took Kate a moment to explain the situation to her.

"Oh Dear," Martha replied. "Of course, I'll find him. You sit tight. I'll call you as soon I do."

Kate hung up and was in the middle of stashing her phone back in her pocket when it started to ring. She glanced at the screen before answering it.

"Happy Birthday," her father told her before she even had a chance to say hello.

"Thank you, Dad. That's really nice of you."

Gates picked up her glasses and went back to the paperwork in front of her, giving Kate a bit of privacy.

"I hope you haven't made plans. I'd really like to take you out to dinner tonight," he said.

"That's sound good. I'll see you around six?"

"Six it is. I'll see you later."

Once she hung up, she replaced her phone in her pocket and settled back in her chair. "He forgot," she said and she couldn't explain why saying that out loud made her stomach clench just a little.

"Who forgot?" Gates asked, looking up and once again setting the glasses aside.

"Rick. He forgot my birthday."

"Are you sure he isn't just playing with you, pretending to ignore it while he bakes up some elaborate plan for later?"

Kate leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "I considered that, but the thing is, he's like a five year old, keeping secrets like that drives him crazy. There is usually some hint, some sign that gives him away."

"Well, forgetting something like that isn't like him at all. I don't know him that well, but I do remember Ryan's birthday. I had to put a stop to it before there was a full-fledged party going on in my squad room. I can't imagine that he wouldn't do the same or more for yours."

Kate sat back quickly. "This is silly. I don't even care that he forgot. I don't do birthdays. It shouldn't be bothering me this much."

"It bothering you because it's so out-of-character for him. He's not acting like himself and we both know who's responsible for that," Gates surmised knowingly.

"What am I supposed to do if Martha can't find him? Do I go looking for him myself?"

Victoria sat back in her chair and narrowed her eyes. "If it was my man out there with that woman, I'd already be looking for him."

She left the office feeling no better than she had going into it. In fact, now she was questioning her judgment in letting him go off after Morgan like she had. Maybe she should have argued with him. Maybe she should have tried to persuade him to wait until after court so she could go with him. She was trying to play it cool where the other woman was concerned. She didn't want Morgan to know that she knew she was up to something.

Rick was a smart man. He saw things that people normally didn't and his time with her had made him suspicious as well. If she fought him over Morgan, it would raise red flags for him. He knew her well enough to know that she wasn't the jealous type. He'd know that she thought something was going on.

"Something is bothering you," Lanie guessed when Kate hadn't said anything for a long while. "Tell me what's happening. I know something is."

Kate almost waved her off without thinking about it. They had agreed to keep their relationship outside of work to themselves. Gates was the only one aside from his family that knew about them and that hadn't been intentional. Rick didn't even know that Gates knew about them. So many secrets and lies, they were building up faster than Kate could keep track of them all. She hated secrets. She hated lying to her friends, keeping things from them. And Lanie knew something had changed between them. Kate had been very foggy on the details, but her friend knew there was something different.

"Have lunch with me tomorrow and I'll tell you everything," Kate told her friend. "It's not something I can talk about here."

"How about drinks after work?" Lanie pressed, not wanting to wait on her dose of gossip.

"I'm having dinner with my father tonight."

"Call me when you get home. I'll come over and I'll bring liquor."

Kate shook her head. "I'm not sure I'll be home tonight."

"Where else would you be?" Lanie asked, leaning towards her and suddenly her eyes flew open wide and a smile took over her entire face. "I knew it! Kate Beckett! How could you keep something like that from me?"

Kate put her hand up to hush her friend before she alerted Ryan and Esposito. "We haven't told anyone about us. We're trying to keep it under wraps. So lower your voice."

Lanie nodded and sat back but the grin didn't slip from her face. "How long?"

"A while. It's complicated though. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow," Kate explained in hushed tones.

Lanie nodded in understanding. "Alright. I'll let it go for now, but I'm going to hold you to that lunch tomorrow. I want details. None of that, 'it's complicated. I can't talk about it' bull."

Her cellphone rang and Kate grabbed for it and answered it quickly.

"I'll have to let you in on a secret that no one else knows in order to tell you what I found out," Martha informed her.

"Alright. I promise your source is safe with me. Where is he?" Kate assured her.

"I tracked his cellphone. He's at her apartment and he's still not answering his phone. It's on, but he's not picking up."

"That's a little weird, right? That he's not answering his phone for either of us is strange. Maybe one of us really should go over there." Kate told her, more thinking out loud than anything else.

"I'm almost there now. I'll find out what's going on."

"Martha, I don't think that's a very good idea. This woman could be dangerous. I don't want you in the middle of it," Kate argued.

"If she's dangerous that all the more reason for me to get my son away from her. I'm not leaving him there with her so she can do God knows what to him. Trust me, Kate, I can handle myself."

"No, you can't." Kate was already on her feet, gathering her purse and heading towards to elevator. "Go home. I'm leaving now. I'll find out what's going on and let you know."

Lanie was trailing right along behind her and Gates caught her eye as she passed her office and gave her a nod.

"How are you going to explain knowing exactly where he is? I'm his mother. He can't be that mad at me for long. But if he finds out you are tracking his cellphone he'll be livid. He'll think you don't trust him." Martha replied.

"I'd rather him think I don't trust him than think I'd allow you to put yourself in danger. Now go home. I'll call you in a little while."

"I'm not going home, but I will wait for you to get here." Martha compromised.

"Alright," Kate answered. "I guess that's the best I'm going to get." She was in the parking garage now, making her way to her car with Lanie still hot on her heels. "Just stay out of sight."

"Ten-four, Detective." Martha returned in a mock professional clip.

_Great, now I've got two of them pretending to be cops and trying to get themselves killed_, Kate thought with a roll of her eyes.


	22. Chapter 22

"Kate? What are you doing here?" he asked the minute he opened the door and found her standing there.

She stared back at him blankly, having no clue of how to proceed now that she had gotten this far. "I was worried about you," she finally mumbled lamely when it became clear he wasn't letting it go without an answer.

"Why? You knew where I was. I told you I'd be in as soon as I was done here," he pushed still standing in the doorway, still looking at her with confusion all over his face. But she noted it was a clear, sober face. Whatever was going on with Morgan, she wasn't drugging him, or, at least, she hadn't yet.

"You didn't answer your phone," was the only thing she could think to say. And she did it as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and played with the nail polish on her finger with the thumb of her other hand.

Rick took a second to glance over his shoulder before stepping out into the hall and closing the apartment door behind him. "You came all the way over here because I didn't answer my phone?" he asked a touch heatedly. There was anger brimming under the surface of his words. It hadn't fully developed yet, but it was certainly on its way.

He yanked his phone from his pocket and took a second to scroll through the screen. "And apparently, you called in reinforcements. My mother called me three times after you did."

"Why didn't you answer?" she demanded, trying to turn the situation in her favor.  
>He looked up at her and narrowed his eyes. Then he shoved the phone back into the pocket of his black sports jacket. "We were supposed to be in court. I already had my phone on silent when we left. It was in my jacket which was on a chair. I didn't know you called. Is that good enough for you, Detective? Or would you like to examine the chair where it was resting? Maybe there are some fibers there that can confirm my story for you."<p>

Kate tried to keep the completely abashed look from her face by forcing anger there instead. "Like I said, I was worried about you."

He took a step closer to her. "And like I said, you had no reason to be. I told you where I was going to be. I am in exactly that spot, doing exactly what I told you I'd be doing. And here you are checking up on me to make sure." His nostrils flared with the anger in his words. His tone was hard and crisp as he spoke, his shoulders set rigid and tense. "I wonder how different this situation would be if it was reversed."

She swallowed hard, knowing there was nothing she could say or do to make him understand how she was feeling. This was the consequence of keeping secrets, of not just being honest with each other and she knew she would now have to pay the price for it. Explaining her worry to him would be impossible. There would be no way for her to convince him that this was more than simply not trusting him.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I know you won't believe me, but I really did come here because I was worried, not because I thought there was something going on."

He paused long enough to search her face for a moment before he shook his head sadly. "Why were you so worried? Can you, at least, tell me that?"

She shook her head causing her hair to tumble around her shoulders in a waterfall of brown waves. "I just got this feeling that something was terribly wrong and I had to make sure you were okay. I shouldn't have come here, but I couldn't help myself."

His face softened immediately and she felt a surge of relief well up inside her. It had been a gamble and she hated herself for employing the tactic like this. But there had been no help for it. She couldn't afford to have him thinking she didn't trust him or Morgan and she couldn't handle his anger at her. Now she felt as if she were manipulating him to her own advantage. Did that make her any better than Morgan in the long run?

He took her in his arms and her guilt nearly drove her to the ground as he held her comfortingly. "I'm okay. I'm sorry you were worried."

"You've been here all morning. Is everything okay with Morgan?" she asked.

"Everything is fine. I took her to the doctor's this morning. She wasn't feeling well. I was just about to leave actually. Why were you trying to call me? Do we have a case?" he asked, pulling away from her enough to look down into her face.

She shook her head again. "We were all going out to lunch and I was hoping you'd come with us."

He glanced back at the door. "I can't leave just yet. I'm waiting on a delivery from the pharmacy. But I'll be at the precinct as soon as it gets here." Then he kissed her and she could taste the coffee on his lips.

"Did she make you coffee?" she asked quickly, all her instincts suddenly on high alert.

"Yeah, I had some coffee," he answered, clearly perplexed.

She pulled out of his arms quickly. "Did she make it or did you?"

"She did. Kate, what is this about?"

"Can I wait on the pharmacy with you?"

"You said you had lunch plans. Go eat with your friends. I'll see you later on. We can talk about what is bothering you so much." He told her, stepping towards the door.

She grabbed his arm to stop him, fear surging through her. "I'm not hungry. I want to stay with you."

"What has gotten into you?" he asked, taking her hand off his arm. "You're acting crazy."

"You're right," she answered, shaking her head as if clearing the fog from it. "I'll see you later at work. You should go take care of Morgan. I'm fine."

Martha and Lanie were both waiting for her as soon as she stepped off the elevator and she was just a little bit glad Rick hadn't come with her. Their presence would not have been easy to explain.

"Well?" Martha demanded as they followed her out of the building.

"He's fine," she mumbled, not at all satisfied with the way the situation had played out.

"And why isn't he with you?" she pressed.

"He isn't done taking care of her. He said he'd be along soon."

"Who the hell is she and why is he taking care of her?" Lanie wanted to know.

"I'll fill you, Honey." Martha offered. "This story is a doozy."

Once outside the older woman turned to Kate with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry we didn't know today was your birthday. Richard never mentioned it. Which is all the more reason to suspect something is going on with him. He doesn't forget things like that, Kate."

"I know," she said, quietly. "Believe me, I'm as worried as you are. But there isn't anything I can do without more evidence. With what I have right now, he'll accuse me of being jealous and I'll never get him to listen to me about her again. I can't afford to let that happen. When the time comes, I'm going to need him to hear me."

"When will that time be?" Martha asked, impatiently. "We can't just leave him in her hands like this. We have to do something."

"How do you think he's going to react if we tell him what we think right now?" Kate countered. She'd had this argument with herself more times than she could count.

Martha's shoulder's slumped and her lips turned down in a frown. "He'll think we're being ridiculous."

"I don't know what's going on but I really would like to," Lanie interjected. "If Castle is in some kind of danger, Martha's right. We can't just leave him."

"I need to get back to the station before everyone starts to wonder where I am. Martha would you like to join us for lunch? I'm sure Espo and Ryan won't mind."

"Of course, Dear. In fact, I'll take you to my favorite place. It'll be my way of making up for not knowing today was your birthday." Martha answered and took hold of Lanie's arm. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to fill Dr. Perish in on what's happening with Richard."

Ryan and Espo hadn't minded Martha joining them at all especially since she offered to pay for everyone's lunch. As promised Lanie had made sure no undue attention was called to the table. Although the restaurant Martha had chosen wasn't the type to make a scene anyway. And a quick phone call had Alexis joining them as well.

Everyone was there. Everyone except her father and Rick, the two most important men in her life. Rick's absence weighed on her, leaving her distracted and not at all in the partying mood. She couldn't help imaining what was happening back in that apartment with that woman. She'd left him there because she felt like she had no choice. Now she was questioning that decision.

What if something awful happened? How could she not blame herself for just leaving him there like that? If anything did come from it, she knew it would be her fault. She could have, should have pressed harder. Maybe she could have reminded him that it was her birthday. That might have persuaded him from Morgan's side. Or maybe she should just be honest with him, tell him about her suspicions and let the chips fall where they may.

Still she knew she didn't have enough information to convince him there was anything underhanded going on. It was all ridiculously circumstantial and she knew that kind of evidence wouldn't fly with him. She'd taught him that. She was the one that taught him that theories and speculations were all well and good but without evidence to back them up they meant very little. When he came to her, he'd been ready to accept things at face value. She taught him to search for more. Now those teaching were coming back to bite her in the ass and she hated that.

What she wanted more than anything else was to get Morgan Daniels in an interrogation room and badger her until she talked. But if Daniels was capable of doing what Kate suspected she was doing, Kate imagined she wouldn't be an easy nut to crack. Forcing her to give away her hand wouldn't be as easy as leaning on her until she broke. She'd need some kind of leverage to get inside her head, some kind of proof that there was something going on.

Kate had none. Honestly, she didn't even have good circumstantial evidence to back her up. Hell, she didn't even have any proof of wrongdoing. All she had were suspicions. She felt like she was reaching, grasping at straws as she tried to make sense of the situation she found herself in.

But she just could not shake the feeling that there was more going on. Morgan Daniels had hit her bad guy radar the first time she met her. And the more she got to know her the more that feeling increased. Kate knew the other woman was up to something. She could feel it in her gut and her gut had never lied to her before.

Maybe it was time for Kate and Morgan to spend some time together. Morgan said she wanted to get them all together for dinner. If Kate could make Morgan believe that she wanted to be friends with her, it might get her inside track into what was happening.

She excused herself from the table and stepped outside to call Rick to set up the dinner. It was her best option. Now all she had to do was figure out how she was going to get through a meal with the woman without acting her impulse to rip her apart with her bare hands.

_Aw, Jealousy, you are an unkind mistress_, she thought to herself as she made the call.


	23. Chapter 23

Kate was just emerging from the steaming bathroom after a nice long bath when she heard the knock on her front door. She hastily slipped into a pair of leggings and an over-sized t-shirt before going to answer it.

"I don't think she's pregnant at all." Martha announced as soon as Kate stepped aside to let her enter.

Kate was just about to shut the door behind her when someone pushed on it and she realized that Martha wasn't alone.

Opening the door once again, Kate turned accusing eyes on the other woman.

"I'm sorry," Martha said at her look. "I thought we needed back up."

Javier Esposito was still standing in the open doorway looking more than a little nervous as Kate eyed him critically.

She motioned him in with a defeated sigh and closed the door. "I thought we were keeping this between us," she said, tiredly.

"After lunch, I knew something was going on and I knew you wouldn't tell me. So I went to Ms. Rodgers and she told me everything." Esposito offered in way of an explanation for his presence.

"Of course she did," she muttered as she ushered them into the living room and every one took a seat.

"Look," he said, perching on the edge of a tan leather arm chair that matched the sofa Martha and Kate were occupying opposite ends of. "I spent some time in South America a while ago. I know what this drug can do. If this woman is using it on Castle, I want to help. He's one of ours, Detective."

Kate nodded and turned to Martha. "What makes you think she isn't really pregnant? Do you know something new?"

Martha shifted in her seat. "I saw her with a glass of wine at lunch yesterday."

"You saw her?" Kate asked suspiciously.

"I may have followed her a few times."

"You've been following her?" Kate exclaimed coming quickly to her feet. "I told you she could be dangerous. I asked you to let me handle this."

"You told me she could be dangerous and then left her alone with my son. What was I suppose to do? Sit back and wait for something terrible to happen?" Martha returned just as loudly.

Kate felt the anger drain away immediately. "No, but Rick would never forgive me if I let you put yourself in danger, Martha. What if she'd spotted you?"

"I've done this a thousand times in the theater. I know how to keep from being seen," she retorted.

"Kate's right this time, Ms. Rodgers. You shouldn't be going after this person. If there's even a chance she might be dangerous, you need to let us handle it," Esposito interjected. Then he turned back to Kate. "And that's where Ryan is right now."

"You told Ryan, too?" Kate yelled in frustration.

He just folded his arms over his chest and returned her accusing glare with an indifferent one of his own. "If we're going start surveillance on this Morgan Daniels, then you need a team and we're your team."

"Start surveillance? Gates will never approve that. I don't have enough evidence to get the court order for it."

"Who said anything about Gates or court orders?" he asked. "We're doing this on our own time." Then he shrugged. "Like I said, he's one of ours."

"We don't have any equipment," she continued to argue.

"I have that covered." Martha told her, indicating the shopping bags she'd brought in with her. Then she started to unload them onto Kate's coffee table. "We have hidden cameras, GPS vehicle trackers, spy software for cellphones, bugs..."

"Where did you get all this?" Kate asked, impressed despite herself at the array of equipment.

"Most of it came from Richard's closet. He likes to play with things like this. Not seriously, mind you, but, you know him. The rest came from the store where he buys all his things, The Spy Store."

"Alright," Kate said, clearly defeated. "I guess we'll set up surveillance on Morgan Daniels. Now we just need to get her out of her apartment so we can get it all in place."

"Aren't we all suppose to have dinner tonight at our place?" Martha asked. "That would be the perfect time for your team to go in and get everything ready. And one of us can even slip downstairs and put the tracker on her car while she's distracted."

"Ryan and I have already cleared our schedules for tonight. We'll take care of the apartment. All you have to do is keep her busy," Espo answered.

"Oh, I think we can handle that," Martha agreed.

* * *

><p>Kate tasted a hint of coppery, sweetness on her tongue as she bit down on the inside of her cheek and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Her eyes darted around the table, landing first on Martha, who looked as ill at ease as Kate felt.<p>

Next to her, Alexis looked no better off. Her pale, porcelain cheeks glowed with a telling touch of pink that said she wished she were anywhere but where she was.

Rick didn't seem the least bit fazed by the heavy air in the room and that irritated Kate more than a little.

He could he not notice how flustered his daughter seemed. He always paid attention to her. Details like that never escaped him.

Morgan sat a distance away from everyone else and Kate thought that seemed very telling in itself. Martha and Alexis were practically huddling around Kate taking their cue from her on how to react to the newcomer. Kate wished they weren't. She wasn't sure how to react to the woman herself. She hated feeling like she was responsible for their actions as well.

The only sound filling the air was that of silverware hitting against plates as they ate their meal in silence. Rick had done his best to keep the conversation going when they all sat down but there hadn't been much for him to work with and it had died off of natural causes. Those being that no one had anything to say to anyone else.

Finally, Martha glanced over the table at their guest and gave her a forced smile. "So, remind me again, where are you from, Dear?"

Morgan took a sip of her water, set it aside and beamed a smile at Martha that looked as fake as the one she was receiving. "Bally, North Caroline originally. But I've been here in New York since college. I've kind of adopted it as my own."

"And what is that you do?" Martha continued, determined to not let the silence settle again.

"Right now, I'm a waitress."

"I thought you said you went to college. Why are you working as a waitress if you have a degree?"

Rick set his fork down and leveled his mother with a glare. "What's with the inquisition, Mother?"

"You said you wanted us to get to know her better. That's what I'm trying to do," she answered without missing a beat.

"It's okay," Morgan interjected and for a moment it looked as if she were about to reach out and touch his hand, but a glance at Kate made her think better of the move. "I got my degree in Art History. There just aren't a lot of jobs around that call for that kind of education. I'm hoping to get on with a museum soon so I can stop waiting tables."

"Have you thought about teaching?" Alexis asked, joining the conversation finally.

"I'm not sure I'd be a very good teacher. It's not really my thing," she replied.

"What isn't your thing?" Kate asked, unable to stop herself. "Teaching or children?"

Before Morgan could answer, Kate's phone rang and she excused herself from the table to answer it.

"Beckett," she said as she stepped into the den and put the devise to her ear.

"We're out," Ryan announced. "Have you got the tracker on her car yet?"

"No, I was waiting for an opportunity and you just gave it to me. Thanks." Then she paused for a moment. "I really mean it, thanks for everything, both of you. This is way far above and beyond."

"He's one of ours, Detective. We're just doing what we'd do if any of us were in the same situation," he returned.

She thanked him again and said a quick goodbye before going back into the dining room and catching Martha's eye covertly. They exchanged a quick glance and Kate cleared her throat. "Lanie needs me down at the morgue. I really need to go."

Rick put his napkin aside. "Is it about the Holloway case?" he asked as he started to get to his feet.

"No, I don't think it's about business. You all go on and enjoy your meal. I'll be right back," she waved him off.

He raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. "You sure you don't need me?"

Kate quickly shook her head. "No, it's just girl talk. I hate to run out, but she doesn't call very often."

"No, it's fine. We'll be okay. You go take care of your friend," Martha said.

Kate grabbed her purse with the tracker inside and darted out of the apartment, off to the garage to put it in place.


	24. Chapter 24

It was all getting out of hand and Kate had no idea how to reel it back in. The surveillance had been set up for a solid week and they had exactly jack and shit to show for it. There was nothing on the camera to prove that Morgan Daniels was up to no good, nothing from the tracker on her car, nothing from the spy ware on her cellphone, nothing from the mics stationed throughout her apartment.

Aside from the fact that copious alcohol consumption made by the woman in question had more or less proven to Kate that she wasn't really pregnant, she had nothing to go on. And now there were looks. She was getting looks. And they were coming from the people under her command at the precinct, people that were supposed to trust her judgment. And it wasn't just Ryan and Espo. Even Gates had joined in with the 'we think she might be losing it' crowd.

Oh, the looks were all very covert. There was nothing blatant, yet. But that word rang in her mind like an echo of an 'I told you so' from deep in her subconsciousness. Part of the reason she hadn't wanted to air out her laundry to the people she worked with was the thought that maybe she was wrong.

Maybe the reason her gut was telling her Morgan was up to something was pure and simple jealousy. It had driven a lot of people to do far worse than she was. Still, she hated feeling like a fool and every time she caught one of those looks from the corner of her eye, she felt like a fool.

How could they not think less of her for this? How could she not think less of herself? She'd let her emotions overrun her good sense. She'd let her personal life bleed over into her professional one. She promised herself she'd never do that. She vowed when she took up the badge to do her best to keep the two separate and apart. And she'd done just that, until now.  
>But then, she'd never felt like she did now. She'd never loved anyone like she did Rick. She honestly never imagined she would ever love anyone like she loved him. It made her crazy, this need for him. It consumed her like nothing ever had, and that included the search for her mother's killer.<p>

This was exactly what she'd been so afraid of, losing herself like this, feeling like she couldn't breath without him. It all added up to make her weak. She was weak when it came to him. Even now with him gone a mere two days to L.A. for some mystery writers convention, she felt lost and alone without him.

Now her only option was to summon up the courage to admit to everyone that she had been wrong about Morgan and try to regain their trust. Because she knew she'd lost some of it. There was no way she couldn't have. Once she said the words, it would be out there. She had been compromised by her feelings for Rick Castle. Her gut couldn't be trusted when it came to him.

How could it betray her like this? She'd always relied on it to steer her in the right direction, even if that direction seemed far-fetched or off-the-wall. It had never turned on her before. But here it was, staring her right in the face. Her gut had turned on her where he was concerned. It had her jumping at shadows and seeing things that weren't there.

She didn't even trust herself to be able to do her job anymore. If her gut couldn't be trusted in her personal life, how could it lead her the right way professionally?

No one seemed to notice that she had more or less taken a backseat on her open investigations. And she was relieved for that at least. She was letting Ryan and Esposito take the lead. She still trusted them. Their instincts seemed to be working correctly.

It wasn't like she hadn't been lead down the wrong path before. She'd been wrong in her time. Not often, but there was a precedence for it. But in those cases, she'd been able to reason it out in her mind and move past her mistake. This time, despite all the evidence to the contrary, she still couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. There were questions that didn't have answers and that was something she'd never been able to live with.

For instance, if Morgan really wasn't pregnant, why was she pretending like she was? Why was she seeing a fertility specialist? Why was she growing Jimsom weed in her closet? Why did she have fertility drugs in her medicine cabinet? And what did all this have to do with Rick? Rick, who hadn't been himself in a while.

She thought that perhaps she wasn't seeing that clearly either. There was nothing really wrong with him. He still acted like his normal self. He joked and laughed. He teased and played. He still loved her just like he had before, still made sure she knew it in a thousand different ways, a thousand times a day.

But there was just something off about him, something under the surface that just wasn't quite right. Her birthday was a big indicator that he wasn't himself. He never forgot things like that. And while she really didn't care that he'd forgotten, she did care because it was so unusual for him. And there was more. Things like not making time to spend with Alexis. That was a big one for her. One of the things she loved about him was his utter devotion to his little girl. Alexis had told her that there was a day earlier in the week when she hadn't seen or talked to him at all.

But again, it could be explained. Alexis was starting college in the fall. One of her conditions for still living at home was that he give her the space she needed to live her life. Maybe this was Rick giving her that space, but Kate just couldn't believe that. She didn't believe for a second that it would be that easy for him to back away from his daughter.

And the worst part of all of this was that she felt like she was betraying him by not telling him about her suspicions where Morgan was concerned. They promised to be honest with each other when all this started and here she was going behind his back to spy on his ex-girlfriend. She had let herself become one of those awful women on the daytime talk shows. Jerry Springer would have a field day with all this.

She snatched off the headphones she'd been wearing to spy on the seemingly innocent woman in the apartment across the street from her and tossed them on the desk. She couldn't take another minute of waiting for Morgan to get home so she could listen to her watch television or play solitaire on her computer. She had to be the most uninteresting woman Kate had ever had the displeasure of surveying.

She was just grabbing her coat and getting ready to head back to the station to try to put an end to the whole mess when a knock at the apartment door stopped her short and brought all her instincts on full alert.

No one knew about the apartment they'd rented to conduct their illegal surveillance from. Only she, Ryan and Esposito were privy to its location. She hadn't even told Gates about it, though her supervisor had proven to be far more understanding than she'd ever expected her to be.

Instead of putting her jacket on, she tossed it haphazardly over the desk containing their equipment and did her best to hide it before going to answer the door.

When she did, it was with the chain lock still in place and her hand on the butt of her gun.

"Lanie?" she asked the moment she recognized the visitor. "How the hell did you find out about this place?"

Lanie was holding a couple of brown paper bags in her hands and a carrier containing two large drinks in Styrofoam cups. "Javi, of course. I brought you some dinner. Thought maybe we could talk while you do your spying."

Kate opened the door wide enough to let her friend inside before closing it and securely locking it once she was in.

"I think I'm done spying," Kate muttered almost under her breath as she flopped back down into the chair she'd recently vacated.

"Still nothing, huh?" Lanie asked while unpacking the bags and handing out the heavenly smelling food inside.

"Absolutely nothing. She's been gone all day. Yesterday in the wonderful world of Morgan Daniels, she had a lively discussion with her cat about where she would order take out from."

"It's only been a week, Kate. You know that sometimes these things that time," Lanie consoled her after taking up the unoccupied chair beside her.

"I think I was wrong about the whole thing," she admitted. Saying it out loud to Lanie wasn't that hard. She was her friend. She accepted the fact that Kate wasn't perfect. In fact, more times that not, she was the one to point out the imperfections in her.

Lanie leaned forward and peered at Kate with that look that said she was about to deliver a truth that Kate probably didn't want to deal with. It was a look Kate knew well. She'd seen it often over the years.

"Just because there wasn't been anything going on in the last week doesn't mean there isn't anything going on. If you still think something is up, I say something is up. Besides, I don't like the sounds of any of this. It all smells funny to me. That woman is sneaky and conniving and I just don't like her."

"You've never even met her," Kate replied around a bite of cheeseburger.

"No, but I've heard all about her."

"You've heard all about her from the people that I've biased against her," Kate informed her.

"So what, now you've changed your mind and you want to go be friends with her?"

Kate sighed dishearteningly and took another bite of food, then washed it down with her coke. "Maybe I should. It would make life easier on everybody. Rick is determined to make her part of his life. I should accept that and be the bigger person here."

"I thought Javi said you were all pretty sure she isn't pregnant." Lanie reminded her. "Why would you be okay with having her around if she isn't? And why would you let her continue with the lie if you know it isn't true?"

Kate blinked in confusion at this voice of logic and looked away, not sure how to answer. Of course she wasn't about to let her continue lying to Castle about a baby that didn't exist. Of course she wasn't going to let the little harpy keep him on a leash without a reason.

"You know what I think is going on?" Lanie asked, seeing that she was making some headway. "I think the tramp is using the fertility drugs on herself, then using the Scopolamine on your man to sleep with him in the hopes that she will get pregnant quickly. Then she's going to use that baby to take him for everything he's worth and I know for a fact, he's worth a lot."

Kate got to her feet and started to pace. "Don't you think that I haven't already thought of all that?" she practically yelled at her friend. "But I have no proof! I have nothing to take to Castle to prove that she's lying."

"You have the fact that she isn't already pregnant. That's plenty enough of a reason for him to kick her out of your lives. Take that to him, make him believe you."

"It's not that simple," Kate protested.

"Why not? All it takes is a simple little test."

Kate glanced out the window towards the apartment she had been watching all day and started when she realized the woman was finally home and she wasn't alone. What the hell! Castle had left a little while before for L.A. She's taken him to the airport herself, seen him off with all the I love you's and I'll miss you's she could shove into the short car ride. What was he doing in Morgan's apartment instead?

Lanie followed her eye line when she saw she no longer had Kate's attention and sat up straighter in her chair when she found what had stolen it.

"I thought you said he was in California," Lanie muttered.

"I thought he was," Kate answered in the same way.

Lanie's gaze fell to the jacket covered desk and then back to Kate. "Aren't you going to find out what is going on over there?"

Kate hesitated and Lanie gave her a frustrated huff. "Kate Beckett, look at me! If there is something going on over there, Castle is not doing it of his own free will. That man loves you like I've never seen anyone love someone. This is all her. This is the proof you were looking for. Pick up those headphones, check the monitor. Find out I'm right, then go rescue your man before she gets her sleazy hooks in him."

She didn't hesitate any more. While Lanie called Espo and Ryan, Kate snatched up the headphones and started to pull on her jacket. It only took a glance at the monitor that was reporting back from the hidden cameras to convince Kate. Actually all it had really taken was Lanie's words.

She went out the door, checking the safety on her gun as she left.


	25. Chapter 25

She was just stepping off the elevator in Morgan's building when her phone rang. She grabbed for it hastily, not really in the mood for whoever was on the other end.

"Beckett," she spat testily into the receiver.

"They're gone," Lanie answered quickly.

"Gone? Gone where?" Kate replied just as quickly.

"I looked away for a minute to call the guys and when I turned back around to the monitor, the apartment was empty."

"Damn it!" Kate hissed, turning on her heel and getting back in the elevator. "I'm on my way back. Have Javi and Ryan meet me at the apartment."

They were already there when she stepped inside, obliviously having dropped everything and come running to back her up. She owed those guys a dinner. She owed them a lot more than that, but a dinner was the best she could do for payback.

"She's not using her phone and her car isn't moving. She must either be on foot or in a cab," Esposito informed her the minute she stepped inside.

"Damn it!" she hissed again, shrugging off her jacket and tossing it on one of the office chairs that served as the other furniture in the room beside the desk which held all the equipment.

"Do you think she knew we were watching her?" Ryan asked as he bounced from one foot to the other nervously.

"How could she have known? And if she did, why bring him back to her place at all?" Kate reasoned out loud, more to herself than anyone else.

"Any idea where they might have gone?" Esposito wanted to know.

"The only contact we have for her is the doctor. We haven't been watching her long enough to get anything else." Kate replied, running her hand through her hair as she started to pace restlessly.

An idea occurred to her and she grabbed her phone and pushed Castle's number on her speed dial.

It went immediately to voice mail and her heart gave a little stutter when his voice told her he wasn't available to take her call.

"We're going to check the doctor's," Ryan announced as he and Esposito prepared to depart. "We'll give you a call if we see them."

It had been hours with no word from Castle, no movement on the car and no hint as to where Morgan Daniels had taken him. Missing persons wasn't an option, neither was an APB. Castle was a grown man. He left with her willingly with no sign of a struggle.

Kate was helplessly paralyzed. He was out there somewhere, out there with her and Kate had no idea where to even begin to look for them.

A soft knock on the bedroom door brought Kate's attention to the here and now and she gave a call out for whoever it was to come in.

The petite, strawberry blond entered with a tray in her hands and a worried expression on her beautiful face. She was even paler than normal and the dark circles under her eyes were much more pronounced because of her alabaster complexion. She tried for a smile when her gaze connected with Kate's, but failed miserably. "I brought you something to eat." She told her, gesturing with the tray.

It was burdened down with a steaming plate of food and a bottle of beer so cold condensation was dribbling down it in rivers of moisture. Rick had a fridge under the bar in the living room that held two special compartments, one for chilling beer, the other for chilling wine.

_Just another of his much-loved gadgets_, she thought musingly, then had to check herself when she felt tears stinging her eyes. She wouldn't, couldn't let herself breakdown in front of Alexis. It was obvious the girl was barely holding it together as it was. Seeing Kate lose it would no doubt send her over the edge.

Besides, Kate reasoned with herself silently, it wasn't like he was dead. She wasn't even sure he was really in danger. Morgan had never hurt him before and she had no reason to believe that this time was any different than any other time.

It was the fact that Kate knew what was going on this time that was driving her mad. And there was also the fact that Morgan had taken him off somewhere. As far as Kate knew, she'd never done that before.

It was new, possibly an escalation, her cop sense told her logically. It was something they looked for in a case. When MO's changed, there was normally a reason for it. Sometimes the reason was simply that the perp was growing bolder, more sure of themselves. Those times meant that things were about to get worse.

But she certainly wasn't about to share those fears with Alexis so she sat up in the middle of the giant king-sized bed she recently begun sharing with Rick and forced a smile that she managed to pull off far better than the young woman had. "You shouldn't have gone through any trouble. I'm not sure I can eat, really."

"Gran said the same thing, but she managed a few bites," she said. "I just got her tucked into bed after she finished off a bottle of brandy and half of a bottle of what dad calls 'the good stuff'." She sat the tray down beside Kate and took up a spot on the other side of it. Then she gestured towards the beer. "I brought you that, but I can go get the rest of the bottle if you'd rather."

"Oh no, I think I'll let your gran take the fall for dipping into the reserve Scotch when you dad gets back. I want no part of that," Kate joked.

Alexis tried for a laugh, but it came out as more of a half-assed chuckle. Then it fell away all together. "He is coming back, right?" she asked, so quietly it was the barest of whispers.

Kate turned to her and met her eyes with all the conviction her exhausted mind could muster. "Absolutely." Then she took hold of both her hands. "All it's going to take is one phone call. One call from either of them and we've got them. I won't rest until he's back, safe and sound with you and your grandmother, where he belongs."

"And you," Alexis added. "He belongs here with you, too."

Kate felt the tears choking her yet again, but she swallowed hard and willed them away. "I'm really glad you think so. I love him very much."

"I know and he loves you. I'm glad you worked everything out between you," Alexis nodded in agreement. "You don't know how miserable he was when you weren't around. I've never seen him like that."

"I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you never have to see him like that again," Kate assured her and meant every word.

Both women jumped as Kate's cellphone chirped from the table by the bed and Kate made a dive for it, answering it without bothering to see who it was. It was late. It could only be work or Ryan and Esposito with a lead.

"Beckett," she answered in her customary way.

"We've got a hit." Esposito told her in an excited voice that made Kate's pulse jump. "Daniels just made a call from somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Virginia."

"The state?" Kate asked, getting to her feet and pulling on clothes as she talked.

"Yeah, the state. Should we call the local authorities?"

"And tell them what. My boyfriend ran off with another woman and we want them to go get him back?" she asked sarcastically.

"We don't have to be quite that truthful," he countered. "We could just tell them she's a person of interest in an on-going case. I don't know about you, but I'm very interested in her."

"She's drugging him, remember?" She lowered her voice and stepped into the bathroom to pack a bag of essentials and the added bonus of getting out of Alexis' earshot. "What if she sees the cops closing in and suggests he protect her from them. We could be putting him in danger. I think it's better if I go down there and bring him home myself."

"You aren't going alone," he replied earnestly.

"Yes, I am. I need the two of you at the precinct taking care of our jobs. I'll bring him home. I can handle Morgan Daniels. Believe me."

She stepped back into the bedroom to find Alexis and the tray of food both gone.

"Just text me the address and let Gates know I'm taking a few personal days."

Kate was on a plane to D.C. less than an hour later. Half an hour after than, she was in a car, traveling towards the address Esposito had given her.

Almost as soon as she hit the Virginia state line, the rain that had been pelting her windshield since D.C. turned to sleet, then to snow. Now it was making it nearly impossible to see and Kate pulled into a diner on the side of the highway right inside of Elkton, Virginia.

"Welcome to the Shenandoah Valley," a bubbly, blond waitress said as she came to the booth Kate had chosen and placed a menu in front of her. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Coffee," she answered immediately. "and a glass of water."

Kate took the map she'd bought at the service station next door out of her purse and spread it out in front of her, searching it for the address she'd been given.

Ryan had called her while she was on the road and told her it belonged to Morgan Daniels' mother.

"Something I can help you find?" the waitress asked after setting her cup of steaming coffee down along side her glass of ice water.

"I'm looking for 1230 E. Madison drive," Kate mumbled distractedly.

"1230... let me see, that would be the Daniels' house, right?"

She looked up quickly and gave the waitress a brand new look over, this one much more scrutinizing. "It would, yeah. Can you tell me how to get there?"

"Sure." She smiled at her brightly and rattled off a fairly simple set of directions which Kate scratched down on the side of her map.

"Do you know the Daniels?" she asked, once she was pretty sure she had it.

"Mrs. Daniels taught me English in high school. She taught everyone English in high school for as far back as anyone can remember."

"What about her daughter, Morgan?"

"Are you a friend of Morgan's?"the waitress asked, giving Kate a once over this time.

"Yeah, we went to college together. I was hoping to look her up while I'm passing through," Kate lied.

The young woman's attention was caught by something out the window behind her and Kate shifted to see what it was. "It's really coming down out there. They say this might be the worst late season storm we've seen in years," she commented. "You have a place to stay here in town?"

"Is there a place to stay around here?"

"There's the Elkton Inn just up the street, other than that the only place to stay like that is the cabins on the mountain," she informed her.

"The mountain?"

"Massanutten Mountain," the waitress replied like Kate was an imbecile for not knowing. "But I wouldn't go there unless I had to."

"Why's that?"

"Late season storm makes the mountain even more dangerous."

Kate took her attention from the snow and turned back to the waitress. "Why is it even more dangerous now?"

The waitress glanced around the nearly empty diner, checking on the few tables she did have and deciding they were all good. Then she went to the other side of the booth and plopped herself down in the red upholstered seat tiredly. "This time of year, the mountains already started to melt after the winter. When a new batch of stuff hits the old stuff that's trying to melt, everything comes down and quick."

"Avalanches," Kate nodded in understanding. "So the Elkton Inn it is."

"That's where I'd go," she agreed. "Can I get you something to eat?"

"No, just the coffee and a few more answers."

She shifted to make herself more comfortable. "You sure have a lot of questions," she replied.

"Occupational habit," Kate mumbled. "You never said whether you knew Morgan or not."

"I knew her. She hasn't been around in years. Then just this afternoon, she turned up out of the blue."

"Did she say where she was going? Or what brought her back to town," Kate asked.

"I assume she went to see her mother. She came in here, bought three lunch specials, then left."

"Three?"

"Yeah, her mother's all alone over there. I guessed Morgan brought someone with her."

"Did you see anyone with her?"

"Nope, she came in alone and left the same way."

"How long ago was this?"

"Are a cop or something?" the girl asked, suddenly suspicious.

"What makes you ask that?" Kate hedged. She didn't want some well meaning old acquaintance tipping Morgan off to her presence.

"You really know how to ask questions," the girl shrugged.

Kate shifted in her seat causing the vinyl under her to whine in protest. "You really know how to answer them. You been questioned by a lot of cops?"

The girl smiled. "My old man is the local troublemaker around these parts. I've been talked to by my share of police officers."

"So how long ago was Morgan here?" Kate asked again.

The waitress glanced at her watch. "A while. I was just starting my shift, so eight hours or so. We were about to stop serving the special for the day, so it was around two." She got to her feet when Kate started to reach into her purse for a handful of bills to pay for the untouched coffee. "Is Morgan in some kind of trouble? I mean we haven't seen her in years, then she shows up and not long after, here you are asking a lot of questions. Sounds like she's in trouble."

Kate shoved the bills into the girl's hand. "She might be, but I need to know that she isn't going to hear about my asking questions before I'm ready for her to know."

She glanced down at her hand. "The coffee is only a dollar. There's twenty bucks here."

"Call the rest a tip, as long as I can count on your discretion."

The girl looked up at Kate in confusion.

Kate gave a inward eye roll to the local public school system. "Promise you won't tell anyone about me being here."

She pocketed the tip. "I wouldn't have said anything anyway. I can't stand that girl. The way she ran out on her mother when she had no one else. It's shameful. Whatever she did, I hope you catch her and throw the book at her."

"I never said I was a cop," Kate answered getting to her feet.

"You never said you weren't one either," the waitress answered before ambling off towards the kitchen.


	26. Chapter 26

Darkness surrounded Rick Castle and he had no idea where he was. It was a chore to fight down the surge of panic that thought brought with it. His foggy mind tried to recall the last thing he remembered as the cop instincts he had developed during his years with Kate made a assessment of his surroundings.

He was laying flat on something soft. He assumed it was a bed. His hands were secured with something he guessed was much like the zip ties some law enforcement agency had recently started employing instead of handcuffs. The plastic dug into his wrists that were above his head, attached to the headboard which was metal judging from the coolness of it against the backs of his hands.

Speaking of cool, everything seemed to be that way. The air itself had a chill that seeped into his bones and caused his knee, his trick knee, the one he'd hurt in college, to ache every time he attempted to move it. That meant it was snowing outside, despite the fact that it was early April. The only time the knee really gave him trouble was when it snowed. Obviously he was no longer in New York. The weather hadn't been anywhere near as cold last he could remember.

There was something over his eyes, something dark and soft, a silk mask of some kind, like the sleeping mask Gina, one of his ex-wives, used to use when she slept. He moved his head against the pillow and managed to dislodge the mask enough that a ray of light peaked in from the bottom of it.

It wasn't much, but maybe when his eyes adjusted he'd be able to gather more clues. The elastic band wound into his hair as he continue to rub the back of his head on the pillow and pulled it but he ignored the pain. It was his own fault. He'd been meaning to get a cut for a while now and just hadn't found the time.

Suddenly he felt like James Cann in that movie with Kathy Bates. He pictured, any minute now, a spooky figure would appear and claim to be, 'his biggest fan'. That movie had scared him more than _The Shining _had. He always knew something like this would happen to him.

He wondered where Kate was, if Alexis was alright, what his mother was doing, all the people in his life that meant everything to him. What would happen to them if he never made it back?

All at once, the mask popped free of his head and a flood of light nearly blinded him. When he blinked enough for his eyes to adjust to the new level of light, he found himself staring into the face of Morgan Daniels.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed while attempting to sit up. "Where are we? What are we doing here? Where's Kate?" He fired off the questions in quick succession as he rattled the metal headboard behind him.

"I brought you home for a visit," she replied calmly as she made her way to the only other furniture in the room, a small, rickety, round table with a single chair. It held a decanter of wine and two glasses, one of which she filled before sitting in the chair and taking a long, hardy sip.

"You really shouldn't be drinking," he mumbled while glancing around the room, taking it in.

Cheap, fake wood paneling covered the walls. Every cheaper, unfinished pine planks made up the floor. Besides the bed and table, there was nothing, except two door facing each other on opposites sides of the room.

"This is home?" he asked, still trying for the calm that was getting harder and harder to hold on to. But years playing cop had taught him that anger rarely got anything accomplished.

"In a matter of speaking," she mused, unconcerned. "Would you care for some wine? You must be thirsty."

"No, I don't want any wine. I want to know where Kate is and why I'm here."

She shook her head. "I have no idea where Detective Beckett is and you're here because I brought you here."

"How? Why don't I remember anything?"

She stood, poured a second glass of wine and came to the bed. "I don't know, maybe you hit your head."

"I'm not drinking that," he informed her, shying away from her as far as he could.

She sat on the side of the bed. "Why not? Like I said, you must be thirsty."

He was. In fact, he couldn't remember ever being as thirsty as he was right then. His mouth felt like it was filled with cotton and his tongue seemed to have swelled to fill the entire cavity of his mouth. Both of which, he knew, were signs that he had been drugged. Add that to the pounding, fogginess in his head, the fact that he couldn't remember anything and the general lethargy and he was certain.

"Come on, Ricky, you just saw me drinking it. Do you think I would have drugged myself, too?" she asked, offering him the glass once again.

She pressed it to his lips and he shook his head and pursed his lips together in resistance.

"You know, if I really wanted to drug you, I could just inject you with something. It's not like there's a lot you could do about it right now," she explained patiently.

"Why are you doing this? What is this all about?" he asked, still not letting the wine pass his lips.

She gave up the fight and took away the glass. "Because I need you."

"You need me for what?"

She downed the glass herself before getting to her feet. "Do you have any idea how long I've loved you?" she asked with her back to him.

"No, why don't you tell me?" he suggested, watching her carefully.

She spun back towards him quickly. "Since the first time I read a Derek Storm book. You were right there on the back cover smiling so handsomely. And I knew it was just for me. You were looking right at me from the back of that book. I knew I had to meet you, know you. I just needed a chance for you see how much I loved you. I knew if I could show you, you'd love me, too."

"Maybe if you untie me, we can talk about this like rational, reasonable adult," he said as evenly as he could manage.

"Untie you?" she repeated. "Do I look like an idiot? If I untie you, you'll run. You'll go back to her as fast as your legs can carry you."

"Oh, let's not talk about my legs," he answered quickly, thinking back to the movie _Misery_ and the scene in which Kathy Bates broke the leg of her obsession to keep him from running away.

She went back to the bottle of wine and filled the glass once again, then downed the contents in one single gulp.

"You really shouldn't be drinking like that. You have to think about the baby," he said, trying to sit up once again.

She turned to him and narrowed her eyes sharply. "You don't really still think there is a baby, do you?"

"There isn't?"

"Of course not. Why do you think I brought you here? I've tried everything from injections to herbal treatments and still nothing. I'm beginning to think the problem is with you."

"With me? That's not possible. I have a daughter," he stated, unable to keep from defending his masculinity.

"You had a daughter eighteen years ago. Maybe something happen since then. I don't know. But I have a doctor. And she says I need to get a sample from you. That's why you're here. I needed to get you away from that pain in the ass that's determined not to let you get out of her sight. Your girlfriend has some serious jealousy issues."

"All this is about having a baby? You know there are other ways. Maybe you could adopt?" he suggested.

"No." She shook her head and stepped closer to him. "This isn't about just having a baby. It's about having YOUR baby. I've seen you with your daughter. I know the kind of man you are. A baby will tie me to you forever and there won't be a thing your precious Kate can do about it."

"She's going to find me, you know that right? She's going to find me and when she does I wouldn't want to be you, Lady. If you think she's got jealousy issues, just wait to you see her anger management problems. Besides, the biggest problem with your plan is that for it work, you need me to cooperate and I have no intention of doing that."

"Believe me," she smiled at him manically and he felt the bottom of his stomach drop out when she pulled something out of her pocket. "I have that covered."

She took the remaining steps separating them and grabbed hold of his disabled arm. He made a move to kick out towards her, but she evaded it easily and wasted no time in slipping the needle she was holding under his skin right at the bend of his elbow.

"I have to run into town for a few supplies. When I get back we'll talk about getting that sample. I think you'll be a lot more cooperative then." She smiled down at him.

Then she turned away and stalked out of the room leaving him alone and helpless.

"Mrs. Daniels?" Kate called as she rapped on the blue front door of the small rambler surrounded by a white picket fence.

She'd had no trouble finding the place and the gray SUV parked in the gravel drive beside the house said someone was home inside.

Kate yanked the sides of her coat tighter to her chest and began to pace across the little porch as the snow continued to fall all around her. It was starting to pile up making traveling harder and harder with each passing moment. If Morgan didn't have Rick here, Kate wasn't sure she'd be able to get to him before the roads became impassable and she was forced to abandon her search until the morning.

She didn't want to let that happen. She had to find him and fast. Time was running out.

An older woman, stooped, gray-haired and wearing a pair of jeans and a heavy sweater opened the door and looked Kate up and down. "Can I help you?"

"Are you Margaret Daniels?" Kate asked.

"I am," she said with a shake of her head that sent the bun perched on top of it to bobble with the motion.

"Is Morgan Daniels your daughter?"

The woman's face fell as exhaustion and frustration took it over. She pushed to glasses that had fallen to the end of her nose back up her face and sighed tiredly. "What has she done now?"

Kate tossed a glance to the snow falling behind her. "Can I come in? It's really cold out here."

"Of course," the woman said opening the squeaky screen door and allowing Kate entrance. "Can I get you something, coffee, tea, hot chocolate?" she asked once they were both inside and Kate was stomping the snow off her boots.

"Coffee would be great, but I really don't have time. I need to find your daughter, now, right now before it gets too bad out there." Kate told her urgently.

"Well goodness, it's already too bad out there to go very far. Are you sure I can't get you something to warm you up? You look frozen solid."

"Mrs. Daniels, I'm a detective with the NYPD." She flashed her badge at her. "I think your daughter may be involved in an abduction. Have you seen her today?" Kate asked, ignoring the hospitality and getting right to the point. The weather was creating a sense of urgency. She had no time for beating around the bush or trying to be delicate. She had to get to Rick before the snow made that impossible.

Margaret Daniels took a step back and her hand came up to cover the right side of her chest, over her heart. "My Morgan wouldn't do anything like that. She'd never take a child."

"She didn't take a child, Mrs. Daniels. Have you seen her recently, like maybe earlier today?"

The older woman hesitated, then sighed again. "She was here. She brought around her young man for me to meet. He was a nice boy, so handsome," she said finally. "They're getting married, going to have a baby, too."

Kate shook her head. "I know you may not want to believe this, but that man was being drugged. She lied to you, Mrs. Daniels. And now I have to know where she is."

Margaret took a step back bringing her back into contact with the closed front door. "You're right. I don't believe you."

"No, I said you may not want to believe me, but you have to. She's a dangerous woman. I need to find her before she makes this a lot worse for herself."

"I don't know where they went when they left here. And even if I did, I don't think I'd tell you."

Kate was just about to open her mouth to try again when her phone rang and she reached into her pocket to retrieve it. "Beckett," she answered as soon as she put it to her ear.

"We did a check on Margaret Daniels," Espo said quickly. "She's a school teacher and squeaky clean as far as we can tell."

"Did Gates approve all this?" Kate asked, surprised that her team was wasting department resources on such a personal matter.

"She's the one that ran the thing. A check of her financials showed two properties. One is a house in Elkton, Virginia, the one we sent you to. The other is a cabin on Massanutten Mountain. It's just up the road from Elkton." He told her.

"Yeah, I've heard of the mountain." Kate nodded though he couldn't see her.

Margaret shifted nervously from one foot to the other while she listened in on Kate's half of the conversation.

"Send me the address." She snapped the phone closed and buried it back into her pocket.

"You own a cabin on the mountain, Mrs. Daniels?" Kate asked.

The older woman pursed her lips and refused to answer.

"Any chance that might be where your daughter took her new boyfriend after they left here?"

Again, she looked away and remained tight-lipped.

"I'm guessing those cabins are at the bottom of the mountain. I hear these late season storms can be dangerous. Would you like to make a guess about where all that snow lands after an Avalanche when these late season storms come up?" Kate asked, taking an imposing step closer to her.

Margaret looked up at her with wide-eyes. "At the bottom of the mountain," she mumbled.

"So if that is where your daughter is right now, she could be in a lot of danger. You understand that, right?"

"I'll give you the directions," Margaret agreed reluctantly.


	27. Chapter 27

Again, Richard Castle was confused. He blinked the last remains of sleep from his eyes and tried to figure out exactly where he was. He had no idea. Nothing looked familiar. All he knew was that he was lying on a bed with his hands secured to the headboard behind him in a starkly furnished room that was so cold he could see his breath every time he exhaled.

Something was pressing on his mind, his subconscious trying to tell him there was something he should know, but he couldn't bring the thought into focus.

All he could think about was Kate and how much he needed her, wished she was there with him, helping him starve off the cold.

Suddenly, light flooded the room along with a rush of warmth from a fire burning. And like he'd willed her into existence, Kate stood framed in the doorway dressed in a short, sheer white nighty. Her hair was down, brown curls cascading around her shoulders like a waterfall of chocolate that he wanted to bury himself in.

She pulled herself from the frame where she was leaning seductively and without a word began to move towards him. Her hips swayed with every step making his fingers twitch with the need to feel her skin under them.

A few steps was all it took to bring her to the foot of the bed. Once there, she paused and let her sparkling brown eyes pursue his body slowly from his head to his toes. She went about tossing off his boots before climbing onto the bed and slithering her way up his body.

"Kate," he whispered into the near darkness a moment before her lips found his.

He thought he felt her tense but it was gone before he could really acknowledge it, especially with her running her tongue over the ridges of his ear. The feel of her breath made his entire body hum with pleasure.

Her hands were busy with the buckle of his belt and left her to that task while he leaned as far forward as he could and flicked his tongue over her breasts, first one hardened bud, then the other. Then he moved his lips over the scar in the center of her chest, the one she got when he almost lost her, and kissed it tenderly, like he always did when they were like this. It was his way of thanking whoever had saved her for him, whichever God heard his pleas as she lay dying in his arms.

She pulled away, but only long enough to divest them both of their clothing. She made quick work of it before coming back to her place, over him. Her hair surrounded him, blocking out everything besides her from his view and his mind.

His hands, still locked tightly to the headboard, twitched with a need to feel her and he struggled against the restraints, hoping to inspire her to give up this game and let him touch her. There was no need for the game anyway. She had to know she already held all the control between them. He was helpless when it came to her.

Taking the hint like he'd hoped, she raised her hands up his arms slowly, caressing every inch of him as she went while sliding her tongue over the roof of his mouth. When she finally reached his wrists, she wasted no time in releasing him. He, in turn, wasted no time in covering her breasts with his palms.

In fact now that he was free, his hands roamed feverishly over her flushed, heated, skin.

Kate threw her head back and pressed herself into his touch in abandon. The sight of her above him like that nearly drove him mad.

He pulled her back down to him and found her throat with his tongue. The taste of her was something he never wanted to take for granted.

She shifted her hips, grinding herself into his lap and eliciting an hearty groan from him. She did it again, to much the same response, except this time, he raised his hips to meet hers.

Suddenly, she was gone like a flash and digging through the pile of clothes she'd made beside the bed. When she got to his pants, she removed his wallet, then the condom he always kept inside it.  
>A single instant before she was back on the bed, they both snapped their heads around at a knock on some outer door of the building.<p>

Kate looked startled as she grabbed for his shirt and tugged it on before tossing him his pants.

"Stay here," she told him, urgently. "I'll see who it is. You don't make a sound."

It was an odd request, he admitted to himself silently, but he really couldn't see any reason not to do as she told him.

* * *

><p>Kate danced from one foot to the other in an attempt to stay warm despite the snow still falling in curtains all around her. A few flakes stuck to her lashes and her hair looked almost white because of its hearty dusting.<p>

She glanced around the small cabin, situated on the back of a large, forested piece of land at the base of Massanutten Mountain. She couldn't be sure that she was in the right place, but she'd followed the directions Mrs. Daniels had given her carefully, barely making it before the snowfall became to heavy to drive through safely.

But it had to be the place. Kate was almost certain she'd heard movement from inside. And she couldn't imagine anyone else remaining on the mountain with the emanate threat of the whole thing tumbling down on their heads. She'd checked with the Ranger's station on her way in and the waitress had been right on the money. She'd had to flash her badge at them so they'd let her pass. The danger of an avalanche was real and unless she missed her guess, Rick was right in the middle of it.

When no one answered after a few minutes, she rapped her knuckles against the hard wood, again, louder this time.

Still, no answer.

She moved to the window beside the door and tried to peer in around the tightly closed curtain, but got nothing for her efforts. Then she moved around to the back of the structure, checking for other exits and potential dangers while trudging through the rapidly accumulating snow.

By the time she got back to the front door, her limbs were numb with cold and throbbing with exhaustion. She knocked again, one last time, before giving it up and busting in, with or without permission.

When again she was met with only silence, she reached out to try the doorknob. It wasn't locked like she figured it would be and turned easily in her hand.

Inside there was nothing but darkness. A check of the four rooms of the cabin proved that no one had been there in what looked like months.

She was just about to give up and admit defeat. Standing at a window at the back of the cabin, something caught her attention just over the treeline. She narrowed her eyes and stared into the gathering whiteness harder, garnering for better clarity.

It was smoke, smoke rising from just over the next grouping of trees.

With a curse under her breath, she dashed out the backdoor of the cabin and took off through the woods.

It was actually warmer once she was blanketed by the cover of pine tree branches that blocked much of the snow from the forest floor. And because of that cover the snow wasn't as deep, making getting through the patch of greenery a much easier task that she'd expected it to be. She cursed herself several times for the impulse that drove her to run off into the wild instead of stopping long enough to get back into her rental car and drive.

But getting to the first cabin in the car had been hard enough. There was a good chance she'd wouldn't have made it, driving. There wasn't much that she'd let block her on foot.

It wasn't long before the trees began to thin considerably and the first, blurry outlines of another cabin began to clear in her view. She redoubled her pace as best she could under the circumstances, ducking her head into her far too inadequate coat and burying her hands in its pockets.

"Castle!" she called as she stepped up to the cabin's front door and began to pound on it in earnest with a fist she could no longer feel. The thought of frostbite had already occurred to her, but she'd pushed it away knowing there was precious little she could do about it for now.

She didn't waste time with windows and back doors. She was running out of time. The temperature had dropped so rapidly, she knew she had to find shelter now, even if Castle wasn't inside this time.

Bracing her shoulder against the door, she gave it a healthy shove and felt the brittle wood of the old structure give under her weight. A few more attempts had the jamb in splinters and the door hanging open for her.

She moved inside quickly and took a second to bask in the warmth coming from a wood burning stove in the corner of the front room. An ancient stove and refrigerator sat on the opposite wall from the stove and in the center of the room stood a rickety, round table for two. Unfinished wood planks made up the floor and ugly, dated, cheap wood paneling covered the walls. She loosened her coat, letting her hand find the butt of the gun she had tucked into the waistband on her pants and she eyed the room's only opening other than the front door.

There was darkness beyond the archway that lead deeper into the cabin, but by the light in the kitchen, she could tell it was a hallway with two doors on each side and one at the end. All three doors were closed and nothing stirred beyond them.

"Castle!" she called out again, not really expecting an answer this time either.

So when his voice sounded out from the room at the end of the hall, calling her name in response, she sprinted towards it.

He was sitting on the bed looking towards the door in apprehension when she banged it opened and found him.

"Don't shoot," he said as she stepped inside cautiously, glancing around to make sure she was clear before dropping the gun to her side.

"Where is she?" Kate demanded.

"Who?" he asked, getting to his feet and coming towards her. He staggered when he did and Kate eyed him suspiciously.

"Are you okay?" She took a step towards him and was glad she did a moment later when he wavered and she had to reach out to help him regain his balance.

"I'm just a little dizzy," he answered.

Her hand came to rest in the center of his bare chest and the first thing she noticed was how very cold he was.

"We need to get you warm." She told him, steering him towards the bed and helping him back onto it. "I just need to check something. I'll be right back. You stay here."

He nodded and almost let her pull away but he grabbed her wrist at the last second and tugged her back to him. He kissed her softly and gave her a smile. "Don't be gone so long this time," he whispered against her cheek and she almost stopped to ask him what he meant, but she needed to check the rest of the cabin to make sure it was secure.

She did a quick, but careful search of the cabin's other rooms and found nothing but a bathroom and another bedroom for her troubles.

Morgan Daniels was nowhere in sight. She snatched her phone from her pocket before shrugging out of the coat and tossing it's wet bulk on the bathroom floor.

Then she called Esposito, or tried to. When she discovered she had no bars indicating reception, she made her way back to the bedroom and Castle.

"Do you have your phone? I can't get a call out because of the storm," she asked, with her attention still on the phone in her hand.

When he didn't answer, she looked up and found him lying on his side with his hands tucked under his chin, fast asleep.

"Castle," she called as she stepped to him and gave his shoulder a little shake.

"Hmm?" he answered in a far off, groggy voice.

She gave up and left him sleeping while she rummaged through his pockets in search of his phone.

Not finding it, she gave a frustrated sigh as she sank down on the bed beside him.

There wasn't much she could do. With no phone reception and the snow piling up outside, she was helpless.

Another sigh brought her to her feet and she went about taking stock of their situation. There was food in the kitchen, enough to last a few days along with a large pile of firewood beside the stove. They'd be able to survive at least.

As long as the mountain didn't fall down on their heads.


	28. Chapter 28

She felt him shift beside her and the movement caused her to snap out of the restless, light drowse she'd let herself indulge in. She'd been doing her best to stay alert, worried that he might not be as okay as she thought he was, worried that Morgan would make an appearance any second, worried that the mountain of snow above their heads would finally give away and fall on top of them. She'd spend the last twelve hours fighting to stay awake and watchful. It was only in the last few that she'd finally let her guard down and succumbed to the exhaustion that was weighing her down.

She hadn't slept in what felt like days. And between that and the cold that was being barely held at bay up the small stove in the front part of the cabin, she'd been unable to resist a nap, though, it was a nap taken with her hand on the gun she'd shoved under her pillow.

"Kate?" Castle's gruff, sleepy voice sounded out into the darkness and she blinked her eyes opened to find him staring at her in disbelief.

"Rick," she smiled back at him.

"What are you doing here? Where's Morgan? How did you find me?" he asked quickly as he sat up and tried to assess their situation.

"I don't know where Morgan is. I found you here alone. My guess is her mother tipped her off and she took off before I could get here." Kate told him, sitting up as well.

"She left me here to freeze to death?" he asked, still glancing rapidly around the room.

Kate nodded solemnly. "Looks like. But it's okay. We're fine. There's a storm outside. But we have food and firewood. We'll be okay until we can get out."

"You mean we're trapped here?" he said, spinning his head towards her.

"For the moment," she nodded.

"What about Morgan? She drugged me and brought me here. The last thing I remember, I was chained to that headboard. Then she injected me with something." He raised his arm and examined the tiny needle mark on the inside of his elbow.

"Scopolamine." Kate confirmed for him. "She's been drugging you for a while I think."

He ran a hand through his hair, rumbling it. "I don't remember anything. What the hell is Scopolamine?"

She shifted, leaning back against the headboard and giving him a second to join her. Once he was beside her, she settled into the crock of his shoulder and rested her head on his chest. "I'll tell you all about it," she assured him.

Rick shifted his head and blinked down at her in disbelief. "You've had her under surveillance?"

Kate nodded against his chest. "I was worried. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't think you'd listen to me and the surveillance was your mother's idea."

"My mother's idea? She knows about all this, too?"

Kate squirmed. "Yeah, everybody does."

"Everybody?" he asked, outrageously.

"I didn't mean for them to find out. I wanted to do this on my own, get enough proof that I could convince you she was bad news. But it just kind of snowballed after Gates figured it all out," she explained.

"Gates?" he huffed. "So the entire department and my family knows that this woman has been drugging me and manipulating me and Gods knows what else."

Kate turned and moved over him, settling herself in his lap. "It's okay. Everyone was worried about you. But it's all over now. All we have to do is find Morgan and we can arrest her for abducting you."

His eyes landed on something over her shoulder and he stared at it intently as his voice took on a distant quality. "She was trying to have a baby." He told her. "I remember her telling me she wasn't pregnant and she thought there might be something wrong with me."

Kate brought her hand up to the side of his face and dragged eyes back to her. "It's all over now," she repeated.

"Is it?" he asked as his gaze settled on hers. "She's still out there. She's crazy, Kate. What if she goes after the people I love now that she's been found out. What if she goes after Alexis?"

"Ryan and Esposito are keeping an eye on Alexis. You know they won't let anything happen to her. Besides, in this storm, there is no way Morgan can get to her. We'll have her picked up before she has a chance to leave Virginia," she assured him.

"We're in Virginia?" he asked, glancing around them again.

"Yeah, I tracked you all the way to Virginia. In the middle of a snowstorm, I might add. A little thank you for saving my ass wouldn't be unwarranted," she teased.

He gave her a chuckle and she felt the first signs of relaxation at hearing the sound. It was comforting, that familiar, easy smile spread across his face. "Thank you for saving my ass," he said before leaning forward and capturing her lips with his. "It's about time you got to return the favor. I'm always saving yours."

Her mouth flew open in indignation and she swatted his shoulder. "When have you ever had to save me like this? I don't have crazy fans running around kidnapping me."

He cleared his throat. "I believe this was actually an abduction, not a kidnapping since I'm an adult."

"I figured since it was you, it would qualify as either," she informed him.

He nodded and rolled his head. "Oh, yeah, because you think all I am is just an overgrown child."

She laughed out loud. "You are a nine-year-old on a sugar rush." But then she laid her head on his shoulder and kissed the bare skin there. "But you're my overgrown child and I wouldn't want you any other way," she assured him.

He laid a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you for coming for me," he whispered as he slid his arms around her and pulled her in closer.

"Always," she smiled up at him before finding his lips with hers.

It was hours later before they stumbled out of bed and made their way to the kitchen. Rick went to the window and pulled the curtain aside to check the weather, then let it go with a dismal sigh.

"I've never seen snow like that," he admitted as moved over to where Kate was pawing through a pantry in nothing but her shirt. The hem of it raised enough to reveal her rounded bottom peaking seductively out at him from underneath as she raised her arms to reach for something.

He stood back and took in the sight of her for a moment before closing the distance and wrapping his arms around her waist. "I love you," he said into her hair as he gathered her into his still bare chest.

"I love you, too," she answered with a look over her shoulder at him.

"This isn't so bad, as far as vacations go," he said with a glance at their surroundings. "I mean normally, I'd prefer something more tropical, but I think we can make this work."

She nuzzled her head against his shoulder. "I can make anything work as long as you're with me," she said.

He spun her, bringing her around to face him. Her arms instinctively moved to circle his shoulders while his hands rested on the curve her hips. "I'm going to marry you someday." He told her, completely out of the blue.

She laughed. "Is that right?"

"Yeah, I think so." He smiled at her with sparkling eyes.

"Do I get a say in this?" she asked, trying to mask her amusement. Normally, this topic of conversation would have her running for the hills. Demming had mentioned the idea of marriage to her once and the very thought gave her a cold chill. But Rick was different. There was nothing scary about spending the rest of her life in his arms. She couldn't think of a better way to pass the time.

He looked hurt for a moment. "I just assumed you'd say yes," he answered.

"You know what they say about assuming..." she said with a sigh.

He narrowed his eyes and looked at her critically for a moment. "You're just messing me with me, right?"

"I don't know," she answered, taking care to not let him see how much she liked the idea. "I guess we'll find out when you ask me."

He let it go at that and pulled her into his chest while burying his face in her hair. "I'm sorry about Morgan. I'm sorry about all this." He told her earnestly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. This wasn't your fault, Rick. It just happened. I'm as much to blame as you are," she assured him.

"How are you to blame?" he asked, pulling back again so he could see her better.

"If I hadn't strung you along like I did, if I'd just talked to you after I got shot, you wouldn't have felt like you needed to move on," she explained.

He shifted. "But if I would have just been patient, or maybe if I would have pushed harder, all this might not have happened."

She pulled out of his arms completely and took a few steps away from him. "You know what would have happened if you had pushed. I would have run away from you as fast I could." She paused as she tried to get her thoughts together and he let her have the moment without interrupting. "I needed to get her on my own, Rick, in my own time, on my own terms. There wasn't anything you could have done to make it happen any faster. I'm sorry I'm such a pain in the ass. It's just the way I'm made."

Rick chuckled as he closed the distance between them and took her in his arms again. "You are a pain in the ass," he said. "But you're my pain in the ass and I wouldn't want you any other way," he added, echoing her words from earlier.

They stood like for a while, wrapped in each others arms and simply enjoying the feel. Then Kate's stomach gave a loud growl in protest of it's emptiness and he let her go to resume her scavenging of the cabinets.

"You could help," she said with a look over her shoulder when he made no move to help her.

"Oh no," he informed her. "I'm enjoying the view entirely too much to leave it."

She flung a stale marshmallow at him in response, which he deftly caught in his mouth and chomped down on.

They spent the rest of the day and night that followed catching up on lost time, wrapped around each other as they tried to stay warm.

Kate was just blinking the morning drowsiness away when a knock on the cabin's front door brought her the rest the way from her slumber and she jumped out of bed and slid quickly into her clothes.

"Morning, Detective," the Ranger she'd talked to at the station said with a tip of his wide brimmed uniform hat. "We thought we might find you here."

"I take it you being here means the roads are clear enough for travel?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest against the cold.

"Yeah, looks that way. You'll have to take it slow. I checked out that rent-a-crap you came up here in. Found it parked out in front of the old Wilken's place. Guess you got a little turned around."

"Or misled, but either way, I found what I was looking for."

"Glad to hear it. You're braver than I thought. You don't even have chains on those tires."

Rick had sauntered up behind her and he stuck his head around the door to see who was there. "I just started a pot of coffee. Would you like to join us for a cup?" Rick asked politely.

"Nah, I should be getting back down. I just wanted to check and make sure you folks weathered the storm okay," he smiled.

"What about Morgan Daniels?" Kate asked. "Did you find her?"

The ranger shifted. "Didn't know we were looking for her."

"She abducted this man." Kate told him with a nodded over her shoulder.

"Is that right?"

Rick nodded. "Yeah, that's right."

He shifted again. "You mind telling how a little slip of a thing like that pulled that off?"

"She drugged me," Rick answered and held out his arm for the ranger's inspection.

"Alright, I'll put out a BOLO. I'm sure if she's in town, she's hold up at her Momma's place. You take it easy getting off the mountain, Detective. That vehicle's not fit for traveling around here this time of year."

They closed the door after he walked away and Kate leaned against it. "We need to get you back to New York."

"Okay," he nodded. "I'm ready any time you are. I want to get this whole Morgan mess taken care of. I don't want to think about her again."

It was a slow journey. The ranger was right. The rental car wasn't equipped for winter weather and it was light enough that it fishtailed around every corner and slid every chance it got. Kate's shoulders were tense and aching when they finally turned onto the much clearer main road that would lead them into town.

As soon as they hit the highway, Kate yanked her phone from her pocket and pushed Esposito on her speed dial. He answered on the first ring. "We were just about to send out the National Guard. Where have you been? Why didn't you call? Do you have him?"

"I've been in Virginia. There was a storm and I couldn't get a call out and yes, I've got him and he's fine," she answered.

"I've been ordered to tell you to put him on," he said.

"It's for you." She told Rick as she handed off the phone.

"Ah," he cooed into it when he placed it to his ear. "I've missed you to, Javi," he said, then stopped before going on and his playful expression melted away. "Hi Sweetheart," he replied after a quick pause.

He talked to Alexis for several minutes, assuring her that he was fine and would be home soon before he finally handed the phone back to Kate.

Esposito came back on the line shortly.

"I need you to talk to Gates about getting a search warrant for Morgan's place. I'm stopping here at the local hospital for a drug test. But in order for it to matter, I need those plants from her closet. Now we've got Rick's testimony for probable cause, a warrant shouldn't be that hard to manage. But get it done before she catches a flight back to New York and gets rid of them." She told him.

"We'll do. Ryan and I are going to execute that warrant ourselves. We'll give the place a proper once over, just to make sure we don't miss anything," he replied.

Kate understood his meaning and felt a brand new surge of gratitude towards him. They were going so they could take care of the illegal surveillance equipment they'd set up in Morgan's place.

"Thank you," she smiled with genuine warmth towards him. "We should be back in a couple of hours. I'll give you a call when we land."

When she signed off and hung up, Castle looked at her with a bit of surprise in his handsome features. "We aren't going to get her?"

"No, the locals can handle picking her up and we'll have her back in New York before she can blink."

"But we know she's at her mother's place or we're pretty sure anyway," he argued.

"I don't have a warrant to pick her up yet. I know getting one won't be a problem, but we need to tread easy here, Castle. We're navigating some pretty touchy waters. We want to do it right so everything will stick."

He sighed in disappointment. "I guess you're right. But I really wanted a chance to grab her myself."

"Because this is personal for both of us. And that's why we let someone deal with that part.

Kate paced in front of the coffee machine in the lounge of the local hospital while she waited for Rick. Knowing that Scopolamine worked its way out of the system very rapidly, she'd made haste getting him here to get the test done. Once it was taken, the lab here would overnight the sample to her testing lab in New York and they would run the toxicology. They were taking blood since it was a far more comprehensive way to test for irregularities.

The problem was that it was taking forever. Kate was on her third cup of coffee with still no sign of Rick and her patience was wearing thin.

_By the time they get around to getting the sample, it'll be too late_, she thought, bitterly. She knew it was a ridiculous exaggeration. It'd barely been forty-eight hours since he'd been injected. But the hospital seemed to be crawling along at a snail's pace and she'd never been one for bidding her time. Patience was not one of her virtues.

She pulled the nail she'd been biting out from between her teeth and stalked off towards the car more to have something to do than anything else. It was still so cold outside the impact from the difference in temperature stole her breath when she stepped outside.

Rick had been riding in this without a shirt because apparently during Morgan's escape she'd stolen his. Rick was being very quiet about the circumstances that found him without the article of clothing. And Kate wasn't asking too many questions. She was afraid she didn't really want to know. Besides, she told herself, firmly, he wasn't himself. He was drugged. None of it mattered.

A convenience store/ gift shop on the next street over caught her eye and she took off, hoping to replace the shirt and get back to the hospital before he noticed she was gone.

She gave a wave to the local sheriff who's car was sitting on the side of the street just down from the hospital. She'd met the man when she first arrived in town and they'd stopped by his office on their way to the hospital as well when they managed to get off the mountain. His office would be responsible for picking up Morgan if she was still in town and they would be the ones to bring her back to New York when they extradited her there to face the charges against her.

Kate's first impression of the middle-aged, slightly pudgy man with a good-ole-boy attitude, thick black mustache and cowboy boots wasn't necessarily what she'd call a good one. There had been a certain lackadaisical quality in him when she filled him in on everything she knew about Morgan Daniels and Kate felt that perhaps the situation wouldn't be placed very high on his priority list. But after she'd returned to town with Rick and he'd given him a statement, the sheriff seemed much more on the ball and she was confident he'd do what he could to bring in his suspect. She'd bristled at that inwardly, knowing full well it was the fact that she was a woman that made him appear less interested on her first attempt at getting his attention. But she'd pushed it aside because she knew she needed the man on his side and alienating him wouldn't do anyone any good.

He was studying a paper he had folded over the steering wheel of his cruiser and didn't wave back or indicate that he'd seen her so she moved along as she hurried about her task so she could get back to Rick before he noticed she was gone.

The streets of the small town were still more or less deserted with only the most diligent and determined braving the weather to go about their daily lives. It was odd to her, but then she'd spent precious little time outside of New York and weather wasn't something that normally kept New Yorkers indoors.

She approached the building from the back having to cross an empty lot that sat between it and the hospital parking lot and as the shadow cast by the large building swallowed her up, she felt a prickling of the skin on the back of her neck. Always one to air on the side of caution, her hand came to rest on her firearm which was holstered to her belt beside her badge. She barely felt the cold metal of the pistols butt under her palm when something caught her in the back of the head and she went down, falling to the snow-covered ground in a heap as nothingness overtook her.


	29. Chapter 29

Kate Beckett was aware of a couple of things all at once when she blinked her eyes open. First, she was cold, bone-deep cold, so cold, in fact, she couldn't really remember what it felt like to be warm anymore.

Second, Richard Castle was looking down at her with a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his lips and a look in his eyes that shouted concern, maybe even fear.

She struggled to sit up, but the throbbing in her head made her abandon the attempt before it got very far.

"Shh," Castle said, pulling his arms around her and gathering her, as best he could without jarring her, into his chest. "You're going to be okay. The paramedics are coming right now. Just be still until they say you can move."

"What happened?" she asked in a voice that sounded distant and nothing like her own.

"Morgan happened. But it's okay now. The sheriff has her in custody," he explained as he smoothed the hair from her forehead.

"She jumped me?" Kate asked, again attempting to sit up. She was thwarted by Castle's arms and she acquiesced without much persuasion.

"Yeah, she jumped you, but luckily your friendly neighborhood law enforcement was right down the street. And I just happened to be standing outside the hospital trying to figure out where the hell you were."

Suddenly, his arms were moving from her and she tried to grab him to keep him from leaving but he was faster and managed to get away. "Let the paramedics do their job. I'll be right here," he assured her, moving up to kneel in the snow beside her face and taking her hand in his. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Is it bad?" she asked, shifting her head only enough to see him better.

"Naw, just a bump," one of the young men in blue said after examining the back of her head. "We're going to take you over to the hospital to be sure, but it looks okay."

Castle gave her hand a squeeze to get her attention and she turned her eyes back to him.

"Ryan and Espo called. They got the warrant and grabbed the plants from Morgan's apartment." He told her.

"So it's over?" she asked.

"Completely," he said with conviction.

* * *

><p>Rick either persuaded or bribed someone at the hospital once they arrived because the wait was minimal this time and before Kate knew it they were back in her rental car on their way to the airport. Kate sat staring at a list of warning signs of a concussion she'd received from the hospital when they released her and thought about how many times she'd read the same instructions over the course of her career. It was something of an occupational hazard. She wondered how many times a person could be smacked in the head or bashed against something before it caused permanent damage.<p>

Rick dropped one of his hands from the steering wheel and took hold of hers. "What are you so lost in thought about?" he asked, giving her a sideways glance. "You haven't said much since we left the hospital."

She offered him all the smile she could muster. "I'm just glad all this is over."

"So am I," he agreed. "Now everything can get back to normal."

She shifted in her seat, turning to better face him. "I'm not sure how that's going to work out."

He snatched his head around to her with raised eyebrows. "What does that mean?" he asked with a touch of fear in his voice.

"Gates knows about us," she answered quietly.

"I thought you said Gates has known about us for some time."

"She has," she nodded. "I'm just not sure how that's going to play out now that you aren't in danger."

"You think she'll make us stop working together?"

"I really don't know. She's hard to get a read on. Captain Montgomery wouldn't have said a word. He'd have looked the other way and pretended he didn't know anything." Her voice had grown far off, distant and he squeezed her hand in response to it.

"I know," he said quietly. "I miss him, too. He was a good man."

Rick pulled the car into a space outside the rental office and turned off the engine before turning to her. "None of this matters. If we can't work together anymore, I can live with that. What I can't live with is not having you in my life. We don't have to work together to be happy," he said.

She nodded. "I'm just not sure I know how to do my job without you anymore," she confessed and refused to admit to the sting of tears she felt in her eyes.

He smiled. "You'll do your job just like you did before I came around. With or without me, you are the best homicide detective in New York. Having me around getting you coffee and offering absurd, off the wall theories isn't going to change that." Then he shifted again and brought her hand to his lips where he placed a soft kiss to the back of it. "Besides, let's not borrow trouble. Trouble finds us all on it's own. We'll figure it all out when and if we have to."

"You're right," she agreed. "Let's go home. We'll worry about all that when the times comes."

* * *

><p>"Detective Beckett, can I see you in my office?" Gates said the minute she stepped off the elevator two days later when she returned to work.<p>

Kate swallowed hard and hurried to her desk to set her things down before going to her supervisor's office. Gates was waiting for her and she shut the door behind Kate and offered her a chair. Then she circled the desk and took her seat behind it.

"Morgan Daniels is being held in Virginia for the time being where she's facing charges for assaulting an officer. Once that's taken care of, we'll extradite her here. Mr. Castle's drug test results came in and they did find traces of Scopolamine in his system. That along with the plants we got from her apartment and her assault of you means we've got her." Gates told her in a clinical professional voice that made Kate squirm in her seat. She'd almost gotten used to seeing the softer side of her boss. The sudden coolness was more than a little upsetting.

"That's good news, Sir." Kate answered, following Gates' lead. "Thank you for letting me know."

Gates dropped the file she was reading from onto her desk and snatched her glasses off. "Where is your partner this morning?"

Kate shifted. "We weren't sure he should come in, Sir."

"I understand all this must be a lot to deal with. Tell him to take all the time he needs and that we're all glad he's okay," Gates said with the first signs of a smile playing at her lips.

"Well," Kate squirmed again. "All this is a lot to deal with, but he's fine. We just weren't sure whether you would still want him to come in."

Gates dropped her glasses and sat back in her chair. She spent a few minutes eying Kate before she cleared her throat and sat forward again. "You well know that I am not Mr. Castle's biggest fan. But that isn't personal. It's about the fact that he's an untrained civilian out in the field. I don't like that. But what I do like is that this department has one of the highest closure rates in the city. That makes me look good. And I can't help but notice that that number jumped considerably when Mr. Castle started shadowing you. That makes me forced to admit that this department is better with him than without him."

"I know all that, Sir. I just thought that given the knowledge of the status of our relationship, you might have a problem with us working together," Kate explained.

"My knowledge of your relationship is that you work well together. I've seen it myself. I just started this job. I'm not ready to give up those numbers yet. Of course, if there is anything else going on between you, you would be correct in assuming you would need to disclose that to me. So, on the record, is there more than a professional relationship going on with you and Mr. Castle?"

Gates was playing with her glasses, tapping the earpiece against the desk as she waited for an answer.

Kate took a deep breath. "Am I correct in assuming also that if I disclose a personal relationship to you officially, it would mean we would no longer be allowed to work together as partners?"

Gates nodded her head. "I would have to take measures like reassigning you a new partner. I'm not sure what I'd do with Mr. Castle since his purpose here is you."

"Then, no Sir. I have nothing to disclose to you. Mr. Castle and I have a strictly professional relationship," Kate answered quickly.

"That's what I thought you'd say," she said, taking up the glasses and slipping them back on. "That's all. Have a good day and don't forget to let Mr. Castle know that the twelfth precinct is ready for him to return whenever he's ready."

Kate got up and started for the door with a feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest. But Gates stopped her with her hand on the knob.

"You do understand that I'm putting my neck out here, right Detective?" Gates asked before Kate got the door open.

She turned back to her. "I understand," Kate nodded.

"If this gets out to the wrong people and they find out I knew about it and didn't do anything, it could be bad for me. So I expect the two of you to remember this isn't just about you." Gates warned her.

Kate nodded. "I understand, Sir," she said again.

Gates nodded back at her and Kate took off out the door, searching her pocket for her phone as she went.

* * *

><p>By the time she finished the mountain of paperwork Ryan and Esposito had kindly left in her absence, it was late. It was beyond late. Her shoulders ached. Her back ached and she hadn't seen Castle all day. That hadn't helped improve her mood. He told her he wasn't coming in when she called to give him the all clear and she'd said it was fine. At the time, that was true. But now after twelve plus hours of not seeing or talking to him, it was becoming a problem. She was like a junkie jonesing for a fix.<p>

She grabbed her phone and punched his number as she gathered her things and started towards the elevator.

"Good evening, Detective. How was your day?" he asked cheerfully upon answering.

"Terrible. How was yours?" she asked, punching the button that would take her to the ground floor.

"Awful without you," he said with a smile she could hear in his voice. "Are you on your way home?"

She hesitated immediately. Was that what he expected her to do? Her only thought had been getting to him. She hadn't even considered going to her place instead. "I was actually on my way to your place, but if you're busy..."

He sighed and she could actually hear him roll his eyes. "That's what I meant. I've been waiting for you."

She heaved a sigh of relief, glad to know that they were still on the same page. "Aw, you've been waiting for me? Did you miss me?"

"You have no idea," he answered in a low voice so full of sincerity it nearly caused her to choke up.

"I've missed you to, but it's all your fault. I told you you could come in anytime." She reminded him.

"I had a few things I needed to do today. It was important. You know if it wasn't I would have been there."

"I know," she said, getting into her car and pulling out of the parking space.

"How long?" he asked.

"Twenty minutes if the traffic isn't bad. Do I need to pick anything up?"

"Just get here," he answered again in that voice that made her knees weak. "It's been too long since I kissed you."

"Agreed. I'll be there as quick as I can. Am I allowed to ask what important stuff you had to do that kept you away from me all day?"

"Nope," he chuckled. "It's a surprise."

Her mind immediately did a double take as she remembered who it was she was talking too and all the bad that that statement could mean. "You've spent all day setting up a surprise for me? You know I hate surprises."

"You'll like this one. Alexis helped me. She wouldn't let me do anything you'd hate."

"Alright, as long as it was done under adult supervision," she laughed.

"I AM an adult," he argued.

"That's a statement that's up for debate," she muttered. "I was thinking about stopping by my place to pick up a few things." There was silence on the other end of the line for so long she checked the phone to make sure they hadn't been disconnected. "I don't have to. I just thought it might be more convenient since we spend so much time at your place."

He sighed so loudly it was audible even over the phone. "You have no idea how glad I am that you said that."

"What have you done, Castle?" she asked, immediately on alert.

"I told you, it's a surprise. But don't go to your place. Just come here. I need to see you right now."

"I'm on my way," she said.

"I love you, Kate." He told her and just hearing the words made her stomach tighten and drop to her knees.

"I love you, too, Rick."

* * *

><p>She stepped out of the elevator that lead to his penthouse twenty minutes later, as promised and used her key to let herself in. She was greeted with a quietness that instantly set her sense on alert. It wasn't at all like the normal Castle household. The lights were dimmed, and nothing stirred as far as she could see.<p>

She moved cautiously down the hall towards the kitchen with her hand on the butt of her service revolver as she stretched out with all her cop instincts. She didn't relax until she stepped into the kitchen and found Alexis there putting the finishing touches on a what looked and smelled like a heavenly feast.

"Kate, I didn't hear you come in. Dad's in the dining room. We made you dinner," she smiled at her happily.

"That's the surprise? Dinner?" she asked, dropping her hand to her side away from her gun.

"Well, that's not all, but that's part of it. I'm off to a friend's house. And Grams is at a spa for a few days. Tell Dad I love him and I'll call him tomorrow to check on him." Alexis told her and she moved past her and down the hall towards the door.

He wasn't in the dining room when she found him. He was in his study, sitting in his favorite chair staring into the fire that roared away in the fireplace. She couldn't help but remember the last time she'd found him in exactly the same place, doing exactly the same thing, with exactly the same expression on his face. That time she'd been so sure she was losing him, it nearly paralyzed her with fear.

This time, she cleared her throat to alert him to her presence before entering the room and making her way over to him.

"Finally," he smiled as he looked up at her. She crossed the room so quickly by the time the word was said, she was in his lap with her arms around him. "Wow, you did miss me," he murmured after she leaned in and kissed him with all the enthusiasm being without him for a day had built up.

"I really did," she answered as she settled more comfortably in his lap.

"I made us dinner." He told her even as his lips moved against her throat.

"I saw," she answered, leaning her head back to give him better access. "It looks delicious. Alexis says she loves you and she'll call you tomorrow."

He raised his head, abandoning his journey along her skin and she nearly whimpered in protest of the action. "So, we're all alone?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"Seems that way," she nodded and pulled him back to her for another kiss. "We should eat. I'd hate for dinner to be ruined. It looks like you worked hard on it."

Without warning he shifted her and she was suddenly straddling his hips. Then in one swift move, he picked them both up out of the chair. Before she could tell him to put her down, he laid her on the rug in front of the fireplace and was hovering over her, kissing the words from her lips.

"Dinner can wait," he murmured against her shoulder as his hands went to work on her shirt.

She quickly followed suit, tearing at the buttons of his shirt as well.

A rip of clothing here and a tug of material there made short work of their clothing. And when he finally sank into her, she felt the now familiar feeling she'd come to recognize as coming home.

A few hours later, after the fire had died out and the dinner was little more than a memory, she shifted to find a more comfortable position for her head on his bare chest. He reached down and gathered up the sheet from the foot of the bed to cover them.

"Alexis said the dinner was only part of the surprise," Kate said as she suddenly remembered the conversation. "What's the rest of the surprise?"

The arm around her waist tightened suddenly and she glanced up at him.

"I did something. I hope you won't be mad." He began.

"Oh, God, Castle, what did you do?" she asked, sitting up and grabbing the sheet to her chest.

He moved her off of him and got out of bed. Then he padded over to the closet and pulled back the door.

She blinked a few times in the dim lighting of the bedside lamp to better register what he was showing her. When her brain caught up, her mouth dropped open. "Are those my clothes?"

"Some of them," he nodded. Then he went to the antique chest of drawers in the corner and opened the top drawer for her to see.

She got out of bed, dragging the sheet with her and moved to inspect the contents of the drawer. "These are my things, too. Did you move me in without asking?"

"Not entirely." He held his hands up defensively like he was afraid she might hit him. "But I do have a team of movers already hired and on standby to move the rest of your things over. If you want them to." He offered sheepishly.

"How are we supposed to keep our relationship quiet if we're living together, Rick?" she asked with one hand on her hip and the other holding the sheet to her chest.

"We'll keep your apartment for appearances sake. It just doesn't have to have anything in it," he suggested.

"You could have at least asked me first," she said, though honestly she was having to work to find the anger she thought she should feel.

"I know, but I figured if it was already mostly done, you'd be more likely to say yes." He stepped over to her and took her hands in his as his eyes found hers. "Kate, I intent to spent every available moment of every day of the rest of my life with you. This was just the most convenient solution." He shrugged.

She pulled her hands free of his and took a step closer so she could circle her arms around his shoulders. "I think you might be right," she said with a smile.

"That's not surprising. But what am I right about this time?" he asked with a smile of his own.

"You are going to marry me someday." She informed him matter-of-factually.

"See, I knew you would say yes." He crowed triumphantly. "It wasn't very nice of you to tease me like that. I was actually a little worried."

"I love you," she said with her lips resting against his.

"I love you, too. So you aren't mad that I moved you in without asking?"

"I should be." She told him. "But I'm not. In fact, I think we should call the movers tomorrow."

He looked away from her. "Actually, the movers are already scheduled to come tomorrow. I only needed to call them if you said no."

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I guess I should be thankful you gave me a chance to say yes before you went ahead and did it."

"Well, that was my plan. But Alexis said no."

"See, adult supervision." Kate laughed.

"I am an adult," he said, punctuating each word with a kiss along her collarbone. Then he pulled her closer and ground his hips against hers. "Want me to prove it?"

"Absolutely," she agreed as she let the sheet fall to the floor.


End file.
